Customer Reviews

I Don't Love You Anymore: What to do when he says,

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

The title of this book is what grabbed my attention - the five words nobody wants to hear. Inside, Dr Clarke gives hard hitting advice for dealing with an adulterous spouse, based on the tough love approach probably first advocated by Dr James Dobson. I found Dr Clarke's book more direct in its advice than Dobson's however. Clarke makes the victim realize that they have nothing to feel bad about, which if all that's one is to get out of the book, isn't a bad thing. Clarke hammers home again and again that nothing one spouse does to the other justifies the adulterer from the sinful action of adultery. Preach it, Dr Clarke.

I suspect the people that take Dr Clarke's advice are not very likely to win their spouses back - but then they aren't likely no matter what strategy they follow. So why not? Take Dr Clarke's advice and start picking up the pieces and feel better about yourself. Don't let your adultering spouse attempt to transfer their guilt onto you. Take charge! They flipped your world over, so flip it back!

I read this book when my husband had already moved out and is living with another women. For me, this book was too late but if you are in a place where your life partner is about to leave or has just left....this book is great. I am a Therapist and I highly recomend this book.

I purchased this book because my best friend's husband told her that he wanted to break up (they had been married less than 1 year) and that he had had an affair. Probably because I've never been through the pain of having someone cheat on me, and because of our society's acceptance of just getting a divorce if things don't work out, I wasn't even very shocked by his behavior. My initial reaction to his adultery was for her to be the one to try to win him back. After reading this book (which I sent to her) it made me very angry at what he had done. This book provides the biblical approach to dealing with something as devastating as a cheating spouse.

This book definitely has an interesting biblical approach. It is mainly for a woman whose husband has had or is in an affair. It gives guidance as to how to handle the situation in a very aggressive way, and I use the word aggressive knowing full well the difference between aggressive and assertive. It is very different from the normal Christian methods of love and forgiveness. A main point is for the woman to get good and mad, and then go through the process described in Mathew 18. Of course, the book says it uses a cheating man on the innocent woman but the roles could easily be reversed but I believe this is not true at all. The author uses specific examples of how the man has failed his biblical responsibilities and offers no reciprocating information for the man whose wife is cheating. There is a small section in the later part of the book for couples who are not dealing with an affair but it follows he same process of anger and Mathew 18.

All in all, this would be a very good book for women who are very passive and unable to stand up for themselves. If you find yourself getting walked on over and over by an adulterous spouse, this book is for you. Otherwise, I think there are a lot better books for saving your relationship.

This book is excellent and must reading for every spouse who has heard the words, "I don't love you anymore." As I read the book, I didn't want to believe the author about what was really going on in my marriage, that my husband was emotionally detached from me and that drastic action would need to be taken if the marriage had a chance of being saved. This is about tough love, not changing for them so that you are "acceptable" to them. I did that (tried to be the wife he wanted me to be) but it didn't work anyway. They were just excuses he gave me of why he was so unhappy.

You will not regret reading this book and implementing what Dr. Clarke says to do. If you have heard the above words, please get this book as soon as you can and follow it. There is a chance your marriage may be saved. I know how painful this time is--I was married for 20 years to my husband when this happened and could not imagine life without him--but take it from me that this is necessary.

A little over a year ago, a friend of mine's husband came home from an extended business trip and announced he was leaving his wife and daughter for a woman he had met overseas. She purchased this book as well as a copy for me, as her "accountability partner". Because of the sound, scriptural advice we found in this book and her commitment to prayer and her faith in God, her marriage has been restored. I highly recommend this book for anyone who is looking for a Biblical approach to healing their marriage.

If you are even considering buying this book then you must be at a very dark and confusing time in your life. At least I was when I bought it. Reading this book really put things into perspective and reassured me there was hope no matter what the outcome would be. It's a very matter of fact approach but that is what's necessary when you are going through hard times. Let's just say I was in the finale stage of the book's suggestions and had given up all hope when things turned around for me. I am a firm believer in keeping family together...if it's worth holding on to. Stay strong, and don't lose sight of your needs.

