Customer Reviews

I Don't Know How She Does It: A Comedy about Failure, a Tragedy about Success

5 star:		(150)
4 star:		(77)
3 star:		(45)
2 star:		(38)
1 star:		(38)

 

 

I just devoured this book on a guilt-ridden business trip and identified so strongly with the character of Kate. It was the first time I have heard the working mom's voice articulated so clearly. I laughed out loud repeatedly on the plane and ultimately felt a little better about the decisions I have made in my life. A must-read.

As a working mom logging in over 2,000 billable hours a year outside the home -- I couldn't put the book down. Obviously this book "spoke" to me on a very personal level. It was such a guilty pleasure to read -- when, like Kate, I had Holdiay cards to send, cookies to bake for the school Christmas party and matters of the family to attend to all after coming home from work at 10 pm. But, I'm not sure I would "get" this book or enjoy it much if I hadn't already walked a mile in Kate Reddy's shoes.

Of course this book is over the top -- doesn't it have to be to be entertaining? Even I found myself saying "I don't know how she does it." But there are many thoughts in the book that are right-on and thought provoking. Take for example Kate Reddy's observation that fathers that leave work early or schedule business around their family commitments are lauded as "involved fathers" when mothers doing the same are suspected of not being committed to their work or are seen as unreliable or unaccessible. Whether you are a mom working full-time outside the home or not, this and many other insights in the book highlight interesting social issues.

I would be interested to know whether this book appeals to stay-at-home moms. I suspect not based on the fact that many of my own stay-at-home friends have little interest in what my life is like and often think that a mother who works full-time outside the home is akin to a mother who eats her young.

As for mothers working full-time outside the home, this book is sure to be a winner and a welcomed comic relief. As for myself, I plan to give this book to my mother for Christmas to help her understand the dilemmas of being a professional and a mother of young children and the difficulty of "having it all".

Although I was totally engrossed in this novel, and thought that Kate was a very real and often sympathetic character, I ended up with very mixed feelings about this book. I am a mother who has temporarily given up a career I loved to stay at home with my kids. This wasn't an easy decision for me, and I would never criticize those who made a different decision (or who have no choice in the matter). I was shocked at the venomous comments about stay-at-home mothers from Kate and from other reviewers of this book. While I am sure that there are some stay-at-home mothers who take pleasure in making working mothers feel bad (they are probably the ones who are at-home because they feel like they should be, rather than because they want to be, and are miserable themselves), I believe that most of us have alot of sympathy for the sacrifices and trade-offs that working mothers are forced to make. And, frankly, most of us are too busy getting through our own days to worry about what others are doing. The descriptions of stay-at-home moms as spending all of their time at the gym, having manicures, writing notes for playdates, was just ludicrous. I have two toddlers and I feel incredibly lucky when I have the time to shower in the morning or get out for an hour by myself to go shopping. Being a stay-at-home mother isn't easy, neither is being a working mom, and I find it incredibly sad when we have to insult each other in order to feel better about our own choices.

What a terrific book! I've shamelessly stolen time and left other "must do" tasks to fend for themselves while I devoured this very smart, very funny, and piercingly accurate book.

I've read chunks of this book to my husband, to friends, and e-mailed selected tidbits to my sister. It's that good. ...Kate Reddy doesn't whine; she articulates, with wit and perception, what's so unspeakably tough about the shoes she's walking in. Even if they're fudge-colored pencil heels worn with an Armani suit as corporate armor!

As a working mom and mother of one, and another on the way, I was so looking forward to what promised to be a well-written, sardonic, biting look at the challenges of the modern-day working mom. I loved the first half, thought Kate Reddy was going to evolve into the working-mom's hero! Her writing was, in an over-the-top sort of way, dead-on to what many of us go through on a daily basis. But I kept waiting for the ending when she would march into her boss' office and demand that her job would have to be more flexible in order to accommodate her family life -- and instead we got total capitulation! I was crushed. As a securities analyst, in a pretty fast-paced and high profile job, I do believe we have to push our value to our companies and make them bend to accommodate. It's not easy, but many moms do have to work (or want to, or both!) and this book sends the same old "bad working mommy" message. I thought it would support the working mom, give us a laugh and tell us we're not alone in our challenges -- but instead what i heard in the end was the same old crap that you can't 'have it all'. That we should give up that working nonsense and get back in the kitchen where we belong! Or that if we are going to work, then work from home in a female-oriented line of work, etc. A total bummer for working women who were looking for a story and a heroine that they could relate to...

Was very disappointed with this book after reading such great reviews. Yes, it is well written- the Brits have a way with comedic writing- but my God. Throughout the book Kate Reddy struggles to balance a high powered job as a financial advisor with husband and 2 children, railing at the Sloaney stay-at-home full time mothers who deride her for her working mother status. This group is very well characterized and described- appalling types- and bright beautiful Kate suddenly at the end joins them. Quits her job, buys a home in the country with a paddock, and joins the PTA while her husband works on building a rock wall. Its as if Allison Pearson stopped writing this book several chapters from the end and it was completed by her alter ego, a stay at home wealthy mother. Extremely disappointing- and in fact, unrealistic. The majority of women in this country need to work- it is not a luxurious option to be tossed away when its time for a change. Ms. Pearson does a wonderful humorous job of describing the conflict this role provides- then provides a completely unrealistic sappy pat solution, one not available to those of us who do not have the luxury of having a husband who can provide. And why on God's earth did she become one of "them", the very group she so delightfully disparages, the minority of women who take pride in their cooking, their ability to get their children into tony prep schools, who spend all of their time arranging play dates and sending thank you notes? She leads the reader to believe this is the only solution to a happy life. Its appalling.

