Don't Be Nice, Be Real! is a lively, light approach to a deadly serious subject-our lives. It combines humor, radical wisdom, and new culture spirituality to teach the mechanics and spirit of Nonviolent Compassionate Communication to cure "Niceitis," a hereditary disease. The author has shown that nonviolent communication works wonders, in even the roughest of situations. He's used it with street gangs in San Diego, combined groups of Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland, Palestinians and Israelis in the Middle East, and among the Croats, Serbs, and Muslims of the Balkans during the Bosnian war. PTA meetings, business conflicts and marital custody battles call all be utterly transformed by these techniques.This book takes us from behind the wall of culturally conditioned niceness, providing us with the tools we need for self-responsible, non-judgmental, clear and conscious honesty.
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About the Author
Kelly Bryson, MA, MFT is the author of the best selling book, ÒDonÕt Be Nice, Be Real Ð Balancing Passion for Self with Compassion for OthersÓ. He is a licensed therapist in private practice, lecturer, workshop facilitator, and consultant. He has been an authorized trainer for the International Center for Nonviolent Communication for over 20 years, and has trained thousands in the US, Europe, and the Middle East. Kelly is also a humorist, guitarist, singer, and songwriter.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
23 of 23 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I found this to be an interesting book about NVC and how one can honor his or her own personal needs. It covers a lot of the ground already present in the NVC literature, but it has more of a focus on not being co-dependent.
The author is passionate and it a bit to much in my opinion. In places, it seems like he is sermonizing rather than inviting or persuading the reader into trying on new ways of communicating.
For me, this book was a mixed bag. It has many very good ideas and even pearls of wisdom. However, it wasn't as well-organized as I would like and there seemed to be a lot of unnecessary or unhelpful examples. In tone, it seemed to be somewhat like a sales pitch rather than what I would expect from this type of self-help book.
If you have read a lot of the NVC literature, you may find Getting Real: Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life to be an even better read. However, "Don't Be Nice, Be Real" does have some valued-added material that makes it worth taking a look at. If you are a pleaser or helper, you may find it quite refreshing in it's direct and straightforward style for dealing with these types of situations or circumstances.
The author is passionate and it a bit to much in my opinion. In places, it seems like he is sermonizing rather than inviting or persuading the reader into trying on new ways of communicating.
For me, this book was a mixed bag. It has many very good ideas and even pearls of wisdom. However, it wasn't as well-organized as I would like and there seemed to be a lot of unnecessary or unhelpful examples. In tone, it seemed to be somewhat like a sales pitch rather than what I would expect from this type of self-help book.
If you have read a lot of the NVC literature, you may find Getting Real: Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life to be an even better read. However, "Don't Be Nice, Be Real" does have some valued-added material that makes it worth taking a look at. If you are a pleaser or helper, you may find it quite refreshing in it's direct and straightforward style for dealing with these types of situations or circumstances.
29 of 31 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
*****
This book is a practical handbook for applying Nonviolent Communication methods. However, it covers far more than this, and in an entertaining way, rife with good examples. Enlightened selfishness (resulting in actually being more loving to others instead of less loving to them), spirituality, meaningful relationships, blaming, fair fighting, empathy, motivation, compassion, mindfulness, therapy, our American culture, sexuality, violence, war, negotiation, and more are covered.
To testify to the excellence of this book, there are endorsements from John Gray, Mitch Albom, Alan Cohen, and many other authors and others. The forward was written by Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication. It is an atypical book that not everyone will appreciate, because it is unorthodox and non-traditional. It is one of my favorite books ever because of the originality of the ideas presented, the freshness of the examples, and its re-readability.
If you are not familiar with Nonviolent Communication, you will still get a great deal out of this book (and probably want to learn more!). If you are interested in peace and justice, you will enjoy it. If you are interested in dramatically bettering your relationships, you will enjoy it. If you are interested in developing a more compassionate spirituality, you will enjoy it. If you are a student of A Course in Miracles, you will really, really enjoy it.
One of my favorite parts of the book is a chapter about a "new religion" called "Non-Rushin' Unorthodoxy"---a testimony to not rushing, being present, enjoying our time. I really enjoyed the author's humorous and passionate styel.
The style of the book is narrative, and it's only real flaw is that it covers such a wide array of topics that it's hard to find things, to refer back to things since there is no index. I overcame this by book marking, highlighting, underlining---the subject matter is worth it.
If you are interested in any of the above topics, I would highly recommend this book. If you see yourself as mainstream, conventional, not really interested in challenging any of your beliefs, and definitely not interested in the topics the book is about, you'd probably be better off passing on it.
*****
This book is a practical handbook for applying Nonviolent Communication methods. However, it covers far more than this, and in an entertaining way, rife with good examples. Enlightened selfishness (resulting in actually being more loving to others instead of less loving to them), spirituality, meaningful relationships, blaming, fair fighting, empathy, motivation, compassion, mindfulness, therapy, our American culture, sexuality, violence, war, negotiation, and more are covered.
To testify to the excellence of this book, there are endorsements from John Gray, Mitch Albom, Alan Cohen, and many other authors and others. The forward was written by Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication. It is an atypical book that not everyone will appreciate, because it is unorthodox and non-traditional. It is one of my favorite books ever because of the originality of the ideas presented, the freshness of the examples, and its re-readability.
