45 of 53 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
might be OK for total know-nothings, April 25, 2004
This review is from: Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes: The Ultimate Guide to the Opposite Sex (Paperback)
The basic attempt with this book was to use sex differences - which are all the rage these days - to make a relationships self-help book. The self-help stuff requires the usual and worn-to-death case studies of couples, followed by nice/neat explanations showing us just how simple all this really is, while the sex differences material requires a more expository approach, discussing the latest in brain research, etc. The net result is that instead of being coherent, the book comes across as being schizo, like it can't decide which kind of book it really wants to be. Or maybe the two different authors wrote different chapters. In other words, some of the book is good, a lot of it is so-so, and the rest not so great. At times it's even ridiculous.
The sex differences stuff is so watered down and simple-minded as to be virtually ludicrous (not to mention useless). Men are one-track minded hunters and women are caring/nurtering gatherers in this black and white universe. Consequently, they're able to give simple and definite answers to nuanced questions and situations which are, of course, a little more complicated than they'd like to think.
In spite of a page in the intro making one think the authors are sympathetic to men, the net portrayal is of belching, farting, dirty-joke telling louts who won't put the toilet seat down, ask for directions, or let go of the TV remote - just like in any sitcom. There's even a section on "retraining your man". The section on lieing starts out by assuring us men and women lie in equal amounts, but then devolves into illustrating all the ways men lie to women. I suppose we could have guessed from the cover being 70% pink that this book was mostly aimed at a female audience and therefore needs to constantly remind them how superior they are to men. And there's some misleading info on how much men need/want women, for example it's stated without qualification that any/all sex for men is good, though I can assure the authors that most men know very well the difference between good and bad sex, and all the shades between.
I found annoying all the plugs and mentions scatterd thru the text of the authors' previous book. Also annoying were sentences that I'd just read repeated in bold type in between paragraphs, like I'd missed them the first time; though sometimes these bold face bits have quotes or not-too-funny jokes. Altogether this wasn't a very good book. Maybe 2 1/2 stars max.
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Disappointing and insulting to both genders, March 1, 2009
This review is from: Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes: The Ultimate Guide to the Opposite Sex (Paperback)
I really wanted to like this book - from the front & back cover, it looks like a John Gray type of "understanding the opposite sex" book, but with some fun and humor thrown in.
However, I was seriously disappointed by the book overall, and downright appalled at some of the "advice" given. I had a difficult time believing that the book was written by a married couple together. Although author Allan Pease has published other books and video programs on communication, I don't know what Barbara's credentials are on the subject, or whether either of them has any kind of personal educational background in human psychology. Some of their scientific information needs updating, to reflect more current statistics and research findings beyond slanted studies from the 1970's, and their professional references also leave a few things to be desired. (Among the "references" listed in the back of the book, you'll find "Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys" and "The Farting Book." The author himself has previously published a book on rude and "politically incorrect" jokes, which this book is peppered with.)
You will definitely find some gender-specific truisms in here, points about each sex that I doubt anyone would disagree with and some that might even prove helpful. However, you will also find some disastrous suggestions, such as telling men that if his wife wants to talk out an argument before bed, he suggest that she put it on ice and say, "can we talk about this over the weekend?" I cannot imagine a single woman in America (aside from Mrs. Pease, apparently) who would respond positively to such a suggestion.
Worse even than that, there is a MARKEDLY obvious bias being perpetuated here - and, no surprise, it's the typical cultural bias that men do their perplexing and sometimes destructive things because they "just can't help it" - their poor widdle brains just don't have the capacity for rational thought, higher communication, or an understanding of commitment and monogamy - and that it's primarily women who should learn to look the other way, adjust themselves accordingly, and modify their expectations. Often the suggestions of how a woman should "handle" or "train" (their words) her man sounds more like a manual for managing willful toddlers or not-so-bright puppies. If I were a man, I would find such positions insulting - and as a woman, I certainly do.
But don't take my word for it - here are some of the most egregious examples: According to the Peases, if a wife is being harrassed and treated poorly by her husband's mother, it's HER fault. She should have made more of an effort to "bond" with the mother-in-law prior to the wedding. And it's now her job to "make nice". She should not "nag" her husband, regardless of how responsible he may be for creating or exascerbating the problem, or whether the truth is he needs to be mature and cut the apron strings, making his current wife & family a higher priority than his nagging, intrusive mother.
If that isn't enough to rankle you, flip forward a few chapters to the extensive area of the book dedicated to breaking down and assessing the physical components of female sexuality, where women are given the following piece of advice toward having a successful marriage: "A good hairdresser can be sought to recommend how to best wear your hair, your dentist can correct your teeth, and lingerie parties will show you how to best display your physical assets." Huh? I've been to a lingerie party (hosted by my boss at work, so I kinda had to make an appearance); I don't remember us gals standing around and practicing "displaying our assets" - not even after several glasses of champagne. But the deep and meaningful suggestions don't stop there - they go on to say: "treat yourself to a nose job or enhance your breasts for your birthday. In the twenty-first century there is no longer any legitimate reason not to look the way you want." I have no further comment.
If you're truly interested in learning about gender and communication styles, I implore you to pick up any of Deborah Tannen's wonderful books, or I can't say enough positive things about Terrence Real's "How Can I Get Through to You?"
For better romance & intimacy, Sharon Wolf's "How to Stay Lovers for Life" and any of the romance books written by Gregory Godeck are great.
For deeper spiritual connection, I strongly recommend Miguel Ruiz's, "The Mastery of Love" or "How to Create A Magical Relationship" by Ariel and Shya Kane.
Any of the above put this book to absolute shame. I wish I could have given it less than 1 star.
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11 of 14 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
I guess it depends on who you are., September 25, 2006
This review is from: Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes: The Ultimate Guide to the Opposite Sex (Paperback)
I really like this book and if I hadn't stumbled across it in a bookstore I probably wouldn't have bought it based on the reviews here. If you are a serious researcher on gender differences, this is NOT the book for you. If you have been married or otherwise living with your partner for a number of years, it probably isn't for you either. However, I do think there is a captive audience in people who are thinking of moving in together or have recently done so (as is in my case).
My boyfriend recently moved in with me and had been driving me nuts! I was divorced 14 years ago and this is my first live-in relationship since then. When I picked up this book in the bookstore, it had me crying I was laughing so hard. Yes there are a lot of stereotypes, and the generalizations they make are probably not warranted when blanketly applied. However, I am SO glad I picked up the book because it reminded me what to expect in terms of typical male-behavior, and of course, pointed out MY behaviors that are probably making him crazy too!
So anyway, the book is in the relationship self-help section NOT because it is a serious academic book on the psychology of gender differences (the title and design of the book cover suggest that as well). Yes the book is very basic, so if you are a self-help devotee you probably won't find it all that great either. However if you are neither of those and your mate is making you crazy, I think you will find the book both humorous and informative. I did!
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