Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love: Simple Ways to Nurture and Strengthen Your Relationships While Avoiding the Habits That Break Down Your Loving Connection [Hardcover]

Richard Carlson (Author), Kristine Carlson (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 28, 1999

North America's number one stress-reducing guru and New York Times bestselling author of the Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series now offers simple strategies for improving love relationships. He's helped millions of readers reduce the stress in their everyday lives, with their families, and in their jobs. Now Dr. Richard Carlson shows readers how to apply his immensely popular and helpful philosophy to one of the most difficult aspects of life; the romantic relationship. While depression, heartache, anger, and insecurity are widely associated with romantic love, the concept of stress is rarely identified as a problem. Yet we all have worries about our most important relationships, and this simple and elegant book outlines strategies for overcoming those fears. In one hundred brief, beautifully written essays, Dr. Carlson shows readers how not to overreact to a loved one's criticism, how to appreciate your spouse in new ways, how to get past old angers, and many others ways to improve and increase the joy and pleasure that can and should be a part of any partnership.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

This little book packs a lot of love advice. "Whatever shape your relationship is in--from troubled to absolutely wonderful--it can be even better, with very little effort," promise husband and wife Richard and Kristine Carlson. (Richard Carlson's original Don't Sweat the Small Stuff has sold more than a million copies.) In 100 essays, you learn simple strategies that "lighten your spirits, open your heart, enhance your life, and broaden your perspective." A tall order for a tiny book! (Actually, the book is only tiny because the print is small enough to make boomers and older readers wonder if they need stronger reading glasses--who made that silly decision?)

Many of the two- to three-page essay topics are familiar tips you've probably encountered before--let go of past history, be best friends, stop keeping score, be kind, express your love, be a good listener, and remember that your partner can't read your mind, for example. But even though they aren't earth-shaking or revolutionary, having 100 of them in one book makes it easy to read chapters with your partner and share views, discussing ways to put each strategy into action. And certainly if you use even a quarter of these relationship reminders, you and your partner can't help but become closer. This is the first book Richard has written with his wife, Kristine. The essays grew out of what the Carlsons have learned about keeping a relationship vital and loving over 14 years of marriage. --Joan Price

About the Author

In addition to his bestselling series of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff books, RICHARD CARLSON, PH.D., is co-editor of Handbook for the Soul and Handbook for the Heart and the author of Don't Worry, Make Money. He is a frequent guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show and The Today Show along with other television and radio programs. He lives in Northern California with his wife and two children.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 269 pages
• Publisher: Hyperion; First Edition first Printing edition (September 28, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0786865091
• ISBN-13: 978-0786865093
• Product Dimensions: 6.8 x 5.8 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (35 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #147,516 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #15 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Personal Health > Stress > Mind-Body Connection

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

54 of 54 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars One of the best relationship books ever written, December 10, 1999

By 

Robert Middleton (Boulder Creek, CA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love: Simple Ways to Nurture and Strengthen Your Relationships While Avoiding the Habits That Break Down Your Loving Connection (Hardcover)

Richard and Kris Carlson have hit the vein of gold with this book. Each chapter is a polished gem of insight and truth. Pointing out the contrast between hurting behavior and loving behavior in such a way that you can't deny it, they give very practical, hands-on tips on how to be a better partner for life. My wife and I read a chapter aloud each day. We want it to stretch out as long as possible. It has already improved our relationship. If you have relationship troubles, order this book immediately!

32 of 32 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Everything I needed to hear but no one told me, January 11, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series) (Paperback)