If you are not familiar with Nonviolent Communication, you will still get a great deal out of this book (and probably want to learn more!). If you are interested in peace and justice, you will enjoy it. If you are interested in dramatically bettering your relationships, you will enjoy it. If you are interested in developing a more compassionate spirituality, you will enjoy it. If you are a student of A Course in Miracles, you will really, really enjoy it.
One of my favorite parts of the book is a chapter about a "new religion" called "Non-Rushin' Unorthodoxy"---a testimony to not rushing, being present, enjoying our time. I really enjoyed the author's humorous and passionate styel.
The style of the book is narrative, and it's only real flaw is that it covers such a wide array of topics that it's hard to find things, to refer back to things since there is no index. I overcame this by book marking, highlighting, underlining---the subject matter is worth it.
If you are interested in any of the above topics, I would highly recommend this book. If you see yourself as mainstream, conventional, not really interested in challenging any of your beliefs, and definitely not interested in the topics the book is about, you'd probably be better off passing on it.
*****
35 of 41 people found the following review helpful
By D. Thomas
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I think Don't Be Nice, Be Real has some excellent ideas to help one overcome being too nice, but I had to dig through Kelly's assmuptions to get to the good stuff.
The author seems to be almost making a new religion, telling one how to behave, what to think, what to say.
For those that enjoy this, that is fine, but I personally only wanted some suggestions on how to be a more balanced person instead of a nice person.
I didn't want someone telling me what to think, what to say, how to define love, etc.. I can do those things for myself thank you very much.
I think this book in a way like many self-help books, tries to replace religion. If you are pro-religious, you probably won't like this. If you are anti-religious you also probably won't like this and the concepts in this book can be likened to trading in one dictator for another dictator.
Kelly can be the new pope of your church if you want a new religion.
I will probably get hammered for this review, but I am being real not nice.
The author seems to be almost making a new religion, telling one how to behave, what to think, what to say.
For those that enjoy this, that is fine, but I personally only wanted some suggestions on how to be a more balanced person instead of a nice person.
I didn't want someone telling me what to think, what to say, how to define love, etc.. I can do those things for myself thank you very much.
I think this book in a way like many self-help books, tries to replace religion. If you are pro-religious, you probably won't like this. If you are anti-religious you also probably won't like this and the concepts in this book can be likened to trading in one dictator for another dictator.
Kelly can be the new pope of your church if you want a new religion.
I will probably get hammered for this review, but I am being real not nice.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
If you're considerate but others take advantage -- or uneasy about...
I run a support group on communication skills that includes what some people who show up there misunderstand as suggesting that to communicate effectively or to be compassionate... Read more
Published 4 months ago by Alex Censor
2.0 out of 5 stars
Not impressed
I read through the first 2/3 of the book and decided that was enough for me. I've read some powerful self-help material but this is not it. Read more
Published 5 months ago by MJ
3.0 out of 5 stars
I'd give it a 3.5
Overall, this book is good. I did skip some chapters. Occasionally, the author does oversimplify things to make them more black & white than they are in real life (especially... Read more
Published 13 months ago by S. Parker
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent book to understand how simply improve your communication...
Excellent book to understand how simply improve your communication skills. I suggest to read this book in order to gain awareness about communication pitfalls and simple way to... Read more
Published 18 months ago by Equanimity Executive, LLC
1.0 out of 5 stars
Being Real
Pennebaker in his studies determined that the number of times the first person is used in writing the more narcissistic they are. This book qualifies as that. Read more
Published 19 months ago by Dr. Jan B. Newman
3.0 out of 5 stars
ugh...where to begin?
This book has taken me forever to read. I feel like I have been in one of those diamond mines in Africa 2 miles below the earth and it is dark and hard to breathe and 120 degrees. Read more
Published on May 16, 2011 by Dadateyont
1.0 out of 5 stars
Not sure where the "compassion" part comes in
My ex-husband used Mr. Bryson's philosophies as a bludgeon to try to convince me that after 14 years of marriage and two children, I should allow him to sleep with other women but... Read more
Published on November 17, 2010 by linden
5.0 out of 5 stars
Full of Real and Practical Wisdom
This book is full of practical wisdom. Not only does it explore in great but understandable depth the theory of nonviolent communication but Kelly's practical work around the world... Read more
Published on September 5, 2010 by Gerard Doyle
5.0 out of 5 stars
a wonderful, deeply helpful book
There are a few precious books that really make an impact on your life. This was one of those books. Read more
Published on February 16, 2009 by down to earth
1.0 out of 5 stars
Don't waste your Real money
I don't have time to give this book a thorough review, but I just wanted to chime-in regarding my STRONG disappointment. I couldn't even finish it. Read more
Published on May 1, 2008 by Raging Tea
Citations (learn more)
This book cites 23
books:
See all 23 books this book cites
- The Myth of Male Power by Warren Farrell in Front Matter
- The Organization Man by William H. Whyte on page 245
- Out of Weakness: Healing the Wounds That Drive Us to War (Bantam New Age Books) by Andrew Schmookler on page 261
- Northern Ireland by Paul Bew in Back Matter
- The Truth Will Set You Free by Alice Miller on page 241
See all 23 books this book cites
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