On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men [Hardcover]

J.L. King (Author), E. Lynn Harris (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 14, 2004

A bold exposé of the controversial secret that has potentially dire consequences in many African American communities

Delivering the first frank and thorough investigation of life “on the down low” (the DL), J. L. King exposes a closeted culture of sex between black men who lead “straight” lives. King explores his own past as a DL man, and the path that led him to let go of the lies and bring forth a message that can promote emotional healing and open discussions about relationships, sex, sexuality, and health in the black community.

Providing a long-overdue wake-up call, J. L. King bravely puts the spotlight on a topic that has until now remained dangerously taboo. Drawn from hundreds of interviews, statistics, and the author’s firsthand knowledge of DL behavior, On the Down Low reveals the warning signs African American women need to know. King also discusses the potential health consequences of having unprotected sex, as African American women represent an alarming 64 percent of new HIV infections. Volatile yet vital, On the Down Low is sure to be one of the most talked-about books of the year.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

The closer a secret is kept, the more powerful the impact once it is finally revealed. Such is the case with author and activist J.L. King's intriguing look at the lives and lifestyles of black men who sleep with other men but do not consider themselves to be gay. These men live "on the down low," the "DL" for short, and their sexual activities have gained significant notice as the rate of HIV/AIDS infection in black women has skyrocketed, with the vast majority of cases coming from heterosexual sex. King is a veteran of the DL himself and his book serves partly as a social and psychological survey of the other men he has surveyed and partly as highly candid memoir. King was well regarded in his community, popular at his church, successful in his career, and married to a woman who had no idea that his secret life existed. But when she caught him in a lie and with another man, the marriage collapsed and King's long and painful path to self-awareness began. King cites the negative image many socially conservative black men have of homosexuality as an obstacle to those men being honest with their partners and themselves about who they are. Among the more intriguing elements of On the Down Low are the peculiar approaches men on the DL have to the sexual act, seeking a strictly physical sexual relationship with their secret male partners while remaining in more traditional arrangements with women. Whether this discrepancy is a product of scrupulously guarded secrecy and shame or the natural preference of an understudied sexual identity is one of the numerous questions raised by this book. Though the infection statistics make the DL a huge public health issue, King is neither a sociologist nor a medical professional. And while a more clinical look at this issue would be welcome, King accomplished what he set out to do: provide light and insight into a world that so many have worked so hard to keep in the shadows. --John Moe

From Booklist

King is very straightforward about the phenomenon, called the down low, of "straight" men having sex with other men without disclosing it to the women in their lives. Having spent more than 20 years living the dual life of the down low, King is familiar with all the personal, psychological, social, and even religious implications of living on the down low and the risks this lifestyle poses to the spread of HIV and AIDS. He recalls his struggle with self-gratification, the fear of exposure, and the responsibility to his family before coming to the conclusion that he owed his family honesty. King also cites respect for black women as a motive for disclosing his secret, though the reader might question how much respect he had for 20 years. But that's part of King's point in his disclosure, that men on the down low and the black community itself, with little tolerance of homosexuality, need to be more honest and open on issues of sexuality. This is a revealing look at an important social and health issue. Vernon Ford
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 208 pages
• Publisher: Broadway; First Edition first Printing edition (April 14, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0767913981
• ISBN-13: 978-0767913980
• Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 5.8 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.7 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (172 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #144,204 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #22 in Books > Gay & Lesbian > Nonfiction > Bisexuality

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

72 of 75 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A much needed wake-up call, April 28, 2004

By 

JLind555 - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   

This review is from: On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men (Hardcover)

J.L. King tossed a lit firecracker into the audience on Oprah's TV show when he talked frankly and honestly about black men living on the down low: supposedly straight men who sleep with other men but refuse to acknowledge they are gay or bisexual. The audience's visceral reaction told how King had hit a nerve. In this book, King talks straight-up about the pressures on black men to "be a man" and the deep-rooted homophobia in the black community that not only encourages, but practically forces men to keep any homosexual desires or activity deep undercover.

King is up front about his own experience living on the down low and urges women to be careful in choosing their partners. Well and good, but looking at King's own example, how are women able to tell who's living on the down low and who isn't? The danger to the wives and girlfriends of these men, as King explains, is that the men are so deep in denial they refuse to practice safe sex with other men, because that would mean admitting they have sex with other men, and the denial goes so deep that the men constantly lie to themselves about their own sexual activity. The soaring HIV rate among black women who were infected by black men living on the down low is terrifying proof of how this problem has impacted on the African-American community. I've personally known two women who died of AIDS after being infected by men living on the down low whom they thought they could trust -- one by her live-in partner; the other by her husband.

King himself is sending a mixed message; on the one hand, he is forthright about the extent of the problem and the need for women to protect themselves; on the other, even as he acknowledges he has been part of the problem, he gives no indication that he is going to cease and desist, or even practice safe sex with his female partners to protect them against possible infection. It's almost as if he were saying, "Ladies, here I am; play at your own risk." But I'll give King his props for being honest about his own behavior, and how the problem of men living on the down low has put millions of women at risk. As the book emphasizes, it's up to every woman to take steps to protect herself, because, in the end, nobody is going to look out for you but you.

Judy Lind

32 of 34 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Profound, April 28, 2004

By 

thesavvybamalady "swblkdiamond" (Prichard, Alabama USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men (Hardcover)

To all of you out there who feel you know your man, to those of you out there that now you do the "DL",to those of you who know but have their heads stuck somewhere it don't need to be, GET THIS BOOK!!! I cannot emphasize how much you should, if you can't BUY it, go to the library and BORROW IT!!! I saw this guy on Oprah just two weeks ago, and I tell you, It made me really think twice about wanting to be with someone. Because a lot of women are catching AIDS unknowingly and unwittingly thinking their man is exclusive with them, when in reality, they are going with them, as well as men. That is one of the most hurting things to find that you have someone and they cause you this pain. Don't get caught a minute longer out there. Read this book. And while your at it, it won't hurt to read E.Lynn Harris' novels as well. BE Prepared and be aware folks!!

37 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Every Woman MUST Read This Book, May 3, 2004

By 

K. J. Bryant "peachycream" - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men (Hardcover)

I first heard of the term "DL" from two men who are no longer alive. One of them was a lead singer of a very popular 90s R&B group and the other one was a successful brother who was known for being a "lady killer". Both men slept with men and women and in the beginning, neither was really honest about who and what they were about. Also, I live in the ATL and its been said that 4 out of 10 black men are sleeping with men or have slept with men. 4 out of 10 men in the ATL!!! This is almost half the population. Now, I don't have a problem with gay or bisexual men, but I do have a problem with men who are NOT honest with their women (or themselves). Women this book is the first step of protecting ourselves. If we don't look after ourselves, then who will? And please don't think this is only a "black on black" issue. I have two friends (one latina and the other one white) who learned their black boyfriends was on the DL. J.L. is doing us a big favor by writing this book. However, I was disappointed that he hasn't come to terms about himself. He seems very bitter about his situation. You can tell he is resentful and that he doesn't consider himself gay or bisexual, so he is still dealing with his issues. But I applaud him for writing this book. He is saving lives. However, I am very sad. I am sad that after all these many years of pain, struggle and hardships that this is the current situation for the black community. Sad.