Customer Reviews

Don't Call Me a Crook!: A Scotsman's Tale of World Travel, Whisky and Crime

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This is the autobiography of Glaswegian Bob Moore - sailor, adventurer, engineer, world traveller. He's also racist, sexist, violent and, more often than not, pickled in alcohol. Breaker of almost every law imaginable, he's also a thoroughly charming rapscallion. He keeps telling us he's not a crook, and you almost believe him. He doesn't steal things - he borrows things and just doesn't return them. And besides, usually it's the owner's fault he doesn't give them back - they should have been more careful shouldn't they? He has a callous disregard for human life, sometimes breathtakingly so. Moore travels the world in the 1920s and 30s - America, South America, Europe, China - partly because he has a real sense of adventure and seems to revel in danger - but partly because towns, cities, countries and even whole continents often end up a little hot for him because he's...well, let's face it...he is a crook. Bob Moore wouldn't know a scruple if it jumped up and bit him, but he knows how to spin a great yarn.

Don't Call Me a Crook is probably one of the stranger books I've ever read. The memoir was originally published in 1935 by Bob Moore, whose real name was Robert Macmillan Allison. The author was a Glaswegian and an engineer who wound up traveling around the world while working on various ships. He was also an incorrigible rogue--a thief (despite the book's title and the author's protestations), a drunk, a racist. He stole from people who trusted him. He abandoned his wife and child. (At least, he apparently never gave them a second thought after sending them back to Glasgow when family life became burdensome.) One is tempted, given Moore's immorality throughout the book, to call him a sociopath, but I don't know if that's right: he does show signs of humanity at times in the book.

The stories Moore has to tell are often fascinating. Here he is, trying to save a woman who's jumped off a yacht, or he's shooting at Chinese pirates, or he's stealing a bag of diamonds or setting a ship on fire or lying to a man about his wife after he's stolen a wad of the couple's cash:

"But I was not to be diverted by such uncouth tactics, so I just said, 'Yes, I think you should, because it is all wrong to say I was seen kissing your wife, Mr. Flight. I was seen doing no such thing. I would not dream of being seen kissing your wife, Mr. Flight.' (And neither I would for that matter, for where is the sense in being seen?) But he thought I meant I had not been kissing her at all so he said, 'Well, I'm sorry Bobby.' And I said, 'Aw, that's all right,' so we parted quite good friends.

"But I did not go back to their house anymore after that because Mrs. Flight and I went away until all her money was spent.

"But she did not know that it was her money we were spending, or she would have been mad at me, but I told her I had been lucky and won some money at the dogs.

"She thought I was taking her for a holiday on my money, and that will show you what a funny woman she was. For why should I have taken her for a holiday with my money, when she was not really young anymore and she had a house where I could go without spending any money at all?"

Moore's life was anything but dull. This, combined with the conversational tone of the book--if Moore wrote this himself, then he was a natural storyteller--make for a winning combination. The book is also interesting as a historical document. In it we see the Prohibition era from a drunk's eye view. It was a lawless, violent, very alien world that Moore inhabited.

For a while, then, the book is good fun. Sure, Moore is a scoundrel. It's clear from the start that he can't be trusted. But we're willing to forgive him some of his offensees because he has a certain charm. For all his adventures and crimes the book even becomes tedious about halfway through...until we're woken up again. On page 202 Moore does something terrible. And he mentions it almost in passing, as if it were nothing at all. It is so shocking that I had to reread the paragraph to make sure I'd understood him correctly. What he did thoroughly undermines any positive thoughts we might have had about the man. It's a strange thing, 200-odd pages into a memoir, to find out something like this about the narrator, to have our feelings for the character upended.

So in the end this was a uniquely disturbing book, unique as I've never experienced anything quite like this--the shocking revelation from a narrator I thought I understood, his deadpan delivery, his apparent indifference. A very strange book, but worth reading.

-- Debra Hamel

Bob Moore reminds me of Mr. Ripley. I look forward to seeing the screen version. With all the locales visited by Moore, the film could be stunning. The work also reminds me of the book, The Good Soldier Svejk by Jaroslav Hasek. Unlike Moore, Svejk was able to move from each troublesome predicament to a better situation. Our book club selected the Bob Moore book and had interesting discussions about right and wrong and about truth v. fiction.

