Don't Ask [Unabridged, Audiobook] [Audio Cassette]

Donald E. Westlake (Author), Michael Kramer (Narrator)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 10, 1996

In his latest caper, Dortmunder is hired to steal the femur of a 16-year-old girl who was canonized because, 800 years ago, she was killed and eaten by her family. Now two European countries and the Catholic church are fighting like dogs over the bone. How will this free-for-all end? Don't Ask.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Westlake fans (who should comprise the entire American reading public) will cheer the hilarious return of Manhattan con man John Dortmunder and his friends from their comic misadventures upstate in Drowned Hopes . The caper here turns on the femur of St. Ferghana, a 15th-century relic claimed by rival Eastern European governments in the newly created nations of Tsergovia and Votskojek. Whichever country is awarded ownership of the bone (by a dim archbishop) will gain the one available seat in the U.N. A Tsergovian cousin of Dortmunder's pal Tiny Butcher convinces the nefarious crew, including Stan Murch, Andy Kelp and others, to steal the bone from the Votskojek embassy, currently a boat berthed in the East River. Dortmunder's plan fails at the last minute, leaving the bone under Coast Guard custody on Governor's Island, half the gang in the DEA's hands and Dortmunder in a dungeon watched over by the Frankenstein-like Dr. Zorn. Dortmunder's escape and a few botched rectifying thefts occur before the lugubrious conman conceives an elaborately devious final job that involves impeccably timed crimes in New York City, in Vermont (at the ski chateau of an international hotelier with a $6 million art collection and an eye on the new Eastern European market) and at the Rivers of Blood Cathedral in Votskojek's capital. With laugh-out-loud dialogue, perfectly aimed wit and characters who leap off the page, this latest Dortmunder tale proves again that Westlake is a country unto himself. Don't ask, go visit.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Library Journal

Westlake, author of more than 60 novels, including Sacred Monster: A Comedy of Madness ( LJ 5/1/89), adds yet another installment to his popular crime series featuring the dour master criminal John Dortmunder. Dortmunder is contracted by a tiny eastern European nation to steal a sacred relic. At first, the job seems like a cakewalk: "We could phone for it. We could send a kid to pick it up. It's so easy... ," he says. As usual, though, things go wrong: Dortmunder is taken prisoner, and the relic ends up in the hands of the Drug Enforcement Agency. How he escapes his captors and gets the relic back makes for a hilarious romp. Recommended for the mystery collections of most public libraries.
- Mark Annichiarico, "Li brary Journal"
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Audio Cassette
• Publisher: Books on Tape, Inc. (September 10, 1996)
• ISBN-10: 0736634916
• ISBN-13: 978-0736634915
• Shipping Information: View shipping rates and policies
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,142,359 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars If you read only one Dortmunder novel, this should be the 1., December 2, 1996

By A Customer

This review is from: Don't Ask (Dortmunder Novels) (Mass Market Paperback)

Westlake's continuing character, hapless thief John Archibald Dortmunder, suffers his penultimate humiliation in this novel, and gets his most satisfying revenge. Dortmunder's jobs always go wrong, and this time he is actually kidnapped and held prisoner by the people he tried to rob. Dortmunder escapes, and grimly pursues the most hilarious vengeance ever conceived by an author. This is Westlake at his best. Consistently funny, cynical, sharp and breathtakingly well-written. If you have never read a Dortmunder novel, start with this one. If you're an old fan, this is the one to come back with.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Dem Bones, Dem Bones, July 25, 2002

By 

Untouchable (Sydney, NSW Australia) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Don't Ask (Dortmunder Novels) (Mass Market Paperback)

Dortmunder's back and, judging by the opening chapter, his luck still hasn't changed for the better - thank goodness. If it's possible, the predicaments he gets into are even more outlandish and are described even more vividly by Westlake.

The genius of the Dortmunder books is the brilliant simplicity of the plans that can't fail, followed by their inevitable failure, usually through a most unexpected foul-up. This timeout, Dortmunder is asked by regular scary man Tiny Bulcher to help recover a holy relic for his cousin's homeland. It just happens that the relic is the femur of an obscure saint, somehow important to the country being granted entry into the United Nations. As the title suggests...don't ask.

Once again, Dortmunder devises an ingeniously simple plan to recover the relic from the embassy of a neighbouring country. Once again his plan works perfectly - almost. Once again he must devise an even more brilliant plan which takes more risks and leaves him open to even greater failure.

Hilariously, the boys from the Continental Detective Agency make another ill-fated appearance. This mob would have to be the unluckiest group of blokes in New York. They continue to be the only people who consistently come off second best to Dortmunder and his crew.

This is the eighth book in the Dortmunder series and carries on the tradition in fine style. As a reader who has read the previous seven, the sly references to incidents that occurred in earlier books gave the feeling of being a part of the team, reminiscing about past glories. For a very humorous and enjoyable caper, this is an extremely worthwhile read.

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An essentially perfect comic caper novel., August 4, 1998

By 

Andrew Barss "andybarss" (Tucson, AZ USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Don't Ask (Dortmunder Novels) (Mass Market Paperback)

This book is wildly successful at all levels. Tightly plotted, it has more surprising turns than a roller coaster. The comedy is deft and clever, and the characterizations are vivid, amusing, and engrossing. A genuinely brilliant tour de force.