Customer Reviews

And I Don't Want to Live This Life: A Mother's Story of Her Daughter's Murder

5 star:		(107)
4 star:		(17)
3 star:		(11)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

Fact-based novels don't come any more raw, honest and emotionally-charged as this one. I've read this countless times, and each time, I'm always left feeling completely drained after I finish it. The incredible pain, sadness and heartbreak that the Spungen family endured throughout Nancy's turbulent and tragic life, even continuing after her death, practically leaps from the pages and overtakes you.

The public only saw one side of Nancy Spungen, the fabricated image of her that was created by sleazy tabloid reporters who traumatized and exploited the Spungen family in their time of grief and loss. It's no secret that Nancy was disturbed and a heroin addict, but what most people fail to see is that underneath it all she was a sensitive human being who unfortunately could not find peace and happiness in life. Whatever fragments of these things she found in her relationship with Sid Vicious were also short-lived, as well as for Sid himself. He, too was searching for something that was missing in his life; he found it in Nancy Spungen and they were drawn together.

In nearly all of the negative reviews posted here (which all are completely undeserved), the reviewers foolishly point to Mrs. Spungen as a "whiny loser" and a "terrible parent"...did you people even READ the book before making such ridiculous comments? What would YOU have done if YOU were in her shoes? Unless you've gone through what she has, you have absolutely NO CLUE and don't know what you're talking about!

Every facet of Nancy's life from begninning to end is laid painfully bare and nothing is held back; with every word, you feel Mrs. Spungen's emotions as if they were your own. Following Nancy's death, Mrs. Spungen created the Philadelphia chapter of Parents Of Murdered Children (POMC) in an effort to reach out to other parents and families whose lives were shattered by the murder of their child. Would a "whiny loser" or "terrible parent" or someone in search of personal notoriety do this? I think not. It's a labor of love from a mother whose daughter's murder remains unsolved nearly 26 years later. If Deborah Spungen is in search of anything, it's closure.

I recommend this book very highly and praise Deborah Spungen equally so for her remarkable strength, courage and love.

Great book. Really let you find the person behind what Nancy became and what her family went through with her. She was a tragedy waiting to happen which finally did. Must read this book to get the real story. The media never even touched the surface.

This book was so honestly written, the mother writing so truthfully about her love, fear, and worry for her daughter, only to end tragically. I feel so much for her and her family. Every mother should read this.

Nancy was doomed from birth-or so it seems after reading her mother's devastating, pull no punches account of her deeply disturbed daughter's tragically short life. This book is just haunting. I had cousins very similar to Nancy-all from her age group and all now dead from drugs.

How do you help those who refuse to be helped? How do you keep loving someone who attacks you, steals from you, abuses the family, keeps the family under a virtual living Hell-at least until they are of age and you can finally, devastatingly kick them out? And even then they still keep the family under siege-until death parts them. That was Nancy judging from her loving mother's book. That was my long dead cousins too.

The title of the book comes from a poem titled "Nancy" written by none other than Sid Vicious.

This long-lost young man is now in the Rock N' Roll Hall Of Fame along with the rest of the still living, and reluctant Sex Pistols all of whom refused to attend the RNRHOF Induction Ceremonies.

If Nancy wanted to be remembered forever in the sphere of Rock N' Roll-for good or bad she will be. I believe The Sex Pistols will be remembered for all posterity-and Nancy will be too because of her affair with Sid. Those who continue to spit on Nancy's grave (and some even spit on Sid's memory-he was cremated) by making horrible comments about this young woman who has been dead for over 28 years and therefore not here to defend herself-those who show no regard for her family's feelings have all checked their humanity at the door. :(

I highly recommend this book. This is as close to Nancy's side of the story as you are ever likely to get.

The book has some surprizing insight on Sid who some believed to be mildly retarded. He was not. Judging from his letters, and poems to Nancy's mother after Nancy's death they clearly show an eloquent, intelligent and even sensitive young man who was as deeply troubled as Nancy-perhaps more so since his own mother was a heroin addict.

In John Lydon's book "Rotten: No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs" Sid's own school mates mention watching him shoot up speed and God knows what else-with his own mother's syringe which he sterilized himself. With a mother like he had Sid was on a difficult road in life-meeting Nancy I believe only hurried him along to his own self-destruction. And in the end he died from heroin supplied by his own mother Anne.

