Don't Ask for the Dead Man's Golf Clubs: Advice for Friends When Someone Dies [Paperback]

Lynn Kelly (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 8, 1999 | ISBN-10: 0967268613 | ISBN-13: 978-0967268613

People from across the country who have lost family members dear to them provide practical suggestions on what friends can do to comfort a friend. This book emphasizes the importance of support from friends. Comments include what to say, what to write and how to help now as well as over time. The book also includes advice on what not to do.

Widowed at age 34 and left with three small children, author Lynn Kelly said she wrote the book because so many people asked her what they should say and do for a friend who lost a loved one.

"Some friends do things that are so incredibly kind that you can never begin to repay them," Kelly said. "On the other hand, while no friend wants to say or do the wrong thing in this situation, they sometimes do, and it hurts.

"I did some research and found little available for those who wanted to support a grieving friend. I knew what I thought was helpful, but I wondered what others thought, so I decided to find out. I interviewed people across the country, ages 17 to 90, from all walks of life, who have suffered all kinds of loss. This book is a compilation of their suggestions as well as my own. It is meant to provide friends of the bereaved some ideas on how to comfort a friend, and in so doing, I think people will find they receive a little comfort for themselves."

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Immediate first reaction: IT'S ABOUT TIME! A much-needed addition for anyone and everyone who has faced separation through death. This priceless jewel sparks a glint of fresh air in struggling with what to do for someone in the midst of grief.

"This book invited one to spend two minutes to glance through or 30 minutes to browse. What it does is empower, because of its straightforward, practical suggestions on what to do, when to do it and a few tidbits on what not to do or say. For those who share the grief, it clears the cobwebs from a "strained brain" which always accompanies sadness from having 'lost' a friend or family member...

"Kelly's book sparks its own imagination in the confidence that just being a friend in a tough situation means just being a friend. I wish I had this resource a long time ago. Copies will be kept on hand for instantaneous gifts when needed." -- Holly Bartges, Quest Magazine

"This small book fills a large void in helping friends figure out how to show their support to those who have lost a loved one. Full of practical advice culled from interviews with survivors of all ages, the book suggests things to say and do and what not to say or do--an invaluable guide for friends of survivors." -- Tom Auer, Publisher, Bloomsbury Review

"Through what may seem to be a series of simple comments, observations and epigrams, Kelly tells an essential truth; in life, there are no guarantees, there are no promises, there are no certainties other than death. How we deal with it, for good or ill, is what makes us human.

"This is a book that touched me, enraged me, made me laugh, cry and remember. I remembered those who had gone before and those I could not bear to lose.

"And I thought of my grandfather. His fishing gear. And all the friends who appeared before his body was cold asking for just 'something to remember him by'.

"The truth is here, in a way that provides better advice and more insight than a hundred grief therapy books. It is the human experience --shared. -- Greg Moody, Author/Reporter, KCNC TV Denver

About the Author

Lynn Kelly began her writing career as a reporter on a daily newspaper in Cheyenne, WY. There, she met and married Peter Kelly, the local bureau manager for United Press International. After his death, she founded Kelly Communications, a public relations/advertising agency. Lynn is pursuing her Ph.D. at the University of Denver where she teaches applied communication at the University and Women's Colleges. She has three children, Ryan, Leslie and Christopher.

Product Details

• Paperback: 101 pages
• Publisher: Kelly Communications (September 8, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0967268613
• ISBN-13: 978-0967268613
• Product Dimensions: 6.8 x 4.4 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,030,734 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars It's about time!, October 11, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Don't Ask for the Dead Man's Golf Clubs: Advice for Friends When Someone Dies (Paperback)

Thank God somebody finally wrote a book about this.

I found this book to be extraordinariliy meaningful. It helped me get through a very tough time -- my friend's father committed suicide and I wanted to help her, but I didn't know what to do.

The book, which I recommend to anyone who has ever felt awkward in trying to help a friend cope with loss, offered real suggestions from people who have been there. It was friendly and practical and I appreciated that.

A compilation of about 200 people who have delt with a death, the book packs punch and drips in credibility. It's most definitely a must read for anyone who wants to help a friend.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars What do I do? What do I say? Get the Answers Here, March 14, 2000

By 

Kenneth R. Clark (Pennsylvania, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Don't Ask for the Dead Man's Golf Clubs: Advice for Friends When Someone Dies (Paperback)

When a friend suffers the death of a loved one -- mother, father, sibling, spouse or worst of all, a child -- most of us find ourselves most inappropriately tongue-tied. "What do I say; What do I do; How do I handle this?" we ask ourselves in a surge of emotion that can reach the level of panic. All too often, our response is to say, do and handle nothing at all, leaving the bereaved in isolation and ourselves tormented by guilt because we couldn't bring ourselves to be there for them. Now, however, there is a reference manual fit to solve that problem once and for all. Despite the whimsical nature of its title, "Don't Ask for the Dead Man's Golf Clubs" is a treasure trove of very serious advice drawn by Lynn Kelly through interviews with hundreds of people from all walks of life who have suffered the loss of loved ones. Let them tell you what you should or, more importantly, should not say or do to friends in time of grief. Follow their advice and never again will you be at a loss for words when words are most desperately needed. Kelly's effort is more than a book; it is a public service.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars I found this book to be insightful and very well written, September 20, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Don't Ask for the Dead Man's Golf Clubs: Advice for Friends When Someone Dies (Paperback)

Lynn Kelly's new book copes with how to comfort a grieving adult or child. It is filled with helpful suggestions that come straight from the hearts of those who have lost someone dear to them. I recently lost my father to Alzheimer's desease. As one of many who has had to either experience personal grief or comfort another, I found this thoughtful book to be extremely beneficial.