Customer Reviews

Don't Be Nice, Be Real: Balancing Passion for Self with Compassion for Others

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

As soon as I finished reading the book, I wanted to reread it right away, which I did. It fits in my top 10, side by side with other books on the same subject: Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg and Stop Being Nice, Be True by Thomas d'Ansembourg (in french: Cessez d'etre gentil, Soyez vrai!). At first, when I saw the title of Bryson's book I was afraid it could be a kind of plagiarism of d'Ansembourg's book, since the titles are so much alike. But my concerns were soon dissipated after reading a few pages. This third book is purely a distinctive essay and an astonishing marvel like the other two. It makes its way using a totally different prose, delivering a mean to grasp NVC from a totally different perspective. Bryson puts it down in a colorful language and a wealth of provocative ideas and imaginative ways of thinking. Bryson also departs from the other two because he wants and likes to play with words and language. Thus his book is also an artwork. I had a hard time at first since I am not accustomed to this kind of writing, but it was such a blessing when I finally got to it. Bryson also likes to say what he thinks, which makes it a lively book, and which enables him to talk about what goes on in his head and heart. This also is a departure from established conventions, and I believe it is a deep source of insight into our own way of beeing. It is also congruent with what he teaches: to be real, open and vulnerable, taking the risk to disclose our self.

Alas the book has many typos. I like to imagine that Bryson made it intentionaly to refrain from beeing perfect. Also, the last two chapters talk about how today's society is bad compared to ancient ones. But I just don't agree with that. Then he stabs men for being violent and promotes women's values. Well this could be an issue in USA, but not quite here in Eastern Canada. Sure men a more prone to be agressive than women almost everywhere in the world, but after all what counts is how this agressivity gets expressed. Men are men and women, women. Then he talks a lot about religion's power. Again an issue in USA but not here. So I wasn't much impressed by these last two chapters. But anyway, this book is still a goldmine to me, the last two chapters simply being veins of lead instead of gold. Of course this applies to me here and now and may not apply to you there and then.

It is certainly an absolute must for whoever is interested in the subject. Enjoy!

*****
This book is a practical handbook for applying Nonviolent Communication methods. However, it covers far more than this, and in an entertaining way, rife with good examples. Enlightened selfishness (resulting in actually being more loving to others instead of less loving to them), spirituality, meaningful relationships, blaming, fair fighting, empathy, motivation, compassion, mindfulness, therapy, our American culture, sexuality, violence, war, negotiation, and more are covered.

To testify to the excellence of this book, there are endorsements from John Gray, Mitch Albom, Alan Cohen, and many other authors and others. The forward was written by Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication. It is an atypical book that not everyone will appreciate, because it is unorthodox and non-traditional. It is one of my favorite books ever because of the originality of the ideas presented, the freshness of the examples, and its re-readability.

If you are not familiar with Nonviolent Communication, you will still get a great deal out of this book (and probably want to learn more!). If you are interested in peace and justice, you will enjoy it. If you are interested in dramatically bettering your relationships, you will enjoy it. If you are interested in developing a more compassionate spirituality, you will enjoy it. If you are a student of A Course in Miracles, you will really, really enjoy it.

One of my favorite parts of the book is a chapter about a "new religion" called "Non-Rushin' Unorthodoxy"---a testimony to not rushing, being present, enjoying our time. I really enjoyed the author's humorous and passionate styel.

The style of the book is narrative, and it's only real flaw is that it covers such a wide array of topics that it's hard to find things, to refer back to things since there is no index. I overcame this by book marking, highlighting, underlining---the subject matter is worth it.

If you are interested in any of the above topics, I would highly recommend this book. If you see yourself as mainstream, conventional, not really interested in challenging any of your beliefs, and definitely not interested in the topics the book is about, you'd probably be better off passing on it.
*****

I rarely like self help books nor am I willing to read them from cover to cover, but this book is a an exception. The book expands upon the theme proposed in the title. It is about being honest and real and really brave. The book was very stimulating and offered a new perspective on deepening communication and intimacy with others and more importantly with myself. It starts where other books on co-dependency begin. A fun and stimulating read.

I found this to be an interesting book about NVC and how one can honor his or her own personal needs. It covers a lot of the ground already present in the NVC literature, but it has more of a focus on not being co-dependent.

The author is passionate and it a bit to much in my opinion. In places, it seems like he is sermonizing rather than inviting or persuading the reader into trying on new ways of communicating.

For me, this book was a mixed bag. It has many very good ideas and even pearls of wisdom. However, it wasn't as well-organized as I would like and there seemed to be a lot of unnecessary or unhelpful examples. In tone, it seemed to be somewhat like a sales pitch rather than what I would expect from this type of self-help book.

If you have read a lot of the NVC literature, you may find Getting Real: Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life to be an even better read. However, "Don't Be Nice, Be Real" does have some valued-added material that makes it worth taking a look at. If you are a pleaser or helper, you may find it quite refreshing in it's direct and straightforward style for dealing with these types of situations or circumstances.

I think Don't Be Nice, Be Real has some excellent ideas to help one overcome being too nice, but I had to dig through Kelly's assmuptions to get to the good stuff.

The author seems to be almost making a new religion, telling one how to behave, what to think, what to say.

For those that enjoy this, that is fine, but I personally only wanted some suggestions on how to be a more balanced person instead of a nice person.

I didn't want someone telling me what to think, what to say, how to define love, etc.. I can do those things for myself thank you very much.

I think this book in a way like many self-help books, tries to replace religion. If you are pro-religious, you probably won't like this. If you are anti-religious you also probably won't like this and the concepts in this book can be likened to trading in one dictator for another dictator.

Kelly can be the new pope of your church if you want a new religion.

I will probably get hammered for this review, but I am being real not nice.

"I was tired of being one of the 'nice dead people' in the world, so the title of this book spoke to me. I was totally skeptical that it could really help. But after reading it I really was inspired to start "dancing in rhythm to the beat of my own soul, and learning how to enjoy it when people freak out about it." (A quote from the book.) It really has become my guide from depressed "doormat" through
overly "obnoxious" aggressiveness to an evolved, enlightened, more empathic assertiveness. Kelly's real life stories, hilarious humor and refreshing theories teach the mechanics of integrity and loyalty with oneself. It is convincing me of the self defeating dynamics behind self sacrifice. Plus the pratical principles and tools of Nonviolent Communication are helping me with my only relationship issue - "Self Abandonment!"

Kelly Bryson uses humor and fun "plays on words" to teach us how learning to communicate compassionately brings us more love, empathy, intimacy, and overall enjoyment of life.

This book is a fun read and also caused me to revisit past interactions, and see that by taking this new approach at communication, the end result can be both me and the other people are happy and get our needs met.

I highly recommend this book!

One might be reading a tall stack of books to get what this one has to offer. Many important ideas. Some of my favorite topics: Freedom vs closeness, unconditional loving, authentic connection, punishment/reward vs joyous intention. Golden

This book is fun and powerful, it explains why we have so many problems in trying to communicate compasionalty and what to do about it. I read each night to my beloved and try to practice as much it each day as I can..

This is a wonderful tool to improve any relationship.

The principals presented in this book have changed my way of relating to people. My loved ones have noticed, and the rewards to me of practicing this way of being have been profound. All this from a small book, that just took a few hours to read. Wow!