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Don't Let Your Kids Kill You: A Guide for Parents of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Children Paperback – August 1, 2007

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Frequently Bought Together

Don't Let Your Kids Kill You: A Guide for Parents of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Children + Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents + The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the Ones You Love
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 204 pages
  • Publisher: New Century Publishers; Revised 3rd Edition edition (August 1, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0967979056
  • ISBN-13: 978-0967979052
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.7 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (175 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #24,395 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews


"Offers parents the means to attain a healthy balance in their lives despite their children's choices," -- Publishers Weekly

"A radical and compassionate self-help guide for parents whose children are addicted to drugs or alcohol." -- Good Housekeeping Magazine

"A book of great merit." -- Donna Hanover, ABC/TV, New York

About the Author

Charles Rubin has been the subject of many TV interviews on CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, and the BBC, as well as various family channels and hundreds of local TV and radio shows (152 interviews in 2009 alone). He is a Clio Award-winning writer and producer. His novels include Hard Sell and 4-F Blues: A Novel of WWII Hollywood. The concept for DON'T LET YOUR KIDS KILL YOU developed during the process of surviving his two children's substance addictions. Rubin lectures regularly and hold workshops for parents, teachers, social workers and chemical abuse rehab personnel. Additionally, he is the president of the Inner Light Foundation in Petaluma, Ca, founded by his late wife, author Betty Bethards (The Dream Book-Symbols for Self Understanding which is the best selling book on dream analysis in the world). Rubin's latest book I'll Get Right Back to You and Other Annoyances published in October, 2010.

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Customer Reviews

Easy to read, very informative.
Francine A. Kennedy
As a parent, you think you can save them, this book help me to understand I could not and it gave me the info I needed to "Let Go and Let God".
I would highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with addicted children.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

91 of 93 people found the following review helpful By Kindle Customer on October 6, 2008
Format: Paperback
My husband and I have been dealing with two teen aged sons (now 21 and 17) who are both drug addicts.

Over the course of five years our sons have become progressively more addicted (primarily to marijuana...all day, every day) and abusive to me and my husband. It started with never doing homework, then skipping school...dropping out...a few visits to the emergency room...minor skuffles with the law and, for the older son, a 3 month jail sentence.

We are typical hard working, present and anxious parents and it took us a few years (and this book) to accept that our sons had lost their concern for our feelings and well being. The abuse began with them stealing from us..then, while we were at work, they would gather with their drug addicted friends all day in our home and generally destroy our house and our peace of mind...they lied without compunction and successfully manipulated us into doing what they wanted.

We responded with counselling, lectures, assistance, enrolling them in differenct schools, finding them jobs, chauffering them all over town and generally waiting for them to change...come to their senses.

They did not change and we were wrong. We had become prisoners in our own home and we didn't know how to escape.

This book helped us regain our lives. Upon reading this book we discovered that other parents had gone through the EXACT same misery we were suffering. We learned from this book that we had to get rid of our expectations...and to deal with the reality. Our boys were addicts. No amount of encouragement, love, lecturing or pleading was going to change that...and we had to stop the abuse.
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42 of 44 people found the following review helpful By sigridwebb on August 16, 2010
Format: Kindle Edition
After six years of tears, over six figures of money attempting to help my son, years taken off my own life, watching my entire family be torn apart...this book has already given ME hope. I am learning I am not crazy, not a bad mother, not a horrible person. I AM learning that I have done all I can possibly do to help my son - and I am now getting help to save my own life. Before beginning this book I was literally believing that I was at the root of all of what had gone wrong with my son (now 25). I was getting to the point where I was becoming unhealthy, not only emotionally, but psychically. The kicker: I have a masters degree in Counseling. I needed help, but living in a remote area, I had no groups to attend, and trying to keep my personal issues out of the academic setting where I work - help for me is limited. This book is, literally, giving me hope to keep living. I look forward to each day after work to get my Kindle and keep reading. I have setbacks - but I take comfort that I can pick up the book and learn more about how I have made some good decisions (although hard ones) -and that I don't have to be destroyed by those decisions.
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41 of 44 people found the following review helpful By S. Joseph on June 9, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
If you have a child who is an addict and it is breaking your heart, you must read this book! I have read it three times so far and it has always helped me to feel better and most importantly, it helps me to realize that my child's addiction is not my fault. I did not make him an addict and I can't do anything to make him get well-only he can do that.
I also realize now that it might never happen. He might die an addict or from the consquences of his choices, but I will no longer allow my son's addiction to kill me as well.
This book describes vividly the nightmare a parent faces when one of their beloved children becomes addicted to drugs/alcohol and the horrible effects it has on the family, your marriage, your health, etc. It can open your eyes to the danger that you, the parent, face from the stress of living with and/or dealing with a child who has turned into a lying, selfish, manipulative addict (monster).
My son has had a serious drug problem for seven long years. We have put him in seven different rehabs, counseling, you name it, but nothing has worked. Now he and he alone must face the consquences of his decisions. His drug problem is now his and his alone.
This book helped me to see the truth. Although I will always love my child, I refuse to suffer from his choices. I'm taking back my life. I have to and so do you.
Hurting parent, read this book.
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful By Karamella on February 19, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
While there are points Mr. Rubin makes that I agree with, his main message is "dump them before they kill you". There's not a lot of "win/win" strategies here. Very little hope passed out too. He believes that some children are simply "un-redeemable". That relapses mean "failure". And that failure is nearly always the "fault" of the individual with the disease. He believes that the best people to treat your children are former addicts who can spot "manipulation" and have all the answers because they were able to "beat" addiction. (Instead of medical providers who specialize in the practice of addiction medicine.)

It would seem that he believes that addiction is a behavioral problem, a moral problem, a character defect, or a "willful disregard" for the law and good health practices, not a brain disease that alters the chemical make up of the brain resulting in impaired judgement and substance seeking behaviors that often become crimes when the individual with the disease is no longer able to make the money they need to feed their addiction.

If you are tired of trying to understand your addicted child and want justification for giving up on them, this is your book. He uses disparaging terms when referring to individuals with the disease of addiction, (druggies, junkies, drunks, etc.) which really makes me question whether or not he even understands at a basic level, the disease of addiction.

I wholeheartedly agree with his final suggestions to parents, that we speak up and speak out about how the disease of addiction has devastated the lives of our children and our families.
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