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Don't Shoot! I'm Just the Avon Lady! [Kindle Edition]

Birdie Jaworski
3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (66 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $12.95
Kindle Price: $4.99
You Save: $7.96 (61%)
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Book Description

For Birdie Jaworski, life as an Avon Lady was a bittersweet mix of embarking on gossip-worthy adventures, searching for Mr. Right, and making emergency lotion requests in the middle of the night... while managing as a single parent. This collection of short stories including "Mullet Madness," "Fat Ass Evidence," and "Wherein I Test a Product on an Animal" captures Jaworski's complicated relationship with the cosmetics giant (and her customers) and reveals a surprising and touching account of her personal life.

Editorial Reviews


"Her posts draw more than 1000 hits a day from readers fascinated by the woman who buys antiwrinkle cream for her pet monkey Hubert or by the wife who orders Bust-Sculpt Contouring ointment for her husband who ingests it as an alternative to Viagra." - Time Magazine

"What Birdie discovered about people - and herself - went more than skin deep." - Positive Thinking Magazine

"One reason for Ms. Jaworski's popularity: her unvarnished reviews of Avon products, which she tries before peddling to customers." - Wall Street Journal

From the Author

I still sell Avon, still have door-to-door adventures! I hope you enjoy my memoir!

Product Details

  • File Size: 896 KB
  • Print Length: 250 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 1440464863
  • Publisher: Menendez Publishing (December 6, 2007)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0011E486G
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #473,870 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars HILARIOUS!! November 30, 2008
I have not laughed this loud, while reading a book, in years! Very funny accounts of this woman's tales of trying to sell Avon products in hilarious ways.

I am a businessman, but this book was referred to me by an Avon lady who just could not stop telling me funny stories from it. I figured I would read it and see what happened...It was great! I enjoyed every minute.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is in sales, or anyone who enjoys funny books! Have fun!
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I laughed so hard! December 3, 2008
How absolutely hilarious! Who knew that selling Avon could provide for such gut-busting adventures? I generally do not read comedic-type books-- I'm more of a serious person by nature. But after reading a couple of excerpts from this book, I had to have it. The author's description of people and events is so vivid, so completely funny, that I felt like I was right there with her, such as during the chapter entitled: Below the belt belongs to Turkey!. And I loved the story of the "Bunion Lady". I won't say anymore, so as not to give anything away. There is also a touching, sensitive side to this book, wherein the author details how her past revisits her. But I can't stress how incredibly funny this book is, from beginning to end. If you love to laugh, then this is a must-read.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars You'll Laugh, You'll Cry! December 7, 2008
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
You'll laugh, you'll cry -- I guarantee you'll want to hug the author! I bought this book first in hardback and savored every single page. Am ordering a bunch more copies in paperback to give as holiday gifts to friends who are sure to enjoy this poignant mix of real-life hardship and hilarity. I have never before read an author so able to convey unquenchable optimism and zest for life on every page as Ms. Jaworski. Without a doubt this is a "stay up late to finish and then call a friend to say 'You have to read this!' book. But you'd better buy two if you plan to share because you won't want to give your own copy away!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This Is SO FUNNY January 28, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
DON'T SHOOT! I'M JUST THE AVON LADY! is HILARIOUS! A woman is trying to sell Avon products and encounters real life situations that anyone in sales can relate to. The book is so well written and funny...very memorable. I totally recommend this book to anyone who wants a good laugh. Brilliant Read. Still LMAO....
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Don't shoot - how fun. January 7, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I don't normally read author's memoirs, but I became curious about Birdie. Birdie's book "Don't Shoot! I'm Just the Avon Lady!" is a great read and put together so well that it was like reading a story rather than her memoirs. And novel it is. She takes you from present to later in time memories and then brings you back to the present. Granted, some of her memoirs were sad, but most of them cause me to chuckle out loud which is a rarity for me. Birdie's spunk and determination has led her into situations that many of us will never experience. For instance, how many of us have opened their door, only to find a pig at the doorstep with a note telling her that the pig's name was Frankie. Frankie became in indoor pet pig and I just assume he was potty trained.

