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Don't Carve the Turkey with a Chainsaw: Resolving Family Conflict Perfect Paperback


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Product Details

  • Perfect Paperback: 220 pages
  • Publisher: PineStar Publishing; 1st edition (October 10, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0983751838
  • ISBN-13: 978-0983751830
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 6 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,946,106 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Roger Frame, Ph.D. is The Conflict Whisperer. As the President of Frameworks 4 Learning, LLC, he consults and conducts workshops across the United States on interpersonal conflict management, power struggles and behavior management issues. His clients include businesses, professional associations, governmental agencies, training companies, hospitals, universities, churches and school systems. Roger was one of the first individuals certified by the Florida Supreme Court as a Family Mediator and is a past President of the Florida Society of Psychotherapists. He has a broad range of experience working extensively with families and professionals in the schools, in private practice, and as a trainer and sales representative for The Psychological Corporation and Harcourt Assessment. Thousands of mental health professionals and educators have experienced his quick humor and insightful techniques in highly interactive training workshops. Dr. Frame is currently licensed as both a Licensed Professional Counselor, and a School Psychologist in Colorado. He received his Ph.D. from Michigan State University, his M.A. from Western Michigan University, and his B.A. from Denison University.

More About the Author

Roger Frame (1949-present) was born and raised in East Lansing, MI. When he was 9 years old his family travelled throughout Europe for six months. The summer after he graduated from high school was spent working on the glaciers with the Juneau Icefield Research Project. All but one of the glaciers were receding even then. He received his B.S. in psychology from Denison U., his M.S. in Clinical Psychology from Western Michigan U., and his Ph.D. in School Psychology with an emphasis on organizational development from Michigan State U. As President of his college chapter of Alpha Phi Omega he quadrupled active membership by creating an affiliated program for women.

At the beginning of his career, he worked for a mental health center in Cadillac, MI. He has also worked as a school psychologist in Naples, FL, Denver, CO, and Douglas County CO, In Naples he worked with some of the wealthiest families in the US one day, and migrant families on the next.

As a Visiting Assistant Professor at Southern Illinois University, he directed a child abuse and neglect treatment and prevention program. This project successfully prevented subsequent abuse or neglect by 93% of the referred families. These were not "bad" people, they were people under stress who didn't have the skills to approach their children more effectively.

In Gainesville, FL, Dr Frame also provided mental health counseling services in private practice As President of the Florida Society of Psychotherapists he doubled active participation. He has presented hundreds of workshops across the United States for The Psychological Corporation, Harcourt Assessment and in his current position as author, and consultant with Frameworks 4 Learning, and PineStar Publishing.

His book, Don't Carve the Turkey with a Chainsaw: Resolving Family Conflict, was developed to help families resolve conflict in a manner that would draw them closer together rather than tear them apart. Just as a few inches on the continental divide can determine whether a drop of water flows east or west, minor differences in communication style can generate radically different results.

Customer Reviews

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Don't Carve the Turkey with a Chainsaw is very readable and practical!
DenverDan
On to the content: The book is well organized, easy to read, and can be used as a reference guide as well as a straight-through read.
David M. Dye
I highly recommend this book for families, workplace and for anyone who spends time with people.
brad mikel

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Roger Dorris on April 9, 2012
Format: Perfect Paperback
If you're like me, conflict avoidance is your default setting. But sooner or later, conflict will rear its ugly head, and we owe ourselves---and those with whom we interact---to be prepared with effective strategies for resolving it. Dr. Frame's book, Don't Carve the Turkey with a Chainsaw is very good at outlining practical pathways for dealing with difficult relationships. While two peoples' positions may be diametrically opposed, Dr. Frame demonstrates how to identify the underlying interests behind those positions in order to create win/win solutions. I was particularly impressed with his insights on forgiveness and why taking the right steps toward forgiveness can liberate and energize you as much as the perpetrator. Though the book's emphasis is on family relationships, the principles apply broadly.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Judith Briles on October 24, 2011
Format: Perfect Paperback
Families are dynamic, amazing and sometimes a pain in the rear. Whether it's money issues, kids issues, spouse issues or any of the other everyday living issues that can add a little friction to the homefront, Dr. Roger Frame has created an excellent guide to identify and resolve them. Throughout are useful scripts and scenarios that offer solutions that all families--with or without kids--can use to restore and/or create harmony with their family members. The layout, callouts and the use the The Conflict Whisperer's wise words throughout will make Don't Carve the Turkey with a Chainsaw a must have.