Save your money. This book will inevitably make you angry...

She has a bazillion dollars, a wonderful understanding husband, great lingerie, a fantasy lover and more or less everything else she wants in the world.

Terrific. I know how she does it, now can someone tell me how I do it? I only have the kids in common.

As a struggling, overeducated, extremely underpaid, single mother, this book was a total disappointment. Even comedy must have some reality to it. There are cute bits - yes, mothers are competitive - but the treacly attitude does them in. And at the end? SHE can walk away and 99% of us cannot; it's a copout. I was very disappointed with this book.

I'm a working mother who read this during the flights to and from a business trip. It is, quite possibly, the worst book I have ever read. Normally I give a book 100 pages to draw me in and it usually does, at least to some level. This is the first one I read where, 100 pages in, it still had no semblance of a real plot or any development of its main characters. However, being stuck on a 3-hour flight and having a morbid curiosity similar to what you might feel passing a car wreck, I read on.

First, Kate Reddy -- supposedly 35 at the beginning of the 21st century --is SO 80s feministe. I'm 33, and frankly, the whole guilt thing about working, having your children in day care, and not being able to bake homemade cookies for school is so passe. I love work, I love my kid, the day care I use is fabulous, and anyone who thinks I'm going to be up at 2am banging on store-bought pastries to make them look homemade is on crack. It's called LIFE, people. You make your decisions, and you live with them.

Second, Kate, despite being a big-shot fund manager, apparently has no self respect. Any 30-something who graduated from a top college today knows her self-worth, and knows that there are plenty of firms and organizations desperate to get top female talent to join their ranks (at least in America). Seriously, if my boss tried to tell me I wouldn't be getting a raise/bonus and then added EXTRA work on -- when I was in a position to not even be dependent on the job financially -- I'd have a new job lined up somewhere else in about a month. Kate seems to think this treatment is just fine. Similarly, when the men at her firm pull a Clarence Thomas-like stunt on a younger female colleague, Kate sighs and offers a "boys will be boys" excuse to the other woman and predicts that it would be the woman, not the male employees, who would suffer if she tried to report it. What planet is she on? Can someone please name me a major company that would not IMMEDIATELY fire a man (who is, incidentally, also a known cokehead) who created pornographic images of a (minority) female collegue on an office computer and circulated them to all of the other male workers? I can see this happening in some factory to powerless women who have no way out, but this scenario really seems absurd to me in a high-profile international private company.

Finally, Kate Reddy is a disaster of a parent and it's obvious why she can't stand her kids -- they are insufferable brats. Being a working mother and having to get outside help to care for your children does not give you carte blanche to abandon your parenting duties and not help them to understand things like discipline, respect, and making good choices. This goes back to the whole "guilt" thing, which seems to be an excuse for Kate to not actually put any work into being an active parent. Maybe Kate should stop worrying about what the stay-at-home mom across the street thinks of her and use that time to read Dr. Spock. Maybe she needs to take a break from her bra-burning, man-hating rants and and actually have a 21st-century marriage where men (gasp!) communicate with their wives and do housework and help with kids and are not completely incompetent. In any event, Kate Reddy is my worst nightmare for a neighbor/friend/colleague and I felt not a single ounce of sympathy for her through the entire novel.

I've spent more time than I should commenting on this book, so I won't get into the stylistic downfalls, like Pearson's attempt to copy Helen Fielding's tone which results in redundant gimmicks like the "To Do List" at the end of each chapter. Unless your only other option is to fling yourself out of a window, don't read this book (and even then it's really a toss-up).

I'm a lawyer and a mom, and while I sometimes related to Kate's frustration with time and with her kids, I found the book incredibily depressing. I was literally SAD much of the time I spent reading this supposedly "hysterical" book - and angered by the fact that the reviewers were calling it the "most honest book about modern motherhood" - this is not a true book about modern motherhood - if it were we would all slit our own wrists. I agree with the reviewer that called this a backlash against working mothers - it really seems to imply that a working mom cannot possibly be happy. Don't waste your precious time or money on this one.

There are few books that can make a reader laugh out loud, or reach for a cellphone to call the kids just to make sure they were okay. "I Don't Know How She Does It" is one such book. As a former full-time working mother, it was easy for me to relate to her feelings of guilt over time she spent with her kids, anger at not having the home in perfect working order, frustration over her deteriorating relationship with her husband, and excitement over the thrill of a budding email romance.

Some critics call the story a fairy tale-- but it could be no further than the truth for me: it was the story of my life, as well as the lives of more than a few of my friends. The book may not be for everyone, but it certainly touches a chord with those of us women who dared to dream of having it all-- a high-profile job, gorgeous husband and children. ...