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Don't Kill the Birthday Girl: Tales from an Allergic Life [Hardcover]

Sandra Beasley
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (68 customer reviews)

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Book Description

July 12, 2011

A beautifully written and darkly funny journey through the world of the allergic.
 
Like twelve million other Americans, Sandra Beasley suffers from food allergies. Her allergies—severe and lifelong—include dairy, egg, soy, beef, shrimp, pine nuts, cucumbers, cantaloupe, honeydew, mango, macadamias, pistachios, cashews, swordfish, and mustard. Add to that mold, dust, grass and tree pollen, cigarette smoke, dogs, rabbits, horses, and wool, and it’s no wonder Sandra felt she had to live her life as “Allergy Girl.” When butter is deadly and eggs can make your throat swell shut, cupcakes and other treats of childhood are out of the question—and so Sandra’s mother used to warn guests against a toxic, frosting-tinged kiss with “Don’t kill the birthday girl!”
 
It may seem that such a person is “not really designed to survive,” as one blunt nutritionist declared while visiting Sandra’s fourth-grade class. But Sandra has not only survived, she’s thrived—now an essayist, editor, and award-winning poet, she has learned to navigate a world in which danger can lurk in an unassuming corn chip. Don’t Kill the Birthday Girl is her story.
 
With candor, wit, and a journalist’s curiosity, Sandra draws on her own experiences while covering the scientific, cultural, and sociological terrain of allergies. She explains exactly what an allergy is, describes surviving a family reunion in heart-of-Texas beef country with her vegetarian sister, delves into how being allergic has affected her romantic relationships, exposes the dark side of Benadryl, explains how parents can work with schools to protect their allergic children, and details how people with allergies should advocate for themselves in a restaurant.
 
A compelling mix of memoir, cultural history, and science, Don’t Kill the Birthday Girl is mandatory reading for the millions of families navigating the world of allergies—and a not-to-be-missed literary treat for the rest of us.


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Editorial Reviews

Review

"A sufferer's witty, sobering account of living with life-threatening food allergies." —People

“Charming…Beasley is a warm and lively guide to the quirky world of allergies… a vital call to arms for allergy awareness.” —Boston Globe
 
An “honest and amusing medical memoir that’s also a patient-written primer on food allergies. This birthday girl doesn’t kvetch, though she has every right to. She doesn’t consider herself a victim, just someone who has to experience the world differently from the rest of us.” —Washington Post
 
Beasley shares surprisingly delightful stories about her own fraught relationship with food.” —Prevention
 
“An unself-pitying meditation on what it’s like to live without goodies most of us consider essential. What’s more, she somehow manages to make the whole thing hilarious.” —Self

"This information- and anecdote-filled book will be a welcome antidote to the worries and fears endured by families with food allergies."—Booklist

“Intelligent and witty…enthralling…thoughtful and well-written.” Publishers Weekly

"Award winner Beasley (e.g., Barnard Women Poets) offers a cultural study of living the “allergic life.” Library Journal

“Fascinating…humane and informative.” Kirkus Reviews

"[A] fun read...Beasley is certainly inspiring to anyone who's suffered from allergies or other medical conditions that make you feel like you're on the outside looking in. But her memories of a supportive family who stuck with her through hard times, friends and lovers who accommodated her needs, and her narrative of independence and self-sufficiency will strike a chord with any reader—even those whose gustatory options are endless." —SeriousEats.com

"For readers who suffer from allergies, or care for someone who does, for parents who wonder why they can no longer send their child to school with the American staple, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or for anyone curious about how Sandra Beasley handles a lifelong challenge successfully, this book is for you. Winning, wise and humorous, you'll think twice when someone says, ‘Pass the peanuts.’” Adriana Trigiani, bestselling author of Don't Sing at the Table
 