Nancy didn't kill Sid. His mother did-or at least she helped. :(

Surprisingly enough, I first read an exerpt of this book that was published in a magazine back in the day, 1984, when the book first published. I was surprised to find this book in my daughter's room--she'd just purchased and completed reading it; I decided to read it as well. For the punk rock or informed music crowd, "Sid and Nancy" are synonymous with tragic folklore; for those unfamiliar, here is the basic summary of who "Sid & Nancy" are...they are the punk version of "Romeo and Juliet," they are an infamous couple built and transformed into myth and legend...they have been immortalized in film, books, music, merchandise, and as are most tragic figures, their legacy/legend and story has become larger in death than in thier extremely sad, short lives. Again, in the punk world, "Nancy" is not often mentioned without "Sid," and when "Nancy" is mentioned, rare is the kind word towards her. In fact, in punk circles, she was basically known as "Nauseating Nancy," or "That horrible girl, Nancy..." One will see "Nancy's" image in practically any book about the punk music scene...whether it is a photo, or an unflattering comment; she is usually a minor feature or at least mentioned in any documentary regarding the punk music scene and The Sex Pistols, again, often in quite unflattering terms...A very popular movie was made about "Sid and Nancy," which again, is quite the tragic and unflattering portrait of this individual; one can purchase t-shirts and posters of "Sid and Nancy," who are in effect, the definitive statements of "PUNK ROCK TRAGEDY." I believe it was an important move for Mrs. Spungen, Debbie, to write this book, and provide Nancy Spungen with a background, a history, and a face other than the bleach-blonde, junkie girlfriend of Sid Vicious. As mentioned, most of what is known and written about Nancy Spungen comes from those who knew of her in that punk-music circle, and from reading Mrs. Spungen's accounts of her daughter's tramautic, unpredictable and outrageous behavior, it would not surprise me if Nancy acted this way around others; hence, the usually unflattering accounts of how others within that circle perceived her. And while Mrs. Spungen was not always there with Nancy, hearing only Nancy's accounts of how "everyone was against her, everyone hated her," it still must be difficult for a mother to hear such nasty stories and references toward her daughter, no matter how true. Poignantly, Deborah points out how after Nancy's death, none of these so called "friends" of Nancy's came forward to offer any condolences, leading her to wonder if she was indeed making up just whom she knew, or if indeed, she was as unliked as she was portrayed. Ironically, the only one who professed his concern, regret, and love of Nancy was...Sid! Now, this is not to say that Nancy Spungen was not the troubled, rather difficult individual of whom she was often associated...she was. But Mrs. Spungen provides the very troubled, difficult life endured by an entire family who exists with one who is mentally ill. And yes, Nancy Spungen was mentally ill. I found myself alternately angered at the Spungen's for "giving in" to thier rather disturbed daughter, especially at the expense of thier other children and thier lives in general; I would then find myself outraged at the "medical community" for not taking the Spungen's seriously or not considering Nancy's condition as serious as it was, and basically pawning Nancy off as "too difficult to handle," "she'll grow out of it," "we don't know what to do with her," "it's your fault because you're bad parents," "We didn't realize she was THIS bad," "Put her on drugs..." which would bring me right back to the point of this book...a mother, and a family's frustration and conflict over attempting to do the right thing: raise a severely mentally ill child without legitimate help or positive reinforcement from the medical community, or the community in general, and the tug-of-war parents and family must endure when dealing with a mentally ill child. My gosh...what a nightmare and a roller coaster of emotions that must have went on with this family! Nancy basically "ruled" the house with her behavior, which is by all accounts, dreadful and scarey. Her extremely violent tantrums, outbursts, sociopathic attitude, are all real, but again, apparently, Nancy was schitzophrenic, although the Spungens never really did receive a legitimate evaluation of thier daughter, and Nancy was also intelligently brilliant, check out her IQ scores. I found myself wanting to scream at the Spungens for not "getting rid" of their awful daughter, but then, Deborah, Nancy's mother, would speak as only a mother can, and one can see both the hope and despair only a parent can feel toward a child...Often, it is easy for an outsider to say, "Give up! Forget about her! She's beyond help! What about the rest of your family???" But as only parents can, the Spungen's never actually gave up on thier daughter, no matter how hard they may have tried to "let her go," and despite Nancy's behavior, which can be described as nothing short of horrendous, Deborah Spungen explains the feelings with heart-wrenching honesty the turmoil, the choices a parent makes, and why we, as parents, do not always view our children the way others do, especially when that child is ill. The Spungen's basically learned to live AROUND Nancy's behavior/illness, and she continues to describe how Nancy continued to "rule the house" during her absenses from the home and in death. Most parents love thier children, no matter what. Regardless of the child's problems, or what others may think, we, as parents, remember the goodness in our child, the birth, the hope, we love our child/children, and do not want to give up on them...in spite of it all. What happened to Nancy Spungen is the real tragedy...Not only was she a mentally ill individual in an era when the medical community did not really know how to deal with the mentally ill other than drug and/or institutionalize them. Deborah's "never give up" attitude toward her daughter conveys a sadness as to what "might have been" should her daugher HAVE received proper medical treatment. Yes, Deborah gives Nancy a face, and while Mrs. Spungen does not color-coat Nancy...meaning, she does not cover-up Nancy's behavior, outbursts, and drug addiction with excuses or saying something naive like, "Well, she really wasn't THAT bad..." She does provide an outlook toward Nancy from a mother and family's point of view. Deborah describes the exhaustion on her part dealing with Nancy's constant crises'; the "myths" in the press that Nancy was from a "well-to-do" Jewish family, when in fact, they were a hard working middle-class family who probably did everything within thier means to help their daughter despite it all. Additionally, Deborah provides a brief detail about the "punk rock" scene and The Sex Pistols, which is by most accounts, flawed...perhaps some of the information she received was standard information as she understood it, but for those who are familiar with the Sex Pistols and punk rock, "Johnny Rotten's" real name is "John Lydon," not "John Lyman." Otherwise, this book is truly the account of a family raising a very troubled child, who has since become the subject of myth and legend in the punk rock world. The way Nancy has continued to be described, even twenty-seven-years after her murder (of which Mrs. Spungen provides a very honest view), is quite unflattering...but at least Nancy has been given a voice...the voice of a parent, who is probably the only person who can stick up for this very troubled individual. This book is very good not only for those who have mentally ill children, but it is for those who have loved one's who have been murdered, and for the punk-rock fan whose opinions have been formed through a quarter-century+ of myth and legend, give this book a read...Nancy was loved; Nancy was not happy; Nancy was a very sick person...Perhaps she was not dealt the best hand in the deck; perhaps this book will help one understand beyond the "legend" of Sid and Nancy. And sadly, it is hard to believe that for all Nancy endured, all her problems, all of her "world-weariness beyond her years," she never lived to be old enoough to legally purchase alcohol...that was one of many thoughts, however shallow it may seem, I had after reading this. Nancy's life...if one can call it that...was truly the tragedy.

