"A firsthand examination of the divorce experience through the eyes and voices of the children of divorce..." Intimate, humorous, touching and wise advice on divorce and its consequences from those most affected by it - the children of divorce. Based on interviews with hundreds of children and adult children of divorce, Don't Divorce Us! provides valuable insights on the steps to take to minimize or avoid the pain that divorce can bring to children. Rita Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D. and John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D., are experienced counselors who have seen first-hand the effects divorce can have on children. For this book they have collaborated with Chelsea Elander, a grown child of divorce herself, to weave often-poignant interviews, stories, essays and artwork from children of divorce, with proven advice on the ways parents can bring children safely through the divorce process and the life that follows. The book provides sensible strategies for coping with the challenges of double-households, long-distance parenting, ex-spouses, parental dating, step-parenting and the many other potentially stressful issues of divorce. For any parents who are considering divorce, are in the divorce process, or have recently divorced, this book offers valuable insights into helping children through the experience.
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Editorial Reviews
From the Publisher
The American Counseling Association (ACA) is the nation's largest organization of counseling professionals. Don't Divorce Us! is a valuable addition to the ACA catalog of professional publications. It is a book that is not only an important resource for counseling professionals, but one written directly for the average parent facing the stress and pain of the divorce experience. No parent wants to inflict the emotional pain of divorce on his or her children, yet too often we lack the perspective to see how that very thing is happening, and how to avoid it. This book, drawing on the experiences of children and adult children of divorce, provides a unique opportunity to see the effects of a dissolving marriage from the child's perspective, while also offering solid, practical counseling advice on the things parents can do to minimize the hurt for their children.
From the Author
In working with divorced and divorcing parents, we have discovered that there is great power in the messages that come directly from children. Sometimes children can articulate in words that are both simple and compelling, basic facts about their personal experience of challenging situations. Readers of this book will be able to understand in no uncertain terms the perspective of children of divorce, including how it feels to be placed in the middle of their parents' divorce-related conflicts. With an estimated 30% to 50% of all children in America having experienced divorce, we feel it is about time for all of us to begin listening more closely to the advice that children (and the adults who experienced divorce as a child) themselves have for divorcing parents. We have organized this book around that children's advice, while including practical advice on how to deal with the issues of divorce that most affect children. From parental honesty to the issues of new relationships and new families, children are on the front line and have a wide range of insights to offer.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
The Most Important Voice,
By A Customer
This review is from: Don't Divorce Us! : Kids' Advice to Divorcing Parents (Paperback)
As somebody entering into a relationship with a man who is adevoted father, I picked up this book to skim the chapter onStepparenting. Instead of skimming a single chapter, I opened the bookto the dedication and found myself reading the entire book in one evening, page after engrossing page. The authors, who have years of professional as well as personal experience in dealing with children of divorce, have done a remarkable dance in the writing of this book. They are present to offer some guidelines, to make a few points. Then, they tiptoe to the background and let the children who they interviewed speak for themselves, sometimes in their own script. The authors are there again, at the end of each chapter, to provide a summary. The authors' commentary is sensitive to the experience of all involved. The children's voices are compelling and let me really appreciate the experience of my to-be stepdaughter. The book also made me understand the importance of everyone having voice in the creation of a stepfamily. I will share this book with my partner, with his daughter, and with my partner's ex-wife as well. The book gives me hope that we can create a future that meets the needs of the one most important and least often heard -- the child.
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