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Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with your Adult Children Paperback – August 5, 2008
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About the Author
Dr. Ruth Nemzoff is a resident scholar at Brandeis University's Women's Studies Research Center and lectures widely on family dynamics. Her papers are archived at the Schlesinger Library at Harvard University where she also holds a doctorate in social policy. She has served three terms in the New Hampshire legislature and is the mother of four adult children. She lives in Newton, MA with her husband Harris Berman.
More About the Author
Dr. Ruth Nemzoff, author of Don't Roll Your Eyes: Making In-Laws Into Family (Palgrave/Macmillan, September 2012), the former assistant minority leader of the New Hampshire State Legislature, the first female Deputy Commissioner of Health and Welfare in New Hampshire, and the first female Bank of New Hampshire Board Member is currently a resident scholar at Brandeis University Women's Studies Research Center where she wrote Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with Your Adult Children (Palgrave Macmillan 2008), which won the 2013 About.com Reader's Choice award for best book for parents of college-aged children and empty nesters. Dr. Nemzoff has led over 250 discussions on this topic in the United States, Canada, India, China, and England.
For over ten years, she was an adjunct associate professor at Bentley College. She was also a pioneer in developing programs for persons with disabilities and started the equal opportunity office in the New Hampshire State Department of Education. In addition, she was a consultant to schools on gender equity.
She was formerly a visiting scholar at the Wellesley Center for Research of Women, where she wrote an historical analysis of the "Changing Perceptions of Mother of Children with Disabilities." She has also published articles about environmental advertising and women in business and politics. Ruth Nemzoff has served in the United Way Board, the New Hampshire Governor's Commission on the status of Women, the New Hampshire Governor's Commission for the Handicapped and the Developmental Services Planning Board. She was a member the New Hampshire Business Development Board and the Board of Boston's Jewish Family and Children's Services. She founded a nursery school, a counseling service, and the National Women's Legislative Lobby. She served on the board of the Pro-Choice Resource Center and of Newbury College. She is currently the chair of the advisory committee of the University of Massachusetts center for Women and Politics, and a board member of and Lasell Village, Retirement Community and serves on The Massachusetts Commission on the Status of Women. In 1998, she ran for Governor's Council and lost by less than 1% of the vote.
Dr. Nemzoff holds a Doctorate in Administration, Planning, and Social Policy from Harvard University, a Master's degree in Counseling from Columbia University, and a Bachelor's degree in American Studies from Barnard College. Her papers are archived at the Schlesinger Library, Harvard University. She and her husband, Harris Berman, have four adult children, four in-law children and eight grandchildren.
Top Customer Reviews
Ruth reminds me that I don't have to stay with these feelings, and that the adult pair, mother - daughter, in this instance relies on two adults who used to have different roles with each other and now must find new ones with their complicated emotions and perhaps outdated ideas of each other. And, Rth reminds me that love is strong, and gives me a path to somehow finding a way.
Even if my daughter never talks to me again, I will know I have tried to communicate honestly. Maybe I can lay the groundwork using Ruth's exercises at the end of each chapter.
Wish me luck, my daughter luck and to yourself, of course. Thank goodness this book exists.
As a family therapist, I recommend "Don't Bite Your Tongue" to all parents of launching children, since it so clearly delineates developmental issues that are bound to arise as the parent-child relationship moves into it's final metamorphosis.
Book clubs, and parent's groups will find rich material for unending discussion in this book.
I was unable to find any real advise that I might find useful. In the chapter on weddings, for example, which I could not wait to get into since my wife and I are in the midst of one right now, the advise could be summarized as follows. Modern weddings are complex and there is no easy way to negotiate the potential for relationship problems.
In fact I am about to give away the whole book: "Don't bite your tongue- COMMUNICATE!"
For readers who enjoy anecdotes, there are numerous ones in each chapter.
The author falsely assumes a measure of grounded mental health in the adult children she speaks of that does not exist in the families of most that would pursue this kind of title; that's one of the reasons people seek guidance in the first place.
A simple example of the author's deluded thinking is the mother on pages 91-92, directly voicing doubts to her daughter's about her financial future with a man she is "enchanted" with...as though one could get away with that line of questioning and have it go over as smooth as silk. Utterly unrealistic, and thus not at all useful. I know that the author has worked with families in the past, but I've begun to wonder just how successful she really was. In the end, I ended up reading passages of the book to my wife at night so we could end the day with a good laugh. Ridiculous.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I read “Don’t Bite Your Tongue” in a single sitting and it’s just full of underline-able sections. So wise! Read morePublished 3 months ago by Adam
Could not finish this book. I thought our role as parents was to raise children to be independent, self responsible, self determined adults. Read morePublished 3 months ago by American Abroad
I found this book thought provoking, but it really hasn't solved my problem. I'm still mulling over Dr. Nemzoffs advice.Published 11 months ago by sharon m