I read this book when I was in panic mode. I took all of his advice, and now today I am sorry. Getting angry only made me more bitter and resentful toward my spouse. Telling all my friends and family, and his friends and family burned so many bridges that are going to take more time to rebuild. I am sorry I followed Dr. Clarke's advice. Any counselor that claims to have all the answers and do not teach to go to God for the answers first, is misleading. There is another way to heal your marriage. Check out the ministries online, called Covenant Keepers and Rejoice Marriage Ministries. We are called to follow Christ, not manipulate our spouses into programs.
"Love covers over a multitude of sins."

I threw my husband out of the house when I found out he was having an affair with a woman at work. I was devastated, but he would not stop seeing this woman and was staying away from home for days at a time without any contact at all with me or our two small children. I told him he had to stop the affair or the marriage was over. He lied and said he did, but I found out shortly after I reconciled with him that he was still seeing her. After he left the second time, I struggled mightily with my decision and wavered between staying strong and falling apart whenever he'd call me. In short, whenever I became passive and sweet and forgiving, thinking he was having a change of heart, he'd invariably stomp all over me. He froze our bank accounts, came into the house without my knowledge and destroyed things, and ran up debts of almost $75,000. Once I got a lawyer, got tough, and said, "No more," and followed through with it, he backed off and began to treat me with more respect. I did end up divorcing him, but even with our struggles, the children and I are much happier now. Their father has ignored them for almost five years, but periodically he will call me up in the middle of the night, crying and leaving messages on the voice mail, begging to be forgiven. Ladies, do NOT make the mistakes I did. If he's determined to destroy your marriage, PLEASE do what you have to do to protect yourself and your kids. He won't do anything to help you, I guarantee it. If he suspects at all that because you still love him and are grieving the loss of your family, you'll do anything for him (like I did), you're finished. Please read this book, and as much as it hurts, face reality. Maybe he'll change, and maybe he won't, but enabling him and allowing him to repeatedly hurt and humiliate you will NOT bring him back.

I was so glad someone else believed it was NOT my fault!!! The author is blunt and is no holds barred. Be brave. He means business, and encourages the victim of adultery to mean business too. No more tiptoeing around the subject, living in fear, wondering if I am good enough and trying to be a better wife. This book turned things around for me AND my husband. It spoke the truth and the enormity of what he had done to his wife and family as he read each page. (When it was his turn to read it..that is) And it gave me permission to be angry and to fire questions at my husband, and "pump the well" as the book says. An affair is traumatic. When dealing with Trauma, you must re-live it and be allowed to express your emotions concerning each moment. I just shared this book with a friend of mine today, skimmed through some pages with her...and she is going to go buy it too! This book is definately different from the rest. Now I can hold my head up higher!
Regarding some of the 1 star reviews: Unfortunately, I have somehow managed to live through this before. I tried, but never fully forgave -and at times, like a pressure cooker, would "blow off steam" about his affair from 4 years earlier. Last time, I took some of the blame, after all marriage is 50/50, right? The problem is an AFFAIR is not 50/50! And, an affair causes trauma. Time stands still until the victim is recovered from the trauma, THEN the marriage can be dealt with and the problems can be adressed 50/50. If you are in an accident and experience broken bones, you do not start Physical Therapy until your bones heal!! It just makes sense. You see, 4 years ago, I chose to handle it in a way this book said was common for the well meaning pastors/church to counsel to get through an affair. Dr. Clarke said it wouldn't work...Guess what? Clarke was right! (Wish I read this book back then!) We had a decaying marriage- and some of that was due to his unconfessed sin, and because of all the junk inside of me that was all bottled up. Not anymore! I feel respected, and so much more in control of the situation. So, I HIGHLY recommend this book. I've tried it BOTH ways. And this way shines the light in the darkness. We are not whole yet, but on the recovery road like NEVER before.