There is so much pressure on moms to be perfect. To make things even more stressful for moms, many of us have a tendency to be very tough on ourselves. The pressure the society puts on us, and the pressure we put on ourselves is great, and the stakes are high (the happiness and well being of our children) so no wonder we sweat the small and big stuff.
It probably starts already in pregnancy when we are told that stress is bad for the baby, and therefore we should just stop stressing right now (ready, set, go!)or when we receive other solicited and unsolicited parenting advice we seem to often get from fellow mothers, people at grocery stores, our own mothers, our mothers-in-law, you name it. In the era of Facebook and information overload we seem to be surrounded by "good advice" that's often contradictory (let your child cry-it-out, don't let your child cry-it-out, etc.), by perfect moms (just log in to Facebook...), and by people who always want to tell us how to be better moms. What we don't hear nearly enough is that our children will be alright regardless of the fact that we make small mistakes sometimes (because we all make mistakes sometimes); that we can cut ourselves some slack. Wouldn't it be nice to finally tell moms that they don't need to be so tough on themselves? That there isn't just one perfect way to be a good mom?! I think it would!
However, this book doesn't do it. Instead it tells you exactly this, how to be a "good mom" which would be fine if it were a topic of another book. The very first chapter of this book addresses perfectionism, and it says that moms aren't supposed to try to be perfect, and that they should admit to their mistakes when they make them to help their children understand that they themselves don't have to be perfect, and to be more authentic (which is very good advice, by the way). When you read on, you'll notice that the author very often refers to her own experiences, but she only shares with the reader the things that she thinks she did right. She doesn't share any mistakes she herself made (even though she mentions that she wasn't a perfect mom in her Introduction), but yet she encourages moms to admit to their own mistakes. To me it sends a mixed message.
In the following chapters she goes on to explain that you should develop a good rapport with your child or children. She offers very little advice on how to actually do that (she does mention you should spend quality time together with your child and work on projects you both enjoy), but she stresses that this is something you should do. And then there are other "shoulds" in this book. You should grow a garden (it's great for kids and family!). I tried growing a garden when my daughter was first born. It was extremely stressful, and the fact that we have all kinds of garden "predators" in our area (deer, rabbits, chipmunks, etc)made it supper frustrating. In addition she says that you should also make special mommy and me time (it's great for your oldest child); you should surround yourself with great mothers (it will help you to be a great mother yourself!); you should teach your children about needs vs. wants; you should set clear boundaries for your kids; you should talk to children about their safety; you should buy organic food and feed your children a wholesome, healthy diet because if you don't, they'll be obese, unhealthy and depressed. In other words, this book offers a lot of "mommy advice" that isn't really directed at making moms less stressed out, in fact it does the complete opposite of that by putting additional pressure on moms to do things right.
In all honesty, I stopped reading this book after chapter 22. I was just too disappointed in the content, and I realized that I wasn't going to get out of this book what it promised to deliver in its title. What I was hoping for was a book that would nourish my spirit and give me credit for the things that I do right. What I got was a lot of unsolicited advice on how to be a "good mom" (not all of which I agreed with) which came from one mother's perspective. Frankly, I'm tired of receiving advice on how to be a great mom. I admit, some of this parenting advice is good, and I already do those things (of course you should feed your children a healthy diet or teach your children about safety), but do you expect to be nagged about proper diet and "proper parenting" in a book that is supposed to make you feel less stressed out?! Very little of this author's advice is directed at how to "sweat less the small stuff." In fact, I've noticed that this book made me sweat all kinds of stuff more.
