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I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression Paperback – March 2, 1998
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From Publishers Weekly
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Top Customer Reviews
Mr. Real writes from experience and with knowledge from both sides of the couch. As he composites out and recreates therapy sessions, you, as a depressed man, should see yourself. You can see where you've been and get a preview of where you're going.
Each chapter ends on an upbeat. It does not end on a sappy upbeat. This is no Stuart Smalley book, no pop psychology here. It is a real upbeat, real hope on a deep level. I actually copied paragraphs from this text onto my own paper and carried them along with me.
It takes courage not to be depressed. This book makes this clear. It also makes it abundantly clear that it can be done.
A distinction is made between covert (or hidden) depression and overt depression - the type which is plain for the world to see. Covert depression in many cases is hidden from the victim himself. The author suggests a strong link between covert depression and addictive behavior.
Although the book was very educational, it left me with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. Case after case after case of abuse, violence, despair and hate leaves the reader with a profound sorrow and a feeling that the world is a terrible place.
Male depression is a "legacy" in the sense that it can be passed down through the generations. In many cases, a father is not able to come to grips with his own psychological afflictions and in turn these manifest themselves in the child when he grows up to be a man.
Male depression can also spring from cultural expectations. Men try to conform to the stereotype of "strong, silent". If a man is an alcoholic or addicted gambler, these are conditions that are seen as curable. However, if a man chooses to discuss his emotions or behaves in a manner which might be considered as feminine, then he is avoided like a leper and socially ostracized.
The book concludes with a powerful message - that it is necessary in life to nurture relationships and have a goal in life that is larger than personal gratification. This is a personal quest on which I am currently embarking.
I have no negative things to say about the book and would highly recommend its purchase!
Real may just save my marriage and give me
back the man I married 33 years ago. As I read
this book, I cried. My husband and I were on
every page. Finally, I understand the hell
we've been living in for so long. A psychotherapist for twenty
years, author Terrence Real exposes the pain
the isolation, the workaholism,the disconnection
that signal covert male depression.
He is conservative in his estimates. I would say
most men suffer from depression at some point in their lives.
And they suffer longer because they have been
taught to repress, to deny. Thank you, Terry.
I'm bringing your book to our next counseling session.
We may live happily ever after, after all.
This one's different. Real is the only therapist I've read who captures the anger behind depression--dammit, harm has been done to innocent people, and the pain they suffer is unrecognised, devalued or morally stigmatised becuse the sufferers happen to be male.
The rage they feel against the perpetrator(s)never gets a focus. After all, it would be focussed on the people who cared for you as you grew. What does one do if the hand that beats you is the hand that feeds you? You do what you need to survive the moment. You stay fed. Only later do you fail to thrive.
Terrence Real focusses his own rage on this injustice--and rage, indeed, he does. He suffered the abuse that leads to depression, and now helps men face it squarely.
Like an ugly scab, healing ain't always pretty. If you never properly clean and dress a wound, grotesque scars disfigure you. Real tells the stories of men who have put the time, effort and care into healing. It ain't easy. But having done so, their scars heal clean, and a happier life begins.
Other so-called self-help books (the "inner-child" movement springs to mind) seem to argue that learning to love your scars is the road to happiness. Poppycock.
(I might also add that this is less a self-help book than a political and moral treatise. If sufferers find it helpful, that's a by-product.)
Personally, I think Real lets women off the hook too easily in this book. Having endured the female-dominated "caring professions" to effect my own cure, I think Real ought to empahsise the complicity of women in the patriarchy (which he rightly labels as damaging to both sexes).Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Figuratively speaking, this book saved my life. It helped me understand what I had suspected for so long, what I had lived with for so long. Read morePublished 7 days ago by KellysHero718
This book broke me open. Looking back on how covert depression may have been at the root of all the best and worst things I've done in my life, at the expense of relationship... Read morePublished 8 days ago by W
My councelor recomended it. It was very enlighting. Very enjoyable to read for a book about depressionPublished 1 month ago by Amazon Customer
Terrence Real describes what it was like for he and his brother to overcome an abusive childhood by his father who would go into verbal rages when least expected. Read morePublished 1 month ago by Ruby Jane
Not "easy reading," but well written to understand men's depression, especially when it is generational (i.e., father/son)... though many are undiagnosed.Published 5 months ago by Lynne Land