Bob Moore... I don't know if there are any thoroughly unapologetic, charmingly devious con men out there in the world like him any more. The author embodied the spirit of the Roaring 20s, of a world thrilled to be done with WWI and happily ignoring the inevitability of WWII, a world that had not reached the Great Depression, and was riding high on waves of lawlessness and corruption on the cusp of the modern age. He was a thief and a swindler and loved every minute of it. He never saved any money, but spent it all on women and alcohol, and yet he seemed to always end up on his feet. It's hard to admire him, but it's impossible to dislike him. He has a certain roguish, rakish charm.

I really enjoyed the first two parts of this travelogue/memoir, but the third part, which takes place in China, left me a bit cold. It was more repetitive and harder to follow than the other two parts, in my view, and Moore's racism and bigotry shine through a little too much for my liking. For example, he recounts a story of when he drunkenly "swiped" a temple statue that was goodness knows how old from a temple, "just for a joke," and then was shocked when the Chinese villagers got upset. He said the Chinese couldn't take a joke. Maybe that's true, but that complete disrespect for another culture was hard to swallow. However, it made the book very real. I think now, a lot of historical fiction tends to glaze over the racial relations of the past, sidestepping the complications and possible negative reactions that those situations can create. But when you read books that were written in those eras, by people who lived them... well, it's just there. Innate. In the pores, as it were. Yes, it is hard to read, but it's worse to ignore it, and worst to pretend it never happened, I think. Moore had opinions and he stuck by them, regardless of how narrow-minded or slippery his ideas were. I can't help but respect a man who sticks to his guns. And when he does it in such a hilariously self-righteous and interesting manner... well, that just makes the going that much easier.

Don't Call Me a Crook is a fun and interesting look at what life was like for the working class of the 1920s- unapologetic, realistic and true, it sheds light on what must have been a fascinating time to be alive.

Of the three sections of this autobiography, the first two were entertaining in a weird way, and the last was sad. As an example of the first sections, Bob takes a diamond ring from a lady on a train, tells her he's going to go pawn it and bring the money back in half an hour, but doesn't go back for a week. Of course she's not there anymore, and his take on it is this: "I suppose there are people that would say I should have got back quicker to meet her, but I really think she has learnt a valuable lesson, because now if she ever has a daughter that she has to warn about how dangerous it is to get talking to a strange man in a train she will be able to speak from personal experience." (pg. 49) I wouldn't have liked knowing Bob myself, but he was an interesting autobiographical author

Bob is not a person I would have liked. That being said, his adventures, whether they be true or exaggerated, are funny and engrossing. This is a different type of memoir and he's unapologetic about his life. But he is a crook and a killer. His is one of those unbelievable lives, lives that couldn't be made up. He makes money, loses money, steals money. He's a womanizing jerk who still loves his mom. He'll make you mad and make you laugh.

My one complaint is the footnotes. I could have done without most of them, especially the ones telling me word definitons. If I'm unfamiliar with the term let me figure it out from the context or look it up myself.

Bob Moore wants his readers to know that he is not a thief. He just takes the opportunities that have been presented to him, even if that means he has to do a little swindling and lying, but he most certainly is not a thief. This vivid memoir, written in 1935, displays Moore in all his unique glory. From his stint as Chief Engineer on a luxury yacht of the restlessly rich to his snatching of a sack full of diamonds, Moore relates his almost unbelievable tale in a theatrical and over-the-top style. As he winds his way from Glasgow to New York to China, Moore unfailingly finds himself in odd and lucrative situations. His boundless pluck in circumstances like his wildly unsuccessful job in elevator repair or his elaborate duping of a mysterious woman on a train remains a constant throughout his tale. With an attitude as abrasive as sandpaper and no morals of which to speak, his adventures not only astound in the fact that they happened, but in the fact that he got out of them alive. Moore never seems to lose his cool but rather seems to gain someone else's property, no matter what is happening to him. Some of the insights in his story are telling asides of the times in which they were written, giving an almost birds-eye view of the events unfolding during the 1930's and 40's. Whether or not you like this audacious man, it becomes evident that Bob Moore is not only a con man's con man, but a man who can spin a yarn with the best of them.