One of my favorites was when she went on an Avon call with a request for lotion. To Birdie's surprise, it was to be used on a pet monkey. "... she led him across the kitchen. ... jumped into my lap. He put long arms around my neck.. and monkey drool started to roll down..."

Another was Birdie taking Avon shampoo to a new client, only to find herself shampooing a bald lady's cat.

Oh, and the Avon foam she sprayed on a rat that was about to attack her.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is very hilarious February 23, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Birdie really does take the reader along with her on her Avon adventures. Being a mother I could instantly relate to towing two small children around like she did. Her descriptions in this novel were amazing and I had no problem picturing everything. I laughed at so many things. This book is definitely laced with a great comedian and I really enjoyed reading it. Besides the humor, Birdie is very real in this book and her customers will make you laugh. This is definitely a book I've recommended to friends. There is so much realism in this story. Birdie is a single mom just doing the best she can to make ends meet, hold onto her dreams, while at the same time, grieve over her past. A unique idea and a good read.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Poignant and hilarious at the same time January 27, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
The titular vignette in this moving memoir will have you gasping from raucous laughter but make no mistake, this is also a book that will move youto tears. Birdie's adventures as an Avon lady in wacky Southern California are funny, strange, and sometimes even a little scary. The amazing cross section of humanity we are introduced to - from the naked gardener to Kevin the cute - keeps the story of Birdie's youth from becoming overwhelmingly heartrending. I highly recommend this title. There are some instances of foul language, but not many. This book is not for kids...15 at the youngest, as it deals with serious adult themes.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Enjoyable read! January 30, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I don't recall ever reading anything by Birdie prior to this book. I am a native San Diegan and was able to relate to the descriptions she gave of the area.

There were plenty of parts where I couldn't help but laugh out loud! I did find it hard to follow in some parts, when Birdie traveled back in time to explain certain events of her past, but was able to make sense the more I read.

If you are looking for a story to read and would like to be entertained, I recommend this book. It is not a romance, drama, thriller, mystery, etc - it is just a book to read, enjoy, and be thankful that I'm NOT an Avon lady!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Heartwarming story
Very poignant and heartwarming story. Her struggles as a single mom and an entrepreneur are hilarious! I loved it.!
Published 1 month ago by Amazon Customer
3.0 out of 5 stars I got bored with the story
This was an interesting story. It was an okay read. It took so long for me to get through it because after a while, I got bored with the story. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Aeryn
2.0 out of 5 stars boring book.
Not my type of book. couldn't keep my interest.
it moved to slow.
I think it needed more of something.
Published 2 months ago by Linda K. Kruse
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
enjoyable holiday reading
Published 3 months ago by JENNY TAYLOR
3.0 out of 5 stars Three Stars
A good story but not an exciting story.
Published 4 months ago by L. Shelton
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
So funny and so very true ! I loved it!
Published 6 months ago by Shanna Stevens
4.0 out of 5 stars Life in a day of an Avon lady
Birdie, a single parent and an Avon lady, is busy juggling kids and a career. She shares some of her customer experience, some of which are funny. Read more
Published 9 months ago by JEAN1949
5.0 out of 5 stars A good read for Avon and other direct selling reps
While this book isn't geared towards getting ideas, it is pretty funny to read. I enjoyed reading about her adventures and it brings some humor into the industry. Read more
Published 11 months ago by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read!!!!!
I am an Avon Lady and I have to say that I so seen myself in some of her stories. It was a fun read and inspirational.
Published 11 months ago by Trina ONeil
5.0 out of 5 stars Cute
Every day life with the craziness of it. A very real piece with great tips for Avon Representatives. Could not put it down.
Published 11 months ago by Kim E.
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More About the Author

Birdie Jaworski lives and writes in Albuquerque, New Mexico. She is the editor of Very Much Wow | The Dogecoin Magazine, a biweekly publication that covers Dogecoin news, entertainment, commentary, humor, and features interviews with Dogecoin personalities and merchants. She is the author of six published books. Several of her short stories have been nominated for a Pushcart Award.

Birdie has been profiled in the Wall Street Journal, Time Magazine, and Positive Thinking Magazine. She can sometimes be heard reading her stories about life in the high desert on National Public Radio.

Follow Birdie on Twitter: @AtomZomb


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