I Don't Want To Be Crazy (Push) [Hardcover]

Samantha Schutz (Author)

Book Description

Series: Push | Publication Date: July 1, 2006

A harrowing, remarkable poetry memoir about one girl's struggle with anxiety disorder.

This is a true story of growing up, breaking down, and coming to grips with a psychological disorder. When Samantha Schutz first left home for college, she was excited by the possibilities -- freedom from parents, freedom from a boyfriend who was reckless with her affections, freedom from the person she was supposed to be. At first, she revelled in the independence ... but as pressures increased , she began to suffer anxiety attacks that would leave her mentally shaken and physically incapacitated. Thus began a hard road of discovery and coping, powerfully rendered in this poetry memoir.

Editorial Reviews

From School Library Journal

Grade 9 Up—In this "memoir in verse," Schutz comes to terms with an anxiety disorder that surfaced and plagued her throughout and after her college years. Readers accompany the author from the summer after high school, through college, on a semester abroad in Paris, and into her first job after graduation. Typical early-adulthood issues such as boyfriends, sex, drinking, grades, and family are woven throughout her struggle with physically and mentally debilitating panic attacks. The author had the courage and wisdom to seek professional help and embarked on a long and often bumpy road to treating her disorder. The decision to write in verse proves fitting; in the scenes in which a panic attack is approaching, for example, the short lines of text echo the breathless terror described within. Though the book begins to feel repetitive toward its conclusion, the repetition simultaneously reflects the cyclical nature of Schutz's disorder and one's college years. Aptly, the book ends without absolute closure, and while luckily not all teens will find themselves in identical situations, many young people transitioning to adulthood will find a part of themselves in this overwhelming, and seemingly never-ending, search for self-identity.—Jill Heritage Maza, Greenwich High School, CT
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Review

Praise for I Don't Want to Be Crazy "Versifying a novel takes craft and dedication. Versifying a memoir takes courage. Samantha Schutz must be commended for allowing readers such a personal glimpse of this frightening piece of her life experience." -Ellen Hopkins, author of Crank and Tricks "Once readers pick up this insightful debut, they will not be able to put it down." -Voice of Youth Advocates "Intense, intimate and heartbreaking. I had to remind myself to breathe." -Deb Caletti, author of The Queen of Everything --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 12 and up
  
• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Push (July 1, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 043980518X
• ISBN-13: 978-0439805186
• Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 5.2 x 7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #159,833 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #6 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Personal Health > Teen Health > Depression
  • #13 in Books > Teens > Biographies
  • #38 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Personal Health > Teen Health > Mental Health

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A window into somewhere you never want to go, July 21, 2006

By 

Erwin Schrodinger (USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Don't Want To Be Crazy (Push) (Hardcover)

Reading this book is almost like reading somebody else's diary. Samantha Schutz is open and honest with the most intimate details of her life during a nightmarish four year period from the end of high school through college graduation.

All the uncertainty of her life is here - leaving the familiarity of home for the first time, her relationships with guys, with her parents, with other girls, and with herself. And through it all a psychological disorder is slowly creeping into her life, undiagnosed at first, then openly destructive, and finally raging out of control. Samantha Schutz struggles between suicidal tendencies and efforts to beat the disorder. The therapy and drugs become a whole separate battlefield where she sometimes wins, often loses, and in some cases ends up worse off than she was before.

Reading the author's account of her journey is sometimes painful, and it was hard for me not to skip to the end to find out how her story ends. I Don't Want to be Crazy would be a compelling drama if it were fiction; the fact that is a true account makes it all the more intense.

The events in this book are written in the form of free verse poetry. Those three words normally send me running for cover, but Samantha Schutz chose this format for a reason. She conveys images and emotions with an intensity that the wordiness of prose cannot deliver. The words are few and carefully chosen, and their emotional impact is much greater because of it. This is free verse poetry written by a poet, and through it she accomplishes beautifully what she set out to do.

According to the book's postscript, anxiety disorders affect more than one in ten children and adolescents in America. Whether you realize it or not, chances are you might already know somebody who lives with an anxiety disorder. I Don't Want to be Crazy gives an inside look at the way they may be experiencing events that for us are merely an unremarkable part of our day. The clarity and candor of this book provide a valuable understanding for those of us who are looking in from the outside. And for anyone who recognizes themselves in these pages, it offers hope for coming to terms with the disorder and carving out a normal life despite the persistent looming threat of another anxiety attack.

I recommend this book to anyone in high school or older, but teens, young adults, and parents of teenagers will find it especially pertinent. And if you do know someone who has an anxiety disorder, you absolutely must read this book immediately!

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A beautiful Woman, a Beautiful Book, September 3, 2006

By 

A. J. Daigle (Brooklyn, NY) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: I Don't Want To Be Crazy (Push) (Hardcover)

Samantha herself gave me a copy of this book, and I cannot tell you what a true gift it was. As a woman who has struggled with my own anxiety disorder for almost 10 years, the honesty and reality of her story moved me often to the point of tears. Everyone who feels alone with their anxiety, or who knows someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder, should read this book, if only to know that THEY ARE NOT ALONE. Knowing Samantha and seeing firsthand what a lovely, sane, compassionate, accomplished woman she has become, in spite of her disorder, makes her book all the more powerful for me, because it shows me that there is hope! I recommend this book to anyone!

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I DON'T WANT TO BE CRAZY is an excellent commentary on pitfalls and stress., December 9, 2006

By 

Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Don't Want To Be Crazy (Push) (Hardcover)

Samantha Schutz's I DON'T WANT TO BE CRAZY tells of Samantha, who leaves home for college filled with expectations and excitement. As she revels in change, new pressures evolve and she begins to suffer anxiety attacks that threaten her newfound independence. Few stories are written to explore older teens leaving home and the pressures they face: I DON'T WANT TO BE CRAZY is an excellent commentary on pitfalls and stress.