Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years [Paperback]

Helen E. Johnson (Author), Christine Schelhas-Miller (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 17, 2000

Finally, a Dr. Spock for College Parents

Does your daughter call home in tears over the latest "crisis," leaving you feeling helpless and concerned? Is your son confused about his major? When children leave for college many parents feel uncertain about their shifting role. By emphasizing the importance of being a mentor, Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money shows that parents may have lost control over their college student, but they haven't lost influence.

Brimming with humorous case examples and realistic dialogues, this comprehensive guide covers the fundamental college issues, including:
* Preparing for College: what to bring, how to stay in touch, and how to handle money
* Adjusting Socially: roommates, stress, time management, and Greek life
* The Search for Identity: intimate relationships, choosing a major, and lifestyle and value decisions
* Handling Crises: depression, drug and alcohol abuse, dropping out, and eating disorders
* Postgraduate Choices: job hunting, internships, and graduate schools

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Parenting a college-bound student is a tricky business--combining your emotional and financial support with your child's newfound independence can seem nearly impossible. The authors of Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money are all too familiar with these difficulties and have created a practical guide that addresses specific situations and provides effective guidelines for changing the parent-child relationship. Topics are addressed frankly, and many parents may have trouble reading the sections concerning controversial subjects such as drug and alcohol use, birth control, homosexuality, and changes in religious and political beliefs. The emphasis here is not on changing your kid's mind about any of these things, but rather how parents can approach these sensitive topics while maintaining a positive and honest relationship. Most pages contain small text boxes highlighting what's on your mind and what's on your child's mind, as well as practical lists suggesting what to do and what to avoid, and these can be extremely helpful as a quick reference when faced with a sudden announcement from your student who's decided to change majors, stop living in the dorm, or study abroad.

With a down-to-earth tone and clear insight into the minds of both parents and college students, this is an easy-to-read book that manages to handle difficult topics without preaching or downplaying important events. Ultimately, this book aims to help parents and their nearly adult children make the transition to a new kind of relationship, ideally one that is open and mutually respectful. With careful reading and consideration, the suggestions presented will help create a handy road map to lead you through the twists and turns of parenting your college student. --Jill Lightner

From Kirkus Reviews

This concrete, easy-to-use guide is designed to help anxious parents support and understand their newly fledged children as they weather the slings and arrows of the first year of college. Johnson (Assistant Dean of Students/Cornell) and Schelhas-Miller (Adolescent Development/Cornell) possess decades of professional experience as college counselors, and their easy expertise is obvious. Despite glib overtones--the work at times reads like a transcript from a Power Point talk given at a generic freshman orientation--the authors address difficult issues with varying degrees of success. Certain basic assumptions--parental acceptance of teen sex (even to the point of providing off-to-college birth control pills) and the equally underplayed acceptance of underage drinking and drugging--might be obstacles for some readers, as might gender- and class-based generalizations, such as those addressed to young women on campus and individuals who are the first in their (immigrant) family to attend college. Despite these caveats, however, most potential first-year situations--from academic probation and credit-card sprees to date rape and eating disorders--are discussed in level, clear language designed to help parents allow their children to cope. The authors' main message (that parenting style should evolve from daily caregiving to more of a mentoring relationship) is clear and consistent, and seems sane and grounded guidance.Both a useful guide and a literary security blanket, offering familiar comforts and good, solid advice in a text-dense sea of boxes, lists, and resources for further reading. -- Copyright © 2000 Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 368 pages
• Publisher: Golden Guides from St. Martin's Press; 1st edition (June 17, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312263740
• ISBN-13: 978-0312263744
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 7 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #778,053 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

37 of 37 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Find!, March 6, 2001

By 

Judy S. Durham (Ocala, Florida USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years (Paperback)

After reading 4 to 5 various books similar to this topic I wished that I would have read this one first. It covers it all! A very thorough book full of insights into parenting during this questionable time of your childs life. I love the "What to Do" and "What Not to Do" sections and also the "What You Are Thinking" and "What Your Child is Thinking". My daughter is now a freshman at UF and this book was very affirming as I reflected back and found out that YES....this is NORMAL! This would of been the only book I bought and spent my time reading IF only I would have found it sooner. It will truly serve as a reference and I will keep it close at hand so I can flip through the index to find the current "crisis" explained and get insights as to how to handle. I plan on purchasing this book for graduation gifts for the parents of those children graduating from High School. It is a MUST read!

22 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Just what the doctor ordered, April 26, 2005

By 

L. Ferron (Tennessee, USA) - See all my reviews
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Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years (Paperback)

If Dr. Spock were alive he would have approved of this book. This is one of the few good parenting books dealing with "almost adult" children not living at home. It showed me that one of the hardest things a parent has to do is to let go of active parenting (ie, telling them what to do) and adopt a posture of mentoring with their college-aged child. Why was this so hard? We do it with other adults all time. This book gave me "permission" to stop worrying about letting my child make decisions which affect her life (and not necessarily mine). Once I read the scenarios (which are all too real) and the different approaches to responses, I found myself much more comfortable with the idea of helping her to determine her own fate -- one of her choosing and not of mine. Yes, it still takes practice and yes, sometimes I am holding my tongue (and choking on my response), but our relationship is better and she is becoming her own woman instead of a mini-clone of me. Guess what? Now that I am not judgemental or authorative she is telling me so much more. Now THAT'S an improvement!

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An easy-to-read guide!, May 30, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years (Paperback)

This is a very helpful guide -- I found the organization really simple and easy to work through, and the real-life examples made it all that much clearer to me.

I've often been afraid that my kids are growing apart from me -- one's in college now, and the other will be going soon. Now I have some great ideas on how my relationship with them can change and become a true adult relationship -- without losing my little girls completely!

I recommend this one for all parents -- whether your kid is ready for college, already in college, or thinking about college in a few years. This will really help you to be a parent who can HELP your kids, instead of just pressuring them and making them feel torn apart by the big adjustment away from the family.