“Sandra Beasley’s memoir—so bright and lucid and compelling, so intelligent and affecting—is even more than a gripping tale of living with numerous, potentially deadly allergies.  Brilliantly combining her personal narrative with medical research and cultural analyses, Beasley’s memoir is ultimately an exploration of how we negotiate our vulnerable, permeable selves in a world that is filled equally with joy and harm.”  Richard McCann, author of Mother of Sorrows
 
"Don’t Kill the Birthday Girl is much more than a compelling examination of food allergies—it’s a meditation on human fragility. Sandra Beasley has made visible the potential hazards of what so many of us take for granted and moves away from the body’s rejection of allergens into the story of what it means to live and love.  In sparkling prose, Beasley has written a memoir that becomes a remarkable mélange—undeniably informative, and a real pleasure—both hip and wickedly smart." Alex Lemon, author of Happy: A Memoir and Fancy Beasts
 
“Sandra Beasley's book is both hilarious and moving. It's about what it's like to live in fear of hidden parmesan, but it's also about teenage rebellion, romance and George Washington Carver. Recommended for everyone, no matter what their immune system is like.” A.J. Jacobs, author of My Life as an Experiment and The Year of Living Biblically

Don't Kill The Birthday Girl is a compelling and enlightening exploration of what life is like for someone with life threatening allergies.  Thoughtful and witty but most important, educational, this book is a must read for anyone who has or knows someone with severe allergies—which means everyone.” —Jill McCorkle, author of Going Away Shoes and Carolina Moon

About the Author

SANDRA BEASLEY is the author of the poetry collections I Was the Jukebox, winner of the 2009 Barnard Women Poets Prize, and Theories of Falling, which won the 2007 New Issues Poetry Prize. Her honors include a DCCAH Individual Artist Fellowship, the Friends of Literature Prize from the Poetry Foundation, and the Maureen Egen Writers Exchange Award from Poets & Writers, Inc. She lives in Washington, D.C., where her prose has been featured in the Washington Post Magazine.


Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Crown; First Edition edition (July 12, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 9780307588111
  • ISBN-13: 978-0307588111
  • ASIN: 0307588114
  • Product Dimensions: 5.7 x 0.9 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (68 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #122,362 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Sandra Beasley is the author of Don't Kill the Birthday Girl: Tales from an Allergic Life, a memoir and cultural history of food allergies. Her previous books are both collections of poetry: I Was the Jukebox, which won the 2009 Barnard Women Poetry Prize, selected by Joy Harjo, and Theories of Falling, which won the New Issues Poetry Prize judged by Marie Howe. Her work has appeared in Poetry, Slate, The Believer, Poetry Daily, Verse Daily, and The Best American Poetry 2010.

Beasley lives in Washington, D.C., where her nonfiction has been featured in the Washington Post Magazine. For more information, please visit www.SandraBeasley.com, follow her on Twitter @SandraBeasley, or check out her Author page on Facebook.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
29 of 32 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Entertaining and educational without being preachy June 11, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
It was with a bit of dread that I began to read this book. I've read many self told tales of misery and redemption over the years, and stopped choosing books of that genre as the overall tone became too self-absorbed ("No one else out of six billion people has had it worse than me."), self-promoting ("I cured myself and I can cure you, too!!") and a bit preachy ("If you don't do what I tell you, you will die a horrible, painful death."). What a delight it was when this book turned out to be so different.

With no shortage of humor and wit does the author give the story of her life with allergies. Some, such as dairy, pollens, eggs and nuts, are those we've all heard of. But honeydew melons? Cucumbers? It was interesting to see how some people have allergies to foods most of us would never even consider putting on a list of allergy inducing items. Her reactions to these items also ran the gamut from a mild reaction easily taken care of with Benadryl (which gets a huge plug in this book) or a race to the ER to prevent full anaphylactic shock. I also came away from this book with much more understanding of the isolation that must be felt by those with severe allergies. As a child, could you imagine how it would feel to be left out of a birthday party because the child's parents arranged for a petting zoo? I remember living in Michigan and taking a trip to the JIFFY factory, which as a third grader was very cool. As an adult, I can't imagine being the only child in all the third grade classes unable to go because of an allergy. Yet I don't feel pity for the author, but rather empathy, and I think that is one of the author's goals in writing this book. She leaves the reader wanting a better understanding of the life she and millions of others lead every day instead of making the reader feel sorrow and evoking the old "Oh, poor thing" response.