By:Bree-Anna Mustad

When reading this book, "Don't sweat the small stuff in Love" by Richard Carlson and Kristine Carlson, I read a number of different stories which had really triggared a lot of emotions on the present relationship I was dealing with. I felt as though the book was dirrectly speaking to me, and I was just convincing myself it was just another one of those cheesy love advice books, when really it was two people who have been through the hardships in relationships and discided to right their experiences and thoughts down. When I started to read the first chapter, "Mostly, be pals," I put the book down for a couple moments, almost thinking in my head how it related to my situation, and then picked it up again going on to "Learning to laugh at yourself." The good thing about this book is it not only specified a certain relationship with the opposite sex, it took any kind of relationship you could have with anyone and showed you how to handle cercumstances with that person to make that relationship easier. One of the quotes I liked out of that chapter was, "It's quite remarkable to observe what happens to a potentially heated interaction when someone is able to keep their sense of humor. In most cases, the situation is diffused and simply melts away." And that is the kind of advice that helps you in any circumstance. One of the chapters I personally learned the most from was chapter 49, "Take responsibility for your own happiness." This was why I titled this book review "Everything I needed to hear but noone told me." This chapter helped me realize that you cannot base your own happiness on other people. It should'nt be that you get into a relationship or make a new friend in order for them to fulfill something missing inside of you. Just like it's so easy to think someday you'll fall in love and then the rest of your life will be perfect. This chapter allows you to see that if your not fully happy and content with the individual you are, then envolving another human in your life will just take your focus away from your unhappiness and put that pressure on someone else to fulfill that. Personally, before I read this book, I kept asking myself and wondering what was wrong with my boyfriend and why was he not making me happy all the time. But now when I look at it I question to myself what was missing inside of me that was'nt making myself happy. For anyone that struggles with relationships and has a hard time admitting the truths about how you are in them...pick up this book. It will definatly enlighten you on an entire new way of opening your eyes to the little moments you can aviod to make those relationships easier.

23 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Immediate Results, May 9, 2002

By 

Rebecca Johnson "The Rebecca Review" (Washington State) - See all my reviews
(COMMUNITY FORUM 04)    (TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series) (Paperback)

If there was ever a book that could help change your relationship in a week, this is the book. By applying some of the very simple techniques, you will see amazing results. This book will not only help you in your marriage or dating relationship, it will also help you to become a better friend in general.

"Ideally, our relationship is one part of life that feels like a sanctuary - a partnership that is mutually nourishing and enriching both spiritually and emotionally." ~pg. 106

I noticed that when I changed, people around me started to change. It was as if this book contains those secrets we have all been looking for to improve all our relationships. There is a simple reason. This is written from the heart and deals with those real life issues we all care about. We all have that basic need to be unconditionally loved. Just to be loved and appreciated for who we are.

However, we have all developed habits that break down our connection with those important people in our lives. It is those little annoying habits that limit communication, take us down paths we don't want to follow that seem to cause the most problems. We repeat these habits over and over again, each time destroying a part of a relationship we care about.

At times we feel as if we are going to have to end a marriage or a friendship because the problems seem insurmountable. That is exactly the time we have to start to look at what "we" are doing to hurt or help our relationships. Those rare and beautiful friendships with people we really care about are so unique, I can't think of any reason not to put away our pride and start to mend the hurt we may have caused. Sometimes it means we have to say we are sorry or maybe we have to be willing to forgive the hurt others have caused us. The feeling of letting it all go is immensely rewarding and freeing.

You will be amazed by the depth in this tiny book. In a few hours, you will gain an immense amount of wisdom. Putting the 100 tiny meditations into practice might take a while. We all resist change.

What my husband and I decided to do, was to read the book with a highlighter in hand. First I read the book and marked the ideas I felt were important to me. Now he will read it and mark the sections he feels are important. Then we are going to work on various aspects of our relationship together.

"I've yet to see an instance where becoming more loving wasn't an idea worth considering." ~pg. 16

One of the most important ideas is to commit to being a "kind" person. Some of the other ideas I thought were quite helpful included:

Thinking of what your partner is doing, instead of what he is not doing.
Avoiding the temptation to connect loving praise with things that are bothering you.
Be willing to say "I'm Sorry" and Be willing to Forgive.
Realize that being listened to is a profound human need.
Don't be too serious. Learn to laugh at yourself.
Eliminate defensiveness in your personality.
Don't make people feel like they are constantly disappointing you.

If you are experiencing any frustration in your present relationship, this book will give you fast, easy solutions to changing your own outlook. By applying the principles, you will be amazed at how empowered you will feel when you take charge of your own destiny.

What a beautiful gift to humanity. I can't wait to read the entire "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff" series.

~The Rebecca Review