Customer Reviews

Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with your Adult Children

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

"Don't Bite Your Tongue" is a wonderful primer for Advanced Motherhood. The "other Dr. Ruth" gently guides us through the intricacies of parenting our adult children. Written with the wisdom of a scholar and the humility that only the mother of four grownups can bring to this subject, she deftly addresses issues of communication, in-laws, stylistic and cultural differences, grandparenting, disappointment, adult sibling relationships, money, and more, while encouraging us to acknowledge and utilize our childrens' expertise. The book is filled with vivid vignettes and sound suggestions to help us create satisfying mutual relationships.

As a family therapist, I recommend "Don't Bite Your Tongue" to all parents of launching children, since it so clearly delineates developmental issues that are bound to arise as the parent-child relationship moves into it's final metamorphosis.

Book clubs, and parent's groups will find rich material for unending discussion in this book.

I hate needing this book. My daughter and I were very close as she was growing up, and now we hardly talk. It feels like I'm always saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing.

Ruth reminds me that I don't have to stay with these feelings, and that the adult pair, mother - daughter, in this instance relies on two adults who used to have different roles with each other and now must find new ones with their complicated emotions and perhaps outdated ideas of each other. And, Rth reminds me that love is strong, and gives me a path to somehow finding a way.

Even if my daughter never talks to me again, I will know I have tried to communicate honestly. Maybe I can lay the groundwork using Ruth's exercises at the end of each chapter.

Wish me luck, my daughter luck and to yourself, of course. Thank goodness this book exists.

I loved the way the author organized the content, the questions she raises for consideration and her beautiful writing style. Nemzoff doesn't talk down to her reader but rather engages her in considering these very sensitive relationships. I am always suspect of self-help books because they imply that one size fits all, but Nemzoff avoids this assumption yet finds the commonality in the experiences of the adult child and the parent.

As a relatively new mother-in-law and brand new grandmother, I thought this book might be an intersting read, and I was right. Dr. Nemzoff is insightful and offers great advice. The book is a real treasure - filled with facts, anecdotes, and wisdom for many of the current issues parents face with their adult children. Each chapter concludes with a series of questions that makes you consider the topic from your own perspective. Dr. Nemzoff provides a guide that works for today, discussing topics that include finances, weddings, interfaith marriages, and divorce. More importantly, she encourages parents to tackle these issues openly and honestly. This book is one to be read and re-read BEFORE the crisis unfurls!

What a find! With five adult children, all in different stages of life it's not always easy to know what to say or do. Dr. Nemzoff covers everything from the adult child who moves back home to grandparenting and more. Her very practical advice is presented in a very clear and understandable manner and her questions at the end of each chapter will make you think. She also does this all with wit and humor
I have passed it on to a friend who's 22 year old son has move back home.
Mary Dewar

Dr. Ruth Nemzoff's advice - straightforward and insightful - covers the challenging developmental issues we all face in family relationships. Parenting adult children is an ongoing process, and Nemzoff provides a structure by which families can stay connected. There is a universal quality to the stories she tells and questions she asks. And these serve as a guide for readers to explore their own particular circumstances and choices.

Her suggestion to leave room in your mind for the unfamiliar and unexpected is alone worth the cost of the book. When we focus on the details, especially if it's not what we had in mind, we overlook the elusive but real emotions. And, in her personal disclosures, you can tell that she walks the walk with her own family. Nemzoff aptly demonstrates that, by being direct and honest yet sensitive to the other's feelings, we can redefine our relationships with our adult children. And be free to forge different yet enduring bonds. This is practical kitchen table wisdom at its' finest.

helpful, clear helped us by knowing others have faced this situation
and helped us focus on reconnecting and forgetting the anger and disappointment.
Needed more ideas.

Be brave enough to answer the questions at the end of each chapter...they'll give you great insight into your own life and needs. Then with Dr. Nemzoff's encouragement, you can change old habits and improve your relationships with your adult children.

Dr. Nemzoff really understands our issues. I've taken several of her suggestions, and they have helped me to feel better and to understand the complexities involved in being a grandparent.

I really wish I could give this work a positive review because like countless other parents with adult children, I need help. Unfortunately the best part of the book is the preface and the conclusion. The preface has some excellent insight into modern society that helps place our relationships in the proper context. The conclusion has some very moving personal experiences by Dr. Nemzoff that I found endearing.

I was unable to find any real advise that I might find useful. In the chapter on weddings, for example, which I could not wait to get into since my wife and I are in the midst of one right now, the advise could be summarized as follows. Modern weddings are complex and there is no easy way to negotiate the potential for relationship problems.

In fact I am about to give away the whole book: "Don't bite your tongue- COMMUNICATE!"

For readers who enjoy anecdotes, there are numerous ones in each chapter.