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Don't Let Your Kids Kill You: A Guide for Parents of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Children Paperback – August 1, 2007

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Don't Let Your Kids Kill You: A Guide for Parents of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Children + Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents + The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the Ones You Love
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 204 pages
  • Publisher: New Century Publishers; Revised 3rd Edition edition (August 1, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0967979056
  • ISBN-13: 978-0967979052
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.7 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (150 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #26,999 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews


"Offers parents the means to attain a healthy balance in their lives despite their children's choices," -- Publishers Weekly

"A radical and compassionate self-help guide for parents whose children are addicted to drugs or alcohol." -- Good Housekeeping Magazine

"A book of great merit." -- Donna Hanover, ABC/TV, New York

About the Author

Charles Rubin has been the subject of many TV interviews on CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, and the BBC, as well as various family channels and hundreds of local TV and radio shows (152 interviews in 2009 alone). He is a Clio Award-winning writer and producer. His novels include Hard Sell and 4-F Blues: A Novel of WWII Hollywood. The concept for DON'T LET YOUR KIDS KILL YOU developed during the process of surviving his two children's substance addictions. Rubin lectures regularly and hold workshops for parents, teachers, social workers and chemical abuse rehab personnel. Additionally, he is the president of the Inner Light Foundation in Petaluma, Ca, founded by his late wife, author Betty Bethards (The Dream Book-Symbols for Self Understanding which is the best selling book on dream analysis in the world). Rubin's latest book I'll Get Right Back to You and Other Annoyances published in October, 2010.

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Customer Reviews

This book helped us regain our lives.
Kindle Customer
I dont feel guilty anymore - I now know how to help my Daughter - I now know how to let go..... This is one amazing book.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with addicted children.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

80 of 81 people found the following review helpful By Kindle Customer on October 6, 2008
Format: Paperback
My husband and I have been dealing with two teen aged sons (now 21 and 17) who are both drug addicts.

Over the course of five years our sons have become progressively more addicted (primarily to marijuana...all day, every day) and abusive to me and my husband. It started with never doing homework, then skipping school...dropping out...a few visits to the emergency room...minor skuffles with the law and, for the older son, a 3 month jail sentence.

We are typical hard working, present and anxious parents and it took us a few years (and this book) to accept that our sons had lost their concern for our feelings and well being. The abuse began with them stealing from us..then, while we were at work, they would gather with their drug addicted friends all day in our home and generally destroy our house and our peace of mind...they lied without compunction and successfully manipulated us into doing what they wanted.

We responded with counselling, lectures, assistance, enrolling them in differenct schools, finding them jobs, chauffering them all over town and generally waiting for them to change...come to their senses.

They did not change and we were wrong. We had become prisoners in our own home and we didn't know how to escape.

This book helped us regain our lives. Upon reading this book we discovered that other parents had gone through the EXACT same misery we were suffering. We learned from this book that we had to get rid of our expectations...and to deal with the reality. Our boys were addicts. No amount of encouragement, love, lecturing or pleading was going to change that...and we had to stop the abuse.
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35 of 36 people found the following review helpful By sigridwebb on August 16, 2010
Format: Kindle Edition
After six years of tears, over six figures of money attempting to help my son, years taken off my own life, watching my entire family be torn apart...this book has already given ME hope. I am learning I am not crazy, not a bad mother, not a horrible person. I AM learning that I have done all I can possibly do to help my son - and I am now getting help to save my own life. Before beginning this book I was literally believing that I was at the root of all of what had gone wrong with my son (now 25). I was getting to the point where I was becoming unhealthy, not only emotionally, but psychically. The kicker: I have a masters degree in Counseling. I needed help, but living in a remote area, I had no groups to attend, and trying to keep my personal issues out of the academic setting where I work - help for me is limited. This book is, literally, giving me hope to keep living. I look forward to each day after work to get my Kindle and keep reading. I have setbacks - but I take comfort that I can pick up the book and learn more about how I have made some good decisions (although hard ones) -and that I don't have to be destroyed by those decisions.
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31 of 32 people found the following review helpful By Wendelin W. Dunado on February 4, 2009
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This author confirmed the worthiness of my actions as the parent of an young adult addict daughter. It helped me feel more confident in decisions that were tough to follow through on as they go against all we are instinctively prone to do and say as a loving parent. It also dispelled the notion implied by a twelve step group that I needed to do my own twelve step program to help my child. It also addressed that old notion that there are stages to grief and one will get through it, and find a way to be happy again. In truth the pain never goes away, we just find ways to lessen it and distract ourselves from it. Our lives will never be without extreme sadness, no matter how well we hide it and/or adjust to it. How I wish it were otherwise.
We need more books by healthy, non-addict parents to guide us through this horrendous journey, which in truth is a "living death" of our loved one. Sometimes I think that if my child had reached a bottom and that was death, at least I could find some peace, even if I lived with sadness. As it is there is no real peace and lots of sadness each day, each moment, each second.... Very good resource for me that helped me accept the necessity and wisdom of my actions and reactions to my addict daughter, no matter how gut wrenching and contradictory they seem to me as her parent, to carry out.
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35 of 37 people found the following review helpful By S. Joseph on June 9, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
If you have a child who is an addict and it is breaking your heart, you must read this book! I have read it three times so far and it has always helped me to feel better and most importantly, it helps me to realize that my child's addiction is not my fault. I did not make him an addict and I can't do anything to make him get well-only he can do that.
I also realize now that it might never happen. He might die an addict or from the consquences of his choices, but I will no longer allow my son's addiction to kill me as well.
This book describes vividly the nightmare a parent faces when one of their beloved children becomes addicted to drugs/alcohol and the horrible effects it has on the family, your marriage, your health, etc. It can open your eyes to the danger that you, the parent, face from the stress of living with and/or dealing with a child who has turned into a lying, selfish, manipulative addict (monster).
My son has had a serious drug problem for seven long years. We have put him in seven different rehabs, counseling, you name it, but nothing has worked. Now he and he alone must face the consquences of his decisions. His drug problem is now his and his alone.
This book helped me to see the truth. Although I will always love my child, I refuse to suffer from his choices. I'm taking back my life. I have to and so do you.
Hurting parent, read this book.
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