I was a little uncertain of what to expect with this book. Would it be uproariously funny or would his antics be too reckless to be enjoyable? What I found was a pleasant surprise. Though it's not very literary, Moore's book seems to capture his vitality and pluck in a way that immediately enmeshes his reader. Moore sidles his way around a story, and often the reader is left wondering about his actual complicity in the unlikely events that he seems to continuously find himself in. Yet at times this often funny tale veers into much darker territory, capturing a grit and intensity of a life lived without apologies.

I found that although I could never stomach a man like Moore in person, reading about him was a quite different matter and it was entertaining in a way that I found unexpected. I savored the intensity of the story but I didn't want to get too close. Moore always came across as disarmingly frank, yet he also has a secretive side and didn't always tell the whole story or let on all he knew about the events he was involved in. Often I was left wondering if Moore really was the lovable reprobate that he wanted his readers to believe he was or if the reality was much more ominous. I noticed that many who tangled with the man met with mysterious accidents or acts of sabotage and that those events were always related with a certain satisfaction, which left me wondering about Moore's capacity for vengeance.

Though he mostly came across as very charming and affable, there were moments when his attitude floated into the realm of racism and violence; I found those sections of his narrative were curiously left unexplored and unexamined. On the other hand, the sheer non-stop adventure of his tale left me at times incredulous. I found myself constantly asking if it was possible for this much mayhem to really have existed in Moore's life or if these were just a collection of exaggerated adventures meant to regale. After awhile though, I simply got too involved with his tales of adventure to speculate on these things and started wondering what his next move was going to be.

There was much to enjoy about this book, from the easy rapport that Moore establishes in his recollections to the insanity of some of the situations he places himself in. The only problem I had with the book was that it was not written in a very conversational or literary style. At times it reads almost like a detailed list of exploits, with a dearth of dialogue or description to smooth out the story. Although there was a sufficient amount of action and excitement to attract even the most finicky reader, the delivery was a bit rough.

This book was bold and exciting in a way that I wouldn't have expected by just glancing at the cover or reading a blurb. I came to enjoy the company of this sketchy little man, and I think that readers who are looking for a little variety and color in their memoirs would find a lot to love here. Is Moore just a teller of tall tales, or is there more to the life of this grifter then what's to be expected? Give this book a read, and then decide for yourself

I enjoy reading stories about the not so distant past and a memoir gives me the feeling of being there. DON'T CALL ME A CROOK by Bob Moore is one of those unbelievable enjoyable tales. Originally released in 1935 (but according to the book's forward, it went unnoticed), it tells the tale of a thief and criminal. He tries to explain all that he did, why he did it and the outcomes he endured. He travels around the world creating havoc wherever he went. The story reads like an offbeat comedy of the times

Although written over 70 years ago, the editor inserts footnotes that explain the terms used during that period and also did some research trying to learn more about the author (which I found enjoyable). This reissue is a pleasant read and will probably get more notice this time around.

Reading a memoir offers the unique experience of seeing someone's life through their own eyes.... Which can be both a good and a bad thing. First off the conversational tone used in Don't Call Me A Crook flows easily and keeps the reader engaged. On the other hand the story meanders along like a drunken fable, keeping in chronological order sure, but also recounting the matter of his life in what can only be described as a bragging tone of juvenile triumphs. With the same laid back air of one discussing the weather Bobby talks about violence, death, theft, and the engines of ships. He clearly isn't looking for approval but an audience who would be shocked and held in awe for all his many adventures. What he doesn't realize that while we might listen with our mouths slightly ajar, it is more with a dawning horror than a growing sense of admiration that we finish his tale.

As a reader of mostly fiction (and occasional writer of the same) I always find myself looking for the hidden meaning, the sense of symbolism and subtext that can turn the average story into something of fine literary merit. Considering the source material for this book I was surprised to find a current of human nature and human tragedy woven into Bobby's recollections that I think totally escapes the author himself.

Bobby is a sociopath.

