Customer Reviews

Dragonard [VHS]

5 star:		(0)
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3 star:		(1)
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Oh god, this movie is horrible... but it's so bad, it's good! Hence the 3 stars! I'm not kidding, there's a chase scene by a river that was so hilariously thrown together I snarffed beer out my nose.

Eartha Kitt and Oliver Reed do what they can to give legitemacy to the story, but really, Eartha clearly did it because she was bored and Reed clearly did it while hungover. Random fact: This was Patrick Warburton's (Seinfeld's 'Puddy, Family Guy's 'Joe Swanson', Venture Bros 'Brock Sampson') first film. When he's not terrorizing a parrot, falling off horses, delivering horrific one-liners, or dressing up as an
Egyptian/Mayan warrior-god, he's hands down the best piece of man-meat the 80's has to offer.

This movie would get my first nomination for a Mystery Science Theater 3000 skit. I'm actually surprised Rhonda Sheer didn't have a brothel scene cameo! Don't bother filling in the plot holes, you'll only do damage to yourself. Grab a 6 pack, recline the Lazy Boy, set the VCR to stun, and enjoy this bit of cinematic craptastic in all of its glory!

Set on a Caribean island in the 1740s, this movie casts a young Patrick Warburton as an exiled Scottish prisoner forced to work as a slave. Warburton doesn't even attempt an accent and thus he seems very much like a 20th-century American wearing clothes from a costume rental shop. Co-stars Oliver Reed and Eartha Kitt fare a bit better but neither one will ever include "Dragonard" on a career resume. The movie does have one distinction, however. At one point Warburton is sentenced to receive 100 lashes and he receives all 100 of them. No editing. no montages. The resulting 3 minute and 50 second sequence must be the longest flogging in screen history and it ranks #6 in the book "Lash! The Hundred Great Scenes of Men Being Whipped in the Movies."