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You Don't Have to Take it Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One
 
 
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You Don't Have to Take it Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One [Hardcover]

Steven Stosny (Author)
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)

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Book Description

December 27, 2005
As many as one-third of all American women tiptoe through life as if they are walking on eggshells -- at home, they spend most of their time trying to avoid criticism, anger, put-downs, or cold shoulders from their husbands or boyfriends. This verbal and emotional abuse can erupt over anything and everything, matters large and small: housework, cooking, work, spending money, buying household items and clothes for the kids, and going out. Clearly, verbal and emotional abuse is a serious problem.

Relationship expert Dr. Steven Stosny has been featured on national media for the revolutionary techniques he uses in his Compassion-Power and Boot Camp programs, which help men rewire their resentment and anger, stop using emotionally abusive language and behavior, and compassionately recommit to their marriages and families.

Now, in You Don't Have to Take It Anymore, Dr. Stosny puts his effective, highly sought-after program into print, making it widely available for the first time for women who want to stop walking on eggshells. Drawing on his seventeen years of experience treating thousands of clients, Dr. Stosny explains the many different forms a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship can take. He explains how to identify abuse and why it's important to take action to change the relationship -- for not only is verbal and emotional abuse monumentally destructive to both the adults in the relationship, it also hurts their children. Dr. Stosny shows women and men how to apply his methods at home, shows women how to get their men to change, and demonstrates how they can know if change is permanent. Additionally, Dr. Stosny's program helps women recover from the pain and abuse by practicing self-healing skills so that they can reclaim their natural sense of competence and confidence. Using language that is more compassionate and accessible than in any other book on relationship abuse -- and different tactics from most other therapies and therapists -- You Don't Have to Take It Anymore presents a practical program that both women and men can use to stop verbal and emotional abuse.


Frequently Bought Together

You Don't Have to Take it Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One + How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It + Love Without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

If you're always walking on eggshells around your partner, Stosny is writing for you. The CompassionPower founder and relationship expert draws examples and exercises from his experience working with couples as he discusses core values, anger management, power struggles and reconstruction. Resentment is Stosny's main target (not possible underlying depression, anxiety or other factors). The approach may provide false hope if the reader's reality is too complex for self-help, but it could also foster important life changes. (Jan. 10)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"This book is revolutionary, compassionate, clear, practical, and generous. Revolutionary and compassionate in that it will change forever the way we understand emotional abuse and the heart of the abuser. Clear and practical in that it gives easy-to-follow, step-by-step guidelines for recovery. Generous in that it's all there -- the whole approach. Nothing else to buy. I highly recommend it to couples and to anyone working with couples."

-- Diane Sollee, founder and director, Coalition for Marriage, Family & Couples Education, www.smartmarriages.com

"No other book gives such help and hope to relationships plagued by emotional and verbal abuse. Written with compassion, You Don't Have to Take It Anymore is a gift to you as well as the people you love."

-- Pat Love, EdD, author of The Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy

"In these pages, Stosny breaks the code of family violence and provides family members from all walks of life with a Rosetta stone on how to act and be different. His program is remarkable because it works. Simply stated, this book has a profound chance of changing family violence forever."

-- Terry Hargrave, PhD, author of Forgiving the Devil and Professor of Counseling, West Texas A&M University

"This stunning book will touch men and women in powerful and different ways. A hard-nosed yet compassionate and hopeful look into the heart of toxic resentment in marriage. No married man or woman who reads this book carefully will be the same afterward."

-- William J. Doherty, PhD, Director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at the University of Minnesota, author of Take Back Your Marriage


Product Details

  • Hardcover: 384 pages
  • Publisher: Free Press (December 27, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0743284690
  • ISBN-13: 978-0743284691
  • Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.3 x 1.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #261,870 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Steven Stosny, Ph.D., is the founder of CompassionPower in suburban Washington, DC. Dr. Steven Stosny's most recent books is, Love without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One. He has appeared on 'The Oprah Winfrey Show,' 'CBS Sunday Morning,' and CNN's 'Talkback Live' and 'Anderson Cooper 360' and has been the subject of articles in, The New York Times, The Washington Post, U.S. News & World Report, The Wall Street Journal, Esquire, Cosmopolitan, O, Psychology Today, AP, Reuters, and USA Today. He has offered hundreds of workshops all over the world and has presented at most of the leading professional conferences. A consultant in family violence for the Prince George's County Circuit and District courts, as well as for several mental health agencies in Maryland and Virginia, he has treated over 4,500 clients for various forms of resentment, anger, abuse, and violence. He has taught at the University of Maryland and at St. Mary's College of Maryland.

 

Customer Reviews

37 Reviews
5 star:
 (26)
4 star:
 (3)
3 star:
 (3)
2 star:
 (2)
1 star:
 (3)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
4.3 out of 5 stars (37 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

75 of 78 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Life Changing Program, March 7, 2006
This review is from: You Don't Have to Take it Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One (Hardcover)
Steven Stosny's book and Boot Camp program are a life changing event. I am a stubborn Marine with 45+ years of doing things one way, without compassion. It clearly wasn't working and I knew it. I have been working on changing for more than 20 years. While working through this program I experienced an epiphany that has opened a floodgate of positive change in my life. As a result of Steven Stosny, this book and his programs, my life will never be the same.

If you are a man, and you have the guts to admit that what you are doing isn't working this book and actively pursuing the program outlined in it will change you for the better.
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54 of 56 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The best book ever written on emotional abuse, August 9, 2006
By 
This review is from: You Don't Have to Take it Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One (Hardcover)
I have read many books on emotional abuse and this book, by far, is the best. Dr. Stosny must have been a fly on our wall over the last 25 years to be able to reiterate "verbatim" some of the conversations and events that have happened in our home.

As a woman, I highly recommend this book for other women who either know they're being emotionally abused, or have that gnawing feeling deep down inside that tells them something just isn't right about their relationship.

Dr. Stosny provides you with insight into your situation, and a Boot Camp section for your husband/boyfriend to go through. He also provides advice on what to do if either party is unwilling to go through the process. Make no mistake - this is NOT a quick fix. The abuser must come to terms with the fact that the recovery process may take years to complete. But things can still get much better than they are now very quickly.

Ultimately, this book provided me with much needed peace of mind by showing me that I wasn't crazy to think that life HAD to better than this, and that I didn't have to live this way. If you are in this situation, or know someone who is and if you love them, PLEASE buy this book. It will be the greatest thing you could ever give them.
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32 of 33 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Hope for the hopeless!, January 9, 2006
By 
This review is from: You Don't Have to Take it Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One (Hardcover)
Dr. Stosny has the ability to make complex concepts understandable. Better yet, he has the ability to show others how to apply the principles he teaches! This book is a warm, hope-filled testimony to the power of compassion, and a catalyst for changing lives. I like the fact that it doesn't take two to begin the healing process in a relationship -- you can begin today, with or without your spouse or significant other. No more waiting for him or her to change, no more feelings of being held hostage emotionally, no more hopelessness. This is a book worth reading whether you need it for yourself, or want to recommend it to others.

Diane Nicholson, MA
Springhill Center for Family Development
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Inside This Book (learn more)
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
three compassionate things, resentment item, things aboutyou, resentment list, core hurts, abuser groups, communal connections, name core, own core value, distressed child, deepest core, emotional attunement, favorite art, deepest values
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Core Value Bank, Boot Camp, Mother Teresa
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