Customer Reviews

Don't Be That Girl: A Guide to Finding the Confident, Rational Girl Within

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(13)

 

 

This book has major flaws in logic which also dumps on women in the guise of helping them. Just what women dont need. This should really have 1 star.

What follows is a commentary a small segment of the many problems with this book. Yes, I understand that some (but of course not all) men may think like the author. In that case, this book is more insightful as a sad commentary on the viewpoint of such men. (Please note for the record that I am at peace with the universe and all that and believe that there are good people -men and women out there.) That said, I still disagree with the author's mindset. More importantly (and I wish I could underline this), I am disagreeing that women should change their viewpoints to meet those of these misguided men.

Let's start with the book's one of the very unhelpful lists of what women are not supposed to ask for: e.g. "no friday or saturday night dates for the first few months, pressure to stop seeing other people, Drawer space..." The problems with this list are manifold but let's start with that I think that is not taking into account that maybe people are sleeping together and are spending (willingly) a lot of time together. (And let's be realistic, in this day and age, people arent waiting a "few months" to sleep together.) So if people are sleeping together and spending a lot of time together, these may very well be perfectly appropriate as the stakes are much higher than meeting ocassionally. In fact, you'd be kind of an idiot NOT to require this (verbally or non-verbally). It's just self respect. It's not that women shouldnt ask for these things but if he doesnt give you Fri/Sat nights or a drawer or whatever, the message should be move on and fast. He's a loser or is using you.


The book also lists: "6. A ring within eighteen months or less. Or an ultimatum." REALLY??? How long exactly should a woman (who by the way does have physical time constraints) wait? 3 years? 5 years? Forever? When exactly is it ok to broach this topic? When is that a man could get around to realizing that this is an important goal in most women's lives? Should a woman's important goals have no factor in how long women should wait? If you ask most women (even well adjusted women!), 18 months is MORE than enough time for most people. I have seen WAYYYY too many women waste WAAAAY too much time waiting for a guy to propose.

I think, and this is probably burying the lead, that it is RIDICULOUS that women cannot mention marriage or children without guys fleeing. Women are not STUPID. It's not that women want to marry a man when women first meet men. The women dont even know them. Women simply want to know where men's heads are at. Of course, any women with any smarts knows not to ask the question directly. But I think it is perfectly appropriate to find out where a man stands relatively early on (e.g. first few dates). If the man dont want to get married EVER or for another 10 years, then a woman need to know that and as soon as possible so that a woman can say "bye!" If a man's response is "I like my life exactly the way it is now. I dont see the need for anything "serious." I think it is being tied down to be married," that's insightful too. Why is that this is a taboo subject? It's a major life milestone for most people. Maybe the questions Dr. Stork (Dr. of what again?? Isnt he an ER doctor and not a psychologist?) that should be "Why are men so afraid of marriage, commitment and children that the mere mention of it purely hypothetically sends them running?" That is really what should be explored. While I acknowledge and applaud women who have had the courage to determine they dont want children, I think it is safe to say that a majority of women do want children. Many women have strong biological forces at work pushing them to have children. Why is merely talking about wrong? Why arent men grown up enough to handle even a simple down to earth discussion of major life goals? Why cant marriage and children (not necessarily with the person they are dating) be included in that discussion???? NO. Of course, it is the women's fault for raising this very important goal.

The following is another list "dont" from the author: "7. Either marry her and be miserable, or break if off and make her miserable." Wow, just because a woman wants to know where she stands and may actually think a man is actually man enough to handle a discussion about such topics, the man is surely going to be miserable if he engages in such discussion or, God forbid, actually marries a woman who had marriage and children as goals. God forbid.

OK, some points are good. Women arent going to meet anyone by staying at home. Got it. Duh.

What a load of HOOEY. Dont buy this book ladies. There are lots of better books out there.

This book is just another way to make women feel badly about themselves. I watched him on Rachel Ray and I found him to be an arrogant man with very little knowledge on how to make a relationship work. Please explain why I want to take dating advice from a man who is not currently in and has rarely been in a long term relationship- a man in his mid thirties who has never been married himself?

For the record ladies... I probably am THAT girl according to Travis. But who cares?! However, I am 100% in love with my fiancee and he is with me. My advice is to be yourself and don't try to be something different (as he tells you to do), otherwise you'll be faking it for the rest of your life. Be yourself and be proud of who you are.

Please don't buy this book. I am sure your money could be better spent on a nice outfit or a dinenr with friends!

At the beginning of the book, Dr. Stork describes "Agenda Girl" - a girl who has an "agenda" of falling in love and getting married. He explains that men sense this and get completely freaked out. But then later on in the book, he talks about how being on The Bachelor made him want so badly to fall in love and get married and have a family, etc...one of his life goals. How exactly is this any different from "Agenda Girl"??? Ugh, what a completely useless waste of time!