This is the "inside" story of the real-life girlfriend of musician Sid Viscious of the Sex Pistols, written by the girl's mother herself. Nancy Spungen was angry and rebellious seemingly from the day she was born-and became an angry, rebellious, drug abusing, promiscuous teenager who devasted her parents with the lifestyle she led. She eventually became the girlfriend of Sid viscious and died after being stabbed. Nancy never seemed to respond to anyone's overtures toward her and persistently pursued a downhill course of life. Mrs. Spungen has tried to understand what made Nancy tick, so to speak, theorizing that Nancy had brain damage from a difficult childbirth where Nancy lacked oxygen for a time during the difficult labor. The daugher's mental pain, and that of her mother are sad and mesmerizing and make for an unforgettable read.

This book is very sad.The way the girl really had no one who understood her exept Sid Vicious is sad.He could not help her.
I have a friend in school like this and she is doing well.She has a good foster home with parents who take an interest in her and keep her on her medicine.
This book can't help anyone with a family member whose disturbed.I cant recomend it for anybody as a help book because they never figured out whats wrong with Nancy and it's just real painful to read.

I bought this book because I wanted some insight into one of the most enigmatic couples in pop culture history - Sid and Nancy. While Nancy's story as told by her mother was not at all what I might have expected, it did not disappoint.

Not knowing about Nancy's horrendous suffering (seemingly equal to that of her family)as baby, child and adolesecent, one would obviously think her last two frenetic years spent with Sid --ending in murder/suicide --represented the end of a tragic downward spiral of a young life. But having read the chronological saga of Nancy as told in Deborah Spungen's book, it becomes crazily apparent that the short few months in the Punk scene with Sid was the pinnacle of Nancy's miserable life, and complete with lurid aspects, without doubt the only period in which she was happy.

Though Nancy's mother (who in subsequent years has gotten her Masters in Social Policy Work) seems to realize this with a singularly objective eye on one hand in her account, she raises some curious questions about her own perspective and priorities on the other.