Today, stories of children and food allergies are not at all uncommon. However, when the author was a child over thirty years ago, many people, including doctors, were much less educated and understanding of what someone with food allergies went through. People didn't understand that just touching a peanut, let alone taking a bite of a pb & j, could kill. If it were the 1970's - 1980's and someone told you they were allergic to cucumbers, how many people do you think would believe that person was serious? Most restaurants would have just picked off the cucumbers and re-served the salad. Until the last decade, manufacturers were not required to list on packaging if the product inside the box or bag was exposed to or contained allergens such as tree nuts, soy or dairy. Every meal not carefully prepared at home would have been a life threatening gamble.

I enjoyed the author's trip through time to the present as she describes the advances in recognizing and treating allergies. She skillfully drops in scientific information alongside a humorous anecdote so the information is presented in a way that doesn't feel as if the reader is being lectured to via dry, sleep inducing text. I also didn't get the sense of "oh, woe is me" while reading this book, which is utterly refreshing. Miss Beasley does express her exasperation with the whole ordeal, but tempers it with self-effacing jests. For me, it was like listening to a science lesson from that favorite teacher or professor in school.
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32 of 41 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Witty & educational promo for Benadryl June 3, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
I enjoyed reading Don't Kill the Birthday Girl by Sandra Beasley. The author's accounts of her challenges of coping with food allergies are ones in which I can relate, empathize, and laugh lest I cry. She intersperses historical and scientific information about allergies and vegetarianism and such in with her memoirs.

The author comes off very likable in the book, but before the end, I become very annoyed that she is still continuing to try eating in restaurants as she openly admits she has anaphylactic shock about half of the time; each time she is exposed to her allergen, she is chancing developing more allergies and even become a universal reactor (just look at the work by Doris Rapp, MD). She laments that others just don't understand about foods needing to be "Sandra-friendly" but doesn't see that she is the one that needs to understand how important it is and not risk her health and even her very life for the fleeting experience of eating at a restaurant. One cannot expect others to treat one better than one is treating themselves. The ultimate responsibility for one's health lies with yourself and really should not be placed recklessly in the hands of those that are less informed and probably care more about their own circumstances than ours.

Those of us with food allergies, intolerances, and/or sensitivities know that you must take the responsibility for being vigilant by always reconfirming the status of a menu item and addressing cross-contamination issues each and every time. Just because one time is a success doesn't mean that ordering the same thing at the same restaurant will be a success next time as your meal is only as safe as the cook, ingredients, kitchen, utensils, and waitperson was that particular time. Sandra's solution is Benadryl; carry a large supply of Benadryl at all times and never be without it. By the end of the book, I felt like a mom wanting to sit down with her daugher saying "Sandra, please be more loving and kind to yourself. Please discontinue trying to make others understand how important it is to treat you medical condition more seriously and start trying to be more self-responsible not taking your health for granted and gambling / risking what carefree spontaneity and health you possess. What are you going to do if Benadryl stops working for you or if they change the recipe or processing of Benadryl? Please, Sandra, be more protective of your health and your very life." If she were my patient I would tell her that many of my patients who are waiters tell me that they think many of the customers requesting allergen accommodation are "drama queens" and "control freaks" and are "faking it". Do you really want to put your health and life in the hands of someone who may have their own control issues and other psychological issues and are NOT going to even attempt to get your order "Sandra-friendly"?

I applaud what research the author did on the processing of so many different things to see the allergen status for her but it is always best to find out in a safe way without harming yourself or gambling with your health.

