Customer Reviews

Don't Let Your Kids Kill You: A Guide for Parents of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Children

5 star:		(48)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

After reading every self-help and psychology book known to man,desperately searching for answers, trying to find some new *miracle* that might help me *cure* my addicted daughters, I picked up this book. I made it through the first two chapters and had to stop and allow the tears to flow freely. Finally, someone understood what I had been feeling for ten years in dealing with the anguish, the shame, the denial, and the fear. The author is not a doctor, he is not a counselor, he is just a parent who has endured the most heart-breaking ordeal a parent can go through. ... This book offers no mirale to cure your addicted children, but it can help you to begin to help yourself. Thank you, Mr. Rubin, for sharing your story with the rest of us who are in pain and want our lives back.

Let me start by saying I do not like self help books. This book is the one book I have recommended highly through my ordeal with a drug dependent child. This is a man who has been there and learned the hard way (as most of us do) how to take care of himself and the rest of his family while still loving your child. He reminds us that when a child is high on drugs, you are not having a conversation with your child, you are having a conversation with the drug. Please read this book and highlight the passages you need when your child is conning you and making you feel guilty.

"Don't Let Your Kids Kill You" is not written by a psychologist or a therapist. It is written by an ordinary parent who watched in horror as his two children were swept away by the insidious and powerful tide of drug abuse.

As any parent knows who has an alcholic or drug addicted teenager, the overwhelming feeling of helplessness can drive you to despair. This book clearly defines both your parental responsibility and your limits. It teaches you to "let go and let God"--one of the basic tenets of such support groups as Al-anon and Tough Love.

If you are frightened and confused by the self-destructive behavior of one of your children, if you do not know where to turn for help, read this book.

It just may be the first step back to a sane life in which you reassert your right to a happy and fulfilling existence even if your child continues to pursue the road to hell.

Finally a book that recognizes that not all children that become drug addicted came from abusive and bad families. This book addresses the parents that have loved and adored their children from birth. In fact, it addresses the parents that thought they did it all right. Loving, supportive environments were provided. And when the trouble begins (school calling, police involved) the parent who is bailing their kid out of trouble, but can never seem to fix them. Things only get worse. This book tells you why you can NEVER fix your kids. Thank you for this book. My heart is broken, my pocketbook is broken, but I can finally stop. I finally understand what I CAN do and should do. Thanks.

My husband and I have been dealing with two teen aged sons (now 21 and 17) who are both drug addicts.

Over the course of five years our sons have become progressively more addicted (primarily to marijuana...all day, every day) and abusive to me and my husband. It started with never doing homework, then skipping school...dropping out...a few visits to the emergency room...minor skuffles with the law and, for the older son, a 3 month jail sentence.

We are typical hard working, present and anxious parents and it took us a few years (and this book) to accept that our sons had lost their concern for our feelings and well being. The abuse began with them stealing from us..then, while we were at work, they would gather with their drug addicted friends all day in our home and generally destroy our house and our peace of mind...they lied without compunction and successfully manipulated us into doing what they wanted.

We responded with counselling, lectures, assistance, enrolling them in differenct schools, finding them jobs, chauffering them all over town and generally waiting for them to change...come to their senses.

They did not change and we were wrong. We had become prisoners in our own home and we didn't know how to escape.

This book helped us regain our lives. Upon reading this book we discovered that other parents had gone through the EXACT same misery we were suffering. We learned from this book that we had to get rid of our expectations...and to deal with the reality. Our boys were addicts. No amount of encouragement, love, lecturing or pleading was going to change that...and we had to stop the abuse.

Gleaning from the book a few methods by which to assert our rights (I wish there were more), we slowly began the process of trying to regain some control over our home.

For example, we recently installed an alarm system in our house and our 17 year old now must leave with us in the morning and stay out of the house until we return in the evening. I read this as I write, and it sounds extreme; but for the first time in years I am not afraid of what I will find when I get home from work. Broken furniture, drug paraphernalia, stolen jewelry, general destruction.

We can breathe. And, our son has realized there are limits.

I highly recommend this book for any parent dealing with a teen aged child who has become abusive because of drug use. It will not cure the addiction, but it can help one recognize abuse...even from a beloved child...and the necessity to stop the abuse.

I do wish there was a sequel, though, to show me the happy ending....

This book was very helpful in dealing with an adolescent who is addicted to drugs and alcohol. It makes you realize that you are not alone, and the choices you must make are hard, but they are needed.

Prior to reading this book I was already following some of the advice, but I was getting negative feedback from some members of my family. This book helped me realize that I was doing the right thing, and unless you are a parent in this situation, you can't understand what it really is like. There is excellent advice, and support in this book.

I would highly recommend it for anyone who is suffering from an addicted child, or even someone who is suspecting addiction. You will definately not feel alone in your situation.

More people should know about this book--parents, teachers and recovery centers. It's a one of a kiknd, common-sense book that many people will prefer to avoid so as not to have to face the truth: that too many of our young peolple are dependent on substances and too many parents are untrained in the face of our unbridled drug culture. The book is also a gem in terms of dealing with just about anyone, not just kids, on substances. Siblings, parents, lovers, bosses. I can't praise this book enough.

This author confirmed the worthiness of my actions as the parent of an young adult addict daughter. It helped me feel more confident in decisions that were tough to follow through on as they go against all we are instinctively prone to do and say as a loving parent. It also dispelled the notion implied by a twelve step group that I needed to do my own twelve step program to help my child. It also addressed that old notion that there are stages to grief and one will get through it, and find a way to be happy again. In truth the pain never goes away, we just find ways to lessen it and distract ourselves from it. Our lives will never be without extreme sadness, no matter how well we hide it and/or adjust to it. How I wish it were otherwise.
We need more books by healthy, non-addict parents to guide us through this horrendous journey, which in truth is a "living death" of our loved one. Sometimes I think that if my child had reached a bottom and that was death, at least I could find some peace, even if I lived with sadness. As it is there is no real peace and lots of sadness each day, each moment, each second.... Very good resource for me that helped me accept the necessity and wisdom of my actions and reactions to my addict daughter, no matter how gut wrenching and contradictory they seem to me as her parent, to carry out.

I bought this book as a last resort---it turned out to be better than any therapy I've received so far. I believe it can help all parents of kids who are out of control for any reason, including of course drugs and alcohol. Mr. Rubin writes very candidly from his own experience and puts all my thoughts into words. It was very helpful in also putting feelings into words for me and empowering me to do the right thing--take back my life!! Thank you Mr. Rubin!

This is a great book for parents who are struggling with drug-addicted children. It has helped me immensly through this very difficult problem. I have already referred this book to several people that could benefit greatly from it. It is a MUST read for families devestated by drug addiction. Thank you.