Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys [Paperback]

Michel Dorais (Author), Isabel Denholm Meyer (Translator)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 2002

Nearly one male in six has been the victim of sexual abuse during childhood or adolescence - and yet this abuse remains a taboo subject, even among victims. In Don't Tell, Michel Dorais gives the victims a voice, providing a sensitive analysis of their traumas and self-questioning, and offering strategies for coping. Don't Tell examines the effects of sexual abuse on the emotional and sexual life of men, including their sense of self and their personal relationships. Using the first-hand accounts of victims Dorais shows that certain reactions are specific to male victims of abuse as they attempt to preserve a sense of physical integrity and masculinity. He also provides innovative strategies for both prevention and treatment that will be of use to those who have suffered abuse as well as to their families and all those who are trying to help them - spouses, friends, social workers, and therapists.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“This is an important book that will be of great benefit to social workers, educators, school counselors, parents, and to child and adolescent victims of sexual abuse who have never reported their abuse and continue to live its effects. Dorais's discussions of the cases are informative and packed with emotion. Teachers should include this work as a must-read for any course that touches on sexual abuse in any way whatsoever and all professionals being trained to work with victims should also have to read this book.” William Prendergast, diplomate certified sex therapist and the author The Sexual Abuse of Children & Adolescents: A Preventive Guide for Parents, Teachers & Counselors

About the Author

Michel Dorais has spent many years working with victims of sexual abuse and juvenile prostitution as a clinical social worker and is now a professor of social work at Laval University in Quebec City. He is the author of ten books dealing with sexuality.

--This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: McGill-Queen's University Press (March 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0773522611
• ISBN-13: 978-0773522619
• Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,534,478 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

35 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Summary, October 3, 2005

By 

Earl R. Sutton "earlsutton" (Detroit, MI, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys (Paperback)

"Nearly one male in six has been the victim of sexual abuse during childhood or adolescence--and yet this abuse remains a taboo subject, even among victims. In Don't Tell, Michel Dorais gives the victims a voice, providing a sensitive analysis of their traumas and self-questioning, and offering strategies for coping.
"Don't Tell examines the effects of sexual abuse on the emotional and sexual life of men, including their sense of self and their personal relationships. Using the first-hand accounts of victims Dorais shows that certain reactions are specific to male victims of abuse as they attempt to preserve a sense of physical integrity and masculinity. He also provides innovative strategies for both prevention and treatment that will be of use to those who have suffered abuse as well as to their families and all those who are trying to help them--spouses, friends, social workers, and therapists."

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very good book, many examples to relate to...., April 25, 2008

By 

Christopher Holkestad "Digger" (seattle, WA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys (Paperback)

I have a very good friend who was sexually abused for years, and have read a number of books on the subject. Some good, some bad. Why I liked this book, is: 1) it talks about specific cases, the fall out, and what recovery came about 2) helps understand the emotions within an abused man, 3) by understanding more about what happened, it has brought my closer to my friend.

This book is recommended, although I wish it hadn't needed to be written and that all of these kids are getting abused.....it is terrible, and heartbreaking.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The most honest book you are ever likely to read on the subject, May 19, 2010

By 

General Pete (SC) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys (Paperback)

A truly terrifying publication that deserves to be read. You feel horrified for the children who had to go through this but grateful to them for having the courage to speak up about what they had to go through. This book shatters forever any of the pro pedophile nonsense about boys actually agreeing to these kinds of relationships and that even if in a few cases the relationships were harmful it is because of social taboos and not the act of the sexual relationship itself. This is a two pronged defense it clears the older person in the relationship of any wrongdoing and it makes his actions not those of a criminal but rather those of a social reformer unbound by Puritan ideas about sex. It doesn't matter if society deems such actions as inappropriate.

The book also shatters another long standing myth that the act of sexual abuse of children is carried out by strange weirdos prowling playgrounds and shopping malls of the 40 cases cited in this book 39 of those abused were abused by members of their own family.

Two cases struck me as being particularly memorable one boy was trying to describe the feelings he felt the first time he was penetrated by an adult authority figure he thought had his best interests at heart eventually he just gave up and simply stated "I thought I was dying"

Another case involves the author speaking to another respondent asking him the very basic question why he never spoke up about the abuse until his early 20s among the by no means right but somewhat understandable concerns about what would happen to his relative and his family he said that because the abuse started at such a young age he thought it was perfectly normal that it was happening to all of his other friends as well.

That in a nutshell is what is so devastating about sexual abuse among boys something is being stolen from them and they don't even realize that it is being stolen from them. In the end it really makes no difference if the acts were committed by force or more gently mascaraing as genuine love.

No child should have to live through this. Thanks to the boys/men for testifying and thanks to the author for writing such a bold book.