If a potential reader doesn't have a support group or wants to know more about what allergic people deal with, this is a great entertaining educational read. Just please don't emulate the author's too carefree behavior with her serious medical condition.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Life on the other end of the wheeze July 3, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
It's tough to cook for people these days -- allergies galore, vegetarians, caffeine and sugar free folks, gluten sensitivities, lactose intolerances. It's easy to view all of this negatively, as if these overly fussy folks were willfully making our lives hard... and somehow perversely enjoying it.

But Sandra Beasley illuminates the terrors and complexities of the allergic life in such a winning way that you might just let go of your resentments. Until I read this book, I just couldn't imagine how allergies can shut down a person's life so completely. Ms. Beasley is allergic to everything you could imagine, from dairy foods, beef and shrimp to melons, mustard, cucumbers and nuts. "That's not somebody designed to survive, now, is it," opines a nutritionist in her fourth-grade class.

With humor and pathos, Ms. Beasley shows how allergies put many of the things we take for granted out of her reach. The food rituals of childhood that she couldn't share, the spontaneity of love that is denied her, the deadly perils that lie on every plate put before her. Her life is one tenuous day after another, her survival continually in the balance.

Ms. Beasley interweaves her personal story with research and data about allergies and allergic reactions. If you're not a fellow-sufferer, you might choose to skip over some of this very detailed information. But slow down when you come to her life story, because she tells it well.

I particularly cheered for Ms. Beasley when she goes alone to Galatoire's in the French Quarter of New Orleans and studies the menu carefully for something she can eat. A solicitous waiter assists her, and after a slight misstep, she has a meal to savor and remember. "The pleasure of each bite was intensified by the risk of trusting an unfamiliar city to take care of me," she writes. The reader comes away glad that she's being taken care of and that she is enjoying herself at last.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Informative, fast read
An informative and fast read. Beasley's personal accounts are equal parts entertaining and depressing - definitely evokes waves of sympathy! Read more
Published 15 days ago by Karen Ho
4.0 out of 5 stars Great overview of the reality and history of living with food...
Sandra really hits this on the head - she's lived it her whole life and, as the husband of a wonderful person with (thankfully) far fewer food allergies, this book SERIOUSLY helped... Read more
Published 1 month ago by James Ridgway
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious
This book is hilarious and finds the humor in those of us who live with food allergies. I am gluten sensitive and my daughter is allergic to peanuts. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Gadget Girl
5.0 out of 5 stars Learned A Lot
I can honestly say I knew very little about food allergies. Since reading this book, I learned the seriousness of the situation. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Brooke Young
4.0 out of 5 stars I was impressed -- and I learned, too
My heart goes out to the author of DON'T KILL THE BIRTHDAY GIRL and her travails with, it seems at times, practically everything edible, breathable or smellable. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Allen Smalling
5.0 out of 5 stars Purchased for daughter-in-law
We have a grandson who has severe food allergies. Our daughter-in-law had mentioned this book and we thought it would really help her to understand more about our grandson's... Read more
Published 4 months ago by Cody & Chloe's mom
4.0 out of 5 stars recommended!
Sandra Beasley's first love is poetry, and it shows in her lyrical, flowing prose. She presents a very personal account of life with severe food allergies with a humor and... Read more
Published 11 months ago by Lorel Shea
2.0 out of 5 stars She Makes Things Harder for Herself
There was some interesting information in this book but what I couldn't help asking myself was 1. Why does she eat out so darn much? 2. Why doesn't she pack her own food? Read more
Published 11 months ago by LoveBios
5.0 out of 5 stars "Food" for Thought
This was a surprising read for me. Why? Because I had a preconceived idea about the content of the book. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Leanna Manuel
5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting window into life of those w/ severe allergies
Have you ever thought you knew what a book would be like before you read it? I have. I assumed this would be one of those books by those folks who have banned peanut butter in... Read more
Published 14 months ago by Boston Lesbian
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