Customer Reviews

I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better : Six Practical Principles to Empower Others to Solve Their Own Problems While Enriching Your Relationships

5 star:		(39)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

After trying to solve others problems, encourage them, give them advice, no matter how great I thought they were, this book awakened me to the idea of letting others come up with their own answers and how I could stop allowing myself to be emotionally manipulated. I feel like I have just come out of a coma in this area.

Until now I never understood what people really wanted when they started unloading their feelings and problems to me. They didn't want me to solve their propblems or fix their lives, they simply wanted their feelings validated so they could then come up with their own solutions. For me this is the most valuable information I have found in the last 15 years.

The applications for use of this information are unlimited. I was speaking with a very successful collections agent. As we were talking, the subject of validating people's feelings came up. She told me that this was her secret to collecting on accounts that no one else had been able to.

For me the possiblities for applications of these concepts in all of my personal and business relationships is fantastic.

Thank you Gary & Joy

Validation has changed my life. I have just finished reading "You Don't Have To Make It All Better", It is one of those "I'd wished I'd know it then", things. I have a difficult 17 year old, validation has literally given us back a relationship. I also taught the concept to my 21 year old son and his girlfriend in their struggling relationship. I saw a difference in their attitudes over night. I can't begin to share with you all the stories that validation has given to me. Thank you so much for your efforts in writing the book and bringing to light what I have found to be truth.

I Don't Have To Make Everything All Better, the title caught my eye as I browsed through an airport bookstore. The first thought that came to my mind was, "I wish that were true." At the time I was heavy with personal and relationship issues and the title made me curious so I bought the book. As I read this book over the next couple of days issues in my relationships became amazingly clear. I kept thinking, "Yes, yes, this is it! This is what I need to be applying in my marriage and in all my relationships!" Each page seemed incredibly simple and practical and, at the same time, profound and powerful. As I took in the content, I first thought about myself and my relationships, especially my relationship with my wife and kids. Then I thought about everyone I knew and worked with. I have worked with people one on one and in small groups for the past 18 years, and I kept thinking, "Everyone needs this book!" The principles in this book hit right at the heart of relationships. The Lundbergs insightfully reveal that all of us need to know that we are of worth, that we matter to those around us. We all want to be valued and listened to. However most people don't feel listened to. Most of us don't listen well to others, even the people we love the most. Instead of listening most of us tend to think about our own situation or problems, or we begin to formulate well meaning "advice" we can give to "fix" that person. In so doing we inevitably invalidate that person and begin a process of negative relating for everyone involved. In contrast, the Lundbergs present 6 very simple, practical principles that, when applied, will empower the people and relationships we care about. In a nutshell they practically demonstrate that when we listen - when we truely listen to those we care about, without becoming defensive or thinking about how to "fix" them, we in essence validate them. When people feel validated they are empowered to solve their own struggles and problems with you walking beside them. My wife had told me for years that I did not "validate" her experience, her emotions, her opinions. After reading this book I finally knew what she meant. I meant well by trying to encourage and give advice, but I had never truely listened to her. Once I began applying the principles in this book I felt freed up from always trying to "fix" her and she felt empowered and respected more fully by me. In the work that I do I have literally read 100's of books in the past 18 years - most of them dealing with relationships and leadership. This is the best book I have read on either topic! Get this book, read it, apply it, and share it with others! Dan Christensen

I am not one to read self-help type of books, but upon special recommendation I read this one. I am SO GLAD I did. Joy and Gary have hit upon the very nerve of all realationships, giving us invaluable tools to improve damaging relationships, and enrich good ones. As I have applied the six principles discussed in the book there has been greater wisdom and joy in my home, and more peace in my own mind. My goal now is to keep these steps in practice, and by example teach them to my children thus helping them enjoy thier lives all the more. Contention disappears, and stress lessens when these steps are applied. There isn't a person alive who couldn't use the great benefits of this book.

The principles in this book are applicable to any and all relationships in your life. It is very well written, easy to read and the real-life examples used are very relevant and illuminating. You will think twice before using the words 'should' and 'ought' in communicating with people after reading this, and will undoubtedly become a much better listener!

This book is great.
Easy to read, practical, with very concrete advice that WORKS immediately!
You can start applying the suggestions right away and reap the benefits.
It worked with my 3 year old son and my 60 year old father. It's going to really enhance the relationship I have with my son.

No kidding! Depending on your personality type, if you are experiencing some stress & communication problems in your relationships, buy this book right away. It could do miracles for you too.

I wish I'd had this book, these principals, years ago. The book is well-written, easy to understand, and with practice, the principals work. I've found that they also have helped free me from guilt about not being able to fix everything.

I would recommend this book to anyone. I've read many things on the subject of relationships before, but nothing that so quickly gives you tools to improve every single relationship you have. When I say tools, I mean it literally; if you want to pound a nail, you reach for a hammer, not a screwdriver. If you want immediate improvement in a relationship, reach for this book.

I am often skeptical of self-help books, anticipating that they may be too simplistic, but this one did not fall into this group. The authors take care in their presentation of ideas, and while it is simple, accessible, and conversational, it is well-thought out, caring, and well-presented. I learned to validate others' feelings rather than feeling compelled to correct the person or the problem. While I am not a dramatically changed person, which few books can hope for, I do expect that the book helped these ideas sink in. My 3 stars is a postive rating: I save 4 and 5 for special cases.

This book explains how to practice validation, a technique for improving one-on-one communication that requires empathetic listening to another person's thoughts without making judgements or attempting to resolve the other person's problems.