Judith Briles
author of Money smarts for turbulent Times and Show Me About Book Publishing
Show Me About Book Publishing: Survive and Thrive in Today's Literary JungleMoney Smarts for Turbulent Times
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Format: Kindle Edition
Let's start with the title...I love it and it gets at the heart of so many problematic family discussions: using the wrong tool for the job.

Fact is, none of us are born with great communication skills and they decline even more in heated situations - and they can decline even more when those heated situations are with people who we care about or expect care about us.

That's why Frame's book is so important. These are desperately needed skills for anyone who struggles with family communication.

On to the content:

The book is well organized, easy to read, and can be used as a reference guide as well as a straight-through read. It is well-written with a restrained sense of humor that never descend into schmaltz or patronizes the reader. (One of my favorite chapter titles is "Why Teens Act Like Turkeys.")

There are many keen observations throughout the book that can help you in all your difficult conversations, but one of the most powerful in my mind comes toward the end. Frame, who goes by "The Conflict Whisperer" writes, "Every power struggle contains two goals; the surface topic of conversation, and the underlying emotional struggle to preserve dignity, respect, independence, etc."

If we all paid attention to both in all our conversations, what a different world we would live in!

If you struggle with clamming up, with going overboard, with hair-pulling frustration, or just aren't sure how to communicate with your loved ones, I strongly recommend Don't Carve the Turkey (and not just at Thanksgiving!)
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Format: Perfect Paperback
I was fortunate enough to hear Dr. Frame speak last week. The presentation was so good, I followed him & grabbed the book from his hand. When he looked at me, I said "I'll buy it!"

This book is helpful, provides concrete examples that are detailed and specific and written at a level all will enjoy. I especially wanted it because of the fishing analogy related during the presentation: if one is to be successful at catching fish, one must know a lot about the fish -- what they bite, when they're active, etc. To be successful in relationships, one must know a lot about the other person. I knew this would be a useful explanation for my husband and both of us need the advice in the book.

I'm hoping my husband and I can put down our chainsaws before Thanksgiving. Then, I'll lend the book to my sister... then my brothers... then...
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Format: Perfect Paperback Verified Purchase
If you have a spouse, family, or friends with whom you sometimes have had difficult conflicts that hurt, you need to read this book. This is an entertaining and instructive approach to resolving conflict. It is full of familiar of dialogue that may have seemed right at the time but clearly inflamed the conflict. It also illustrates dialogue that works to improve communication and conflict resolution. The real life and humorous approach to conflict makes this book enjoyable to read. Behind this series of humerous narratives is a methodic progression of insightful recommendations. The author counsels that arguments arise from perceived grievances that may be fair or not but need to be addressed. He illustrates different styles of conflict resolution. You are encouraged to get to the central issue by asking questions that recognize that you want to understand the other person's concerns. He shows you how to create an environment that fosters problem resolution. Then there are chapters to help you with people who are particularly challenging: teenagers, stubborn people and mothers-in-law. As I was reading and enjoying the book I kept looking for the author to tell me how to get my conflict partners to read the book so we could both be reducing conflict. Then I came to the last chapter that acknowledges that adopting this new way of interacting is challenging but it can be taken on bit by bit. Over time your conflict partners may notice that you are really trying to help resolve the conflict. Your reward may be that you work together to solve problems. That is probably the time to give them a copy of the book to read and incorporate at their own pace. This book could change your life. Come to think of it, beyond the issue of family conflict, this book could improve the interactions of the US Congress. Your first step is to read the book. Have fun.
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