I've never written a review before, but feel compelled to write based on one of the earlier reviews I read of this book that I felt missed the mark. I bought it on a whim, thinking this would at least be an entertaining read. Not only was it that, but I'm actually getting much more out of it...I definitely see elements of myself in the "that girl" descriptions. Do I perfectly fit any of the descriptions? No, but after reading through this book I do see enough character and behavioral traits that, when honestly examined, probably do more harm in my relationships than good. I'm not completely done with it yet, but I've read enough to know this one hits pretty close to the mark.

I think Dr. Stork did a great job of capturing the essence of alot of what I see in girlfriends w/ failed relationships, as well as in some of my own missteps in the dating world. To paraphase what the good Doc said, using the word of a friend of mine who provided some sound relationship advice: "try to limit your personal baggage to a carry-on". She was right on target with that, as is Dr. Stork in his more eloquent way of saying the same thing.

This book isn't going to replace a therapy session, or serve as an in-depth psychological profile for those of us that have been unlucky in love. But there is plenty I can take from it - in fact, it was a good reinforcement of some New Year's resolutions I made - take more time for myself, make some improvements (physical and emotional) I've been thinking about for a while, and most of all, get more "comfortable in my own skin."

The book presents not only these characteristics we've all known for some time, but provides ideas on how to break out of those behaviors and view situations and opportunities differently. It's written in a light-hearted, easy to read manner, and the Doc reveals his own trials and tribulations in it; his self-deprecating manner makes it much more conversational than I thought it would be...all in all, very enjoyable thusfar. I plan on giving this one as a gift to some of my "that girl" friends...we can all use a bit of helpful advice now and then!

As a therapist, I bought this book mainly out curiosity and as a possible reference for clients. The book starts out well enough, suggesting that a woman who is not "that girl" is confident and doesn't need the approval of men for her sense of self. However, the "labels" are difficult to apply to real world situations. Probably many people have met these "criteria" at some points in their lives. I don't think women really need more categorizing and labeling- it's already done enough in multiple other industries and women have enough collective anxiety already about this. Also, it subjects women to relentlessly question their motives and behavior- "gee, am I a bitter girl because I broke it off with someone who was verbally abusive?" "Am I now an agenda girl because I've waited 3 years for him to propose and really want to get married?" "Am I a yes girl for not asking him to propose and it's been 4 years?" I think women have enough to deal with in their lives, and feel this book is oversimplified if one is looking for real advice. If one is just looking for a lighthearted read to not take too seriously, this book is fine. And no, I'm not suggesting money on therapy instead! There are plenty of other good books out there. Perhaps if Dr. Stork had done a psychiatric/ER residency I may have given it more credibility. Seeing a patient a few times in the ER in crisis isn't the same as working with them long term for years on end. It's easy to apply labels when we aren't aware of the whole story.

Okay, a lot of people have extreme views on this book (note the nearly equal number of 5 star and 1 star reviews.) I can see that a lot of the people with harsh reviews seem to think of the author as arrogant...and I can see a little bit of that in his book. HOWEVER, the book DOES offer a ton of valuable advice if people are willing to be *open minded* about it.

It seems to me that a lot of people with negative reviews fit the descriptions of some of the "that girl"s in the book. I think perhaps some of the readers feel offended. To this point, I would offer the following response: What is so bad about the author advising readers to focus on pleasing themselves, being independent, cultivating their own interests, and commanding respect? He is not putting anyone down! People are just taking the book the wrong way!

I think this book offers a lot of worthwhile advice for all women. Those of you on the fence about purchasing it...ignore the critics and form your own opinion after reading...I don't think you'll be disappointed.

I ran across this book last week when it came out and I was intrigued by the title. As tough as it may be to admit, I related to a lot of what it said. I appreciated the lighthearted, unassuming nature of the book and would highly recommend this book for any woman who wants a behind the scenes look into the way men perceive things.

Do buy this book if you want to know what a noncommital and immature man has in mind. Warning: Avoid "That" Man.

I'm going to make this short and semi-sweet. Any person giving this book a bad review probably falls under many of the categories listed. I admit to relating to many of the topics the author addresses. I don't care about a guy falling for me or what, but this book helped me realize parts of my life I could improve--FOR ME! A little bit of tough criticism and girls go off the wire, huh?

Take a good hard look at yourself ladies. There are probably many things that could be fixed within you that you're not seeing, and that you'll really benefit from. A little guidance can go a long way.

Also, if you read the book and get even one thing from it, your time has not been wasted.

I LOVED this book!!! I have read it over and over again and am re-reading it now! I found this book to be very inspiring and motivating to be the best I can be, respecting myself and realizing my self-worth. I related to the reference to the woman sitting at the table, out for dinner, while her boyfriend was on the cell phone the whole time. Yes...I deserve better than that!!! This is only one example of the many situations I related to in this book. I recommended this book to several girlfriends because I felt they also would benefit from the boost to self-esteem this book gives. Thank you Dr. Stork!