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Pass the Pizza Sauce For This Chunk of Cheese
on January 19, 2013
Ah, the great outdoors. Nothing says summer like going camping in the woods; swimming in a lake; accidentally wiping your rear with poison ivy, or being hacked to bits by a guy who looks as if he got lost between here and The Road Warrior set. And that's just for starters.
Welcome to Don't Go In the Woods; one of the funniest slasher flicks to come out of the 80s.
Four of the ugliest campers to ever grace the screen hike into the woods only to discover that they're being hunted by the Mad Max reject. And they are only the central story. You see, about every five minutes or so, when we're not being shown the same establishing shot of the mountain over and over again, we meet new campers just long enough to see them get killed. We see Dale and his whinny moomoo wearing mother, Dick and Cherry, the ugliest newlyweds to date (take one look at Cherry's nose. It'll give the Wicked Witch of the West a run for its money!), a bird watcher who gets killed by a leaf, the sleeping black couple (that's all they do!), a guy in a wheelchair (what's a dude in a wheelchair doing trying to climb a mountain?), and a slew of others. But have no fear! The long arm of the law will keep everyone safe. Well, except the long arm of the law happens to consist of one of the fattest sheriffs in town (if anyone needed to try and climb a mountain, it's this guy!) and the most feminine deputy ever. Seriously, if I had these two looking out for me, I'd take my chances with the killer Captain Caveman.
This movie should've never seen the light of day. It was even on the UK's Video Nasties List. Its like a can a Pringles; once you start you just can't stop. Theres absolutely no character development and no coherent plot. Even the dialogue is off. It's lip flap parade not seen this bad outside of Tokyo during one of Godzilla's many rampages. I don't know why but I strongly recommend this movie to any one needing a good laugh. It's ultra low budget filmmaking at its worst but its a fun ride and its rewatchability factor is through the roof.