Don't Count the Candles [Abridged, Audiobook] [Audio Cassette]

Joan Rivers (Author, Reader)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 24, 1999

I've had my face revised from time to time. In fact, Darwin would be happy to know that my face is in a constant state of evolution.

Leave it to the inimitable Joan Rivers to tell the whole truth about how women feel when it comes to getting older. Now, in this funny, charming, and practical new audio, she shows every woman how to be the best she can be and stay youthful, healthy, and mellow at any'and every'age. Don't Count the Candles offers down-to-earth, sensible advice on wardrobe, makeup, fitness, diet, surgery, sex (well, did you think she wouldn't? Grow up!), lifestyle, relationships, and everything in-between that every woman old enough to remember the Beatles needs.

• IQ does not decrease with age. If you were a moron at twenty, you will be a moron at seventy-five.

• They say that when you get older, your sex life diminishes. That would mean I'd owe.

• At fifty, confine your piercing to sardine cans and keep your hair short.

• A roll in the hay keeps the doctor away'unless he happens to be in the hay with you.

In her own personable style, Joan Rivers offers a unique, enlightening, and ultimately uplifting take on every aspect of staying young. Take it from her'the fight against time has only just begun. You've got a lot of living left to do!

Joan Rivers (who else?) reads!

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In this new book about aging, stand-up comic and talk show host Rivers combines her two most marketable talents: snappy wit and common sense. Returning to the self-help genre, which she successfully mastered in Bouncing Back and From Mother to Daughter, she intersperses a seemingly endless supply of jokes (some laugh-out-loud funny, many provoking a smile or a groan) with practical, intelligent and easy-to-follow advice on coping with getting older. Most of the counsel is the stuff of magazine articles: exercise regularly; watch your diet; dress well to feel better; use cosmetics; and keep your home clean and well decorated. There are tips about plastic surgery, making friends, the need to move on after a loss and (more surprisingly) how to date over the Internet, as well as about the benefits of dating younger men. Rivers doesn't aim for the strong, sustained prose of her autobiographical Enter Talking, but manages to entertain and casually inform. There are certainly more serious, comprehensive guides to aging, but Rivers's fans will enjoy this breezy pep talk.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Her advice: stay young or die trying.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Audio Cassette
• Publisher: HarperAudio (March 24, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0694520810
• ISBN-13: 978-0694520817
• Product Dimensions: 7 x 4.5 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,088,593 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #57 in Books > Books on Cassette > Humor

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Can we talk? Joan's latest book is fabulous in every way!, July 27, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Don't Count the Candles: Just Keep the Fire Lit! (Hardcover)

Reading "Don't Count the Candles. . ." is like having Joan Rivers talking directly to the reader--as an old (but fighting it every step of the way) friend. Her honest, shoot from the hip (liposuctioned, of course) game plan and advice is well-written and is done so with Joan's typical humor and wit. I'm buying a copy for all my friends and even my ex-mother-in-law! Go Joan! Keep up the great fight!

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Advice, January 28, 2001

By 

HeyJudy "heyjudy" (East Hampton, NY USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: Don't Count the Candles: Just Keep the Fire Lit! (Mass Market Paperback)

Joan Rivers has her fans. And she has her detractors as well. Yet not even her detractors can deny that she is an honest, gutsy lady who doesn't miss a trick, who took every lemon that life tossed at her and squeezed it until it became a delicious lemonade.

As with her earlier books, DON'T COUNT THE CANDLES is written in her typical breezy style, with plenty of laughs thrown in for no extra charge. That's what this book is, too: a charge. Rare will be the reader who fails to be both enlightened and refreshed by Joan's entertaining outlook on life. For her fans, this one's a must.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars lot of good ideas here...and funny, too, November 6, 1999

By 

Blaine Greenfield "eclectic reader" (Belle Meade, NJ) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Don't Count the Candles: Just Keep the Fire Lit! (Hardcover)

enjoyed reading this book. felt like joan rivers was talking directly to me. my only regret: wish there had been more examples for guys. (it is written, it seems, mostly for women--though it is applicable to either sex.)