Of course, he doesn't start off that way; he starts off as a frolicking fun loving chap who might lack for a clear focus or direction in life but who's charm and is on par with an excitable puppy. His early adventures, or misadventures, involve a sort of mischief and whimsy. The things he swipes and the ways in which the swiping occur are entertaining and we neither fault Bobby nor really hold him accountable.

But something changes.... Soon Bobby's adventures take on a sinister edge, a violent streak and an acceptance of the darker parts of human nature. The scariest part is that Bobby himself is unaware of either the shift or that his current activities aren't on the same forgivable level as his earlier mischief.

Watching the boy become the man and the man slowly turn into the monster while knowing that he is unaware of any change is a sobering experience. One reads the second half of the book wondering how far Bobby will go. The reader wonders if Bobby will see the error of his ways and if redemption lies in the epilogue.

The answer is no.

It is a big leap from petty thief to murderer but Bobby makes it without batting an eye. His lack of guilt and subsequent actions leave little room to doubt his severe disconnect from his fellow human beings.

By the end of the book I was mesmerized but not in the way I think Bobby intended. The story ends almost abruptly and one knows that Bobby went on to have more adventures. In a sick way I wanted to know what happened next while at the same time feeling relieved that I wasn't going to be party, even by proxy, to Bobby's crimes.

Honestly, I enjoyed reading the book even if it did wander on and on a bit toward the end where Bobby at last succumbs to the easy to fall into trap that threatens every memoir or biography; eventually the story turns into nothing but a long list of "And then I did this," followed by "After that, I did this" with no overriding theme or sense of intended cohesion except of course that it is our narrator who is present in all the adventures.

This is a trap, as previously stated, that is not only common but easy to fall victim to and thus I am willing to make allowances for it. The book was published in 1935 by a small publisher and perhaps we might forgive Bobby for not being a literary marvel... it is enough that he is a good storyteller.

Even if the meaning of his story is beyond him.

These days, just about anyone can document their travels and adventures via many different methods... print-on-demand, blogs, YouTube, etc. But 80 years ago, writing one's memoirs involved actually putting pen to paper, and then hoping that someone could find and buy your book. Don't Call Me a Crook!: A Scotsman's Tale of World Travel, Whisky and Crime by Bob Moore is one such work that apparently had very few readers when it was released in 1935. There's little record as to who Bob Moore was, and how his story came to be told. But their loss is our gain in this reissue, as Moore is quite the character. His ethics and choices are definitely driven by the particular situation he finds himself in, and his situations are quite unusual most of the time...

His main contention that he is not a crook is based on his definition of a man who steals things from others. He merely swipes what he needs or when an opportunity exists that he can opportunistically exploit. For instance, he was invited to a Shriner's gathering where ceremonies were taking place. The ornate swords were locked up afterwards so that the eating and drinking could begin. Moore really wanted a better look at the swords, so he broke the lock on the box that stored them. Seeing such an exquisite work made him think it would be a shame not to have one as a souvenir, and besides, it looked as if that was a really large ruby in the handle. As he was on a ship back over to England, he showed one of the stewards his great find. But it turns out the steward was also a Shriner, knew about the missing sword, and pleaded with Moore to dump it overboard before the 400 other Shriners on board found out about it. He faked throwing it out the porthole to calm down the steward, and then turned around and sold the sword to another passenger. He felt that it was much more useful to get $100 from the sword than to dump it at a total loss, and besides, he wasn't responsible for what the Shriners might do to the new owner, was he? :)

His travels took him around the world, usually as part of an attempt to evade someone who wasn't thrilled with a prior transaction with Moore. And even though he would often show up in a new location with little more than the clothes on his back, he could usually find a new friend to feed and water him for awhile until the latest "swiping" took place. But it wasn't stealing, as he wasn't a crook... :) And once he had a fair amount of money in his possession, it was time to move on again, onto the next great adventure waiting to be experienced..

The editors at Dissident Books did an excellent job in bringing this little-known classic back to life. They cleaned up the sequencing of Moore's travels, so that everything flowed in a chronological order. In addition, they footnoted some of the more antiquated terms and phrases that have lost meaning over the years, or that don't translate well from Moore's Scottish background. The result is an enjoyable read of a very much over-the-top individual who lived and played as hard as he could.