Readers looking for the skinny on Sid and Nancy will need to work their way through the painfully hair-raising episodes of Nancy's tormented babyhood, childhood and adolescence which take up 80 percent of the book. (These details may sound unbelievable to anyone who has not personally known of such a biochemically skewed child, but Nancy's story may offer interest -- though not much in the way of hope -- to parents of children with undiagnosed congenital personality disorders.)

But the background, the difficult and lengthy recounting of the horrific sufferings of Nancy and her family, is essential in order to appreciate the relationship of Nancy and Sid -- one of the saddest, the bitterly sweetest, and arguably the only real love story to come out of the punk period.

Some of the most revealing and poignant Sid lore available in print comes unexpectedly in Sid's own voice as quoted by Deborah. Remarkably, after being released on bond from jail after being charged with Nancy's murder, Sid called Mrs. Spungen with a heartfelt apology for not being able to attend her funeral. And what do you know, the book title "And I Don't Want to Live This Life" comes--not from Nancy's words, but Sid's--in a surprisingly well-written and juicy letter to Mrs. Spungen about his love for Nancy.

Some interesting quirks exist in Mrs. Spungen's tome (one small but curious example: in the only two references made to Johnny Rotten Lydon, she calls him John "Lyman"). And other more intriguing questions could be raised about where Deborah Spungen is really coming from. In one aspect of consciousness, Deborah seems to realize that a)Sid and Nancy truly loved one another as best these two individuals could, b)Nancy's death was more suicide than murder in view of what few facts are known (for example, Nancy herself purchased the knife that killed her two days before her death), and c)Nancy was destined to die young as a victim of her own incorrigible biochemical nature.

Yet, when all is said and done, Deborah chooses to pledge her resources in the aftermath to "Parents of Murdered Children." From all Deborah and her family had been through for the entire twenty years of hell Nancy was on earth, this focus seems to rather miss the point. It would seem to an observer that a more fruitful and applicable endeavor might be research into congenital aberrations of personality -- more specifically blood bilerubin abnormalities at birth -- which she early on identifies as the prime suspected cause of Nancy's life of frenzied misery.

It's probably more of a woman's than a man's book - but a truly fascinating read on many levels.

"And I Don't Want To Live This Life" by Deborah Spungen is the life story of the doomed punk legend Nancy Spungen, seen through her mother's (Deborah Spungen) eyes.

In this haunting, heartbreaking tale of parents trying to deal with an out-of-control, apparently schizophrenic, drug-addicted child, Deborah Spungen spares no one. Not Nancy, nor Sid Vicious, not the medical or psychiatric professionals, who gave the Spungen's no help with Nancy, and in some cases even seemed to make things worse. Spungen doesn't forget the educational system, either, which abandoned Nancy. The legal system and media also failed Nancy, which is pointed out adequately enough. Most importantly, Deborah Spungen does not spare herself or her husband.

The book is deeply personal (Spungen bravely admits to an affair she had while married). A well-crafted account of the inner workings of a family dealing with a child who is severely psychologically damaged. The reader is left breathlessas Spungen recounts Nancy's rebellious antics, psychotic episodes, and horrifying decent into drug addiction and ulitmately, madness.

And then there is the murder. Spungen's description of the days leading up the murder reads (painfully) like a train wreck. The days after the murder are heartwrenching.

Surprisingly, Spungen, at various times, paints Sid Vicious in a sympathetic light. Though she offers no excuses for him, she does portray him in an unbiased manner as a confused, naive young man sucked into the world of fame and drugs.

This is a book anyone who has had a child murdered, has a family member addicted to drugs, with emotional problems or violent tendencies. Most importantly, this is a book for people who want to look beyond snap judgments and choose to live their lives with empathy for those who can not be understood.

I remember reading this book when I was 14 or 15 or so in the early 90's, just from hearing about the whole "Sid and Nancy" phenomenon.

What I was met with was something much different. This book is not about "Sid and Nancy" as you read about, but rather, an upper-middle class family, struggling with a child. Doctors kept dismissing her, prescribing medications, but never addressing the real problem, despite parental attempts.

I remember after reading it the first time, thinking I felt so bad for her (the mother) and thinking that this was not at all what I expected in this book.

Now that I'm 31, and a parent myself, I happened to find the old copy of the book. I read it with completely different eyes, and all I want to do is just give Mrs. Spungeon a huge hug. Not so much for just because of what happened at the end, but for all she endured during Nancy's short life.

Mrs. Spungeon, I hope you read these reviews. You're an amazing woman.

I can't recommend this book enough.