Customer Reviews

I Don't Want a Divorce: A 90 Day Guide to Saving Your Marriage

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When a marriage reaches the point where the "D" word is tossed about like a hand grenade, it is hard to imagine that it can be saved, even though there are hundreds of books and programs that promise to do just that. The problem is that the efforts are usually one-sided; seldom do you see a couple in crisis calmly selecting a book on how to save their marriage. Yet, it has been Dr. David Clarke's experience that even the most hopeless of situations can be turned around with proper guidance and faith.

I DON'T WANT A DIVORCE is actually two guides in one. The first section is for couples who recognize that there are problems in their marriage and agree to work on them together. These problems can be a result of lost passion, arguments over children and finances that never get resolved, or some continuing sin. Dr. Clarke calls this "Dead Marriage Walking."

The second section is for those who have a spouse who is unwilling to change. Although the author refers to the unmovable "Stick" as the husband, it could just as easily be the wife. It is the partner who is content to maintain the status quo even though the status is miserable. Dr. Clarke writes: "Well, you married a Stick and now you're stuck." Yikes, not very compassionate there, Doc. But hold on. While Chapters 2 through 13 are loaded with wonderful ideas and exercises to help couples recover from a sickly marriage, it is in the latter chapters that the most difficult work gets done...when one of the partners is not willing to help.

Unlike many well-meaning Christian counselors, Dr. Clarke does not recommend that a woman married to a Stick stay stuck. He does not advise her to be submissive and to continue loving the Stick until he realizes the error of his ways and turns into a wonderful man of God. Instead, Dr. Clarke reveals the true nature of the Stick, and it is not pretty. The Stick can be emotionally abusive, selfish and a poor excuse for a father. And he will never change unless he has to.

Whether you are reading this book because you are married to a Stick or want to help someone who is, I DON'T WANT A DIVORCE will help you get to the very root of the problem and provide you with answers that you may never have thought of or been given by most Christian counselors. Direct and daring, Dr. Clarke clearly empowers the wife to wage the final battle for her marriage. He cites Biblical methods for confrontation and outlines the steps she needs to take. They are not easy steps, but unless the Stick has no redeeming qualities left in him, there are bound to be some changes from the status quo.

I DON'T WANT A DIVORCE is not the average "take two Scriptures and call me in the morning" Christian self-help guide. It is an exciting opportunity for those who have "tried everything" to get some real and lasting help.

--- Reviewed by Maggie Harding

So I work at a local bookstore in my town. I came across this book and it was just after my husband came home drunk and physically abused me. My husband is a wonderful man and has never done anything like that before. And he's been doing everything possible to get the help he needs.
We weren't sure if we could save our marriage. So I was stocking the shelves and I saw this book. I figured what the heck, I'll check it out. I was desperate for answers to save our marriage.
This book is amazing. The authors writing is so modern, relaxed, and easy to get pulled in. After reading the first 5 pages, I literally thought, was this book written specifically about US!?!? They help with all different levels and situations. From intimacy issues in the bedroom and romance to abusers and critical cases.
My husband has decided to read it with me too. We're only a quarter way in and it's already helped us a LOT. It teaches a 12 week step by step guide to building the foundation to your marriage.
It has definitely been a useful tool in rebuilding the trust that was lost with his alcoholism. I would recommend it to anyone who is on a slippery slope with their spouse. It is addressed to both genders of the couple and even if you're just looking to make things between you even a LITTLE better, it helps with that too.
So glad I bought this book!!!

Super awesome book. The book has made a big differnce in our marriage. I hope all couples with marriage issues will read this book to help their marriage.

As a (retired) marital therapist and husband of over 38 years, I view the content of this book as sound both psychologically and theologically. I agree with the author that even if the reader is not a Christian, he/she can benefit from applying the prinicples outlined throughout the book. My primary concern is that I wonder how many individuals and couples are spiritually and emtionally capable of navigating the prescribed exercises without the assitance of a therapist or discerning pastor. Also, I don't know what research supports this approach. In any event, this book provides a model for dealing with marital problems ranging from mild to severe. I parituclarly admire the author's stance on holding spouses who have commmitted "serious sins" which have severely impacted the marriage (e.g. adultery, addiction related behaviors) accountable in a highly structured way.

Many marital self-help books and marital therapy textbooks have exercises designed to enhance caring behaviors, conflict resolution skills, and so on. In comparison, I'd say the exercises in this book - some are better than others - are overall worthwhile. Most of the sample written exercises reflected emotional maturity and insight which I suspect few people exhbit in the midst of martial turmoil. If you're not able to work through the marital issues outlined by Dr. Clarke on your own, again, consider enlisting the aid of a competent helping professional who shares your values. In turn, that professional would likely be comfortable with the basic approach outlined in this book, though he/she may not choose to adhere strictly to the book's approach

I think the information in this book was somewhat basic common sense information that anyone with any sort of intelligence would already be doing with his or her spouse if they truly wanted to remain together. Not a book I'd suggest to others, there are far better resources out there for saving marriages. Although I shouldn't talk as if I'm an expert myself, not out of the woods yet!

Dr. Clark has a lot of nerve to call himself a "Christian" I don't think Satan could have written a better book to wreck marriages.
Briefly, according to Dr. Clark, if you spouse is not all you want them to be, then they are a "Stick", they are sinning, and you should start the process to isolate and separate from them.
This book will not save marriages.

Are you serious about saving your marriage? Do you care about the emotional health of your children? Have you tried counseling that just doesn't seem to be doing the job in changing your marriage to the way it should be? Full of love, respect, caring, and sharing with each other. Then this book will guide you in finding fulfillment in your marriage. This is not a book for the married couple who is not willing to commit to a process that will be uncomfortable and sometimes painful. Dr.David Clarke believes that all of us come into our marriages with emotional wounds created by unresolved conflicts from our past. In order for our marriages to thrive we need to go back and take a look at those painful experiences and forgive the people who hurt us. Only then can we properly respond to our spouses in a way that brings about the kind of marriage that makes our hearts sing.
Dr. David Clarke's section on the "Stick" I believe is the most empowering section of all. "Stick" is Dr. David Clarkes term for a person who refuses to change. The "Stick" is a person who is completely self-centered who only thinks about his own needs and desires. The book describes a series of well explained, specific steps to be taken by the willing spouse. If the willing spouse takes those steps, the unwilling spouse has no choice but to shape up or ship out.

Provides a VERY Christian based step by step approach to improving your relationship. While I was not a fan of all of the steps listed in this book, I did feel that there are some very good points that can be of benefit to everyone.

I was hoping for some good advice from this book. And it may be in here, but I couldn't get past the page in the beginning that demands submission from the wife to the husband. I'm sure there are people who don't mind this attitude, but it's not what I would look for in a modern, Christian book.
My point is, if you are a evangelical Christian the premise of this book may work for you. However, if your views are not that traditional , you may want to browse other books. I had this on my kindle for all of one hour!