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Drama Kings: The Men Who Drive Strong Women Crazy [Kindle Edition]

Dalma Heyn
3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)

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Book Description

In this field guide to twenty-first century dating, Dalma Heyn gives women the tools they need to find the partners they want

Why are so many strong, vibrant women going out with men who sabotage their strength and vibrancy? In her third book, bestselling author and psychotherapist Dalma Heyn provides the roadmap to lovers she calls “drama kings,” men who, still stuck in the man-centric culture of the twentieth century, are emotionally unavailable to these twenty-first century women.
Drawing on first-person interviews and case stories of real relationships, Heyn helps women identify the men likely to derail relationships, confront their own expectations about love and relationships, and negotiate the minefields of today’s dating world—so that they never again have to choose between having love and staying strong.
This ebook features a new introduction by Dalma Heyn and an illustrated biography including rare photos from the author’s personal collection.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Based on interviews with 100 middle-class women, Heyn (The Erotic Silence of the American Wife) explores yet another classification of dysfunctional males. Drama Kings are defined as men who have remained "[s]tuck in a my-needs-come-first understanding of relationships." According to the author, women are getting stronger while Drama Kings, afraid of attachment and commitment, create scenes that sabotage intimacy. Heyn presents four categories of these losers, but their descriptions sound like old complaints about men forced into new packaging. The Visitor is a loner who believes "the way to a woman's heart is through her genitals." The Proprietor is a jealous bully who demands constant attention. In contrast, the Easy-going Guy makes up fake girlfriends in order to avoid moving forward in a relationship. The Hit and Run Lover pretends to want closeness, but leaves without warning if there is the smallest problem. Heyn's upbeat message is that, although women can be tricked by Drama Kings, they often leave them, emerging stronger from the encounter and ready for an independent life. Self-help devotees may be engaged by the author's anecdotal style, but her stance that she is writing a feminist text to support strong women rather than a simple relationship guide is not fully convincing .
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.


“Strong women, beware. You are more susceptible than most to the advances of the so-called ‘drama kings’—men for whom relationships always devolve into melodrama and rob the strength of the women involved. . . . [Heyn] presents a compelling portrait of the five types of drama kings—toxic personalities all.” —San Francisco Chronicle
“Ms. Heyn has a keen nose for social change. . . . She has detected a plague of drama kings and records their pernicious attributes so that wary women can spot them in time and bar the door.” —The New York Times

Product Details

  • File Size: 707 KB
  • Print Length: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Open Road (February 8, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004KZQKC8
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,180,142 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

3.8 out of 5 stars
3.8 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
35 of 39 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It's Oxygen! November 12, 2005
By amba
I've always believed that one's sharpest criticisms of others are really truest of oneself, and the previous reviewer of this book, Ellie Reasoner, provides a comic example of that. She said that DRAMA KINGS "set off to validate its own agenda and that's what it did." But, actually, that's what SHE did. It looks like she decided in advance what kind of book this is and then didn't bother to read it. Because actually, Dalma Heyn quite agrees with Reasoner. She doesn't remotely "expect a relationship to contain no flaws," she's not recommending trying to "change the behavior of any man," she doesn't claim that ALL men are "Drama Kings," and her bottom line, too, is, "if he's a jerk, get out of the relationship . . . ditch and move on." If you're in your 30s or 40s, strong, independent, eager to be interdependent, and DATING, you'll run into a lot of "drama kings" simply because that's what's left out there. There are plenty of great men, but naturally they're almost all taken!

To me, Heyn's work is oxygen. It's the only place I know where I can still find, in utterly contemporary form, the exhilaration I felt at the very beginning of feminism -- before it got all militant and strident and dogmatic, when it was just pure discovery, and recognition, and expression of the paralyzingly inexpressible. When it was spell-unbinding.

Heyn's first two books were about the mysterious loss of self that women in the 1980s and '90s still often experienced in their relationships with men, especially in marriage. "Marriage Shock" was about the asexual domesticity and dependency that could descend on a vital, independent young woman at the altar or soon after, and its roots in a long-ago historical moment when women's very survival came to depend on pleasing a man.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars 3.50 stars - Been there done that February 14, 2006
At first, I really thought this was going to be a great book. The female author has a great tone and tongue and cheeek way of writing but...its just "okay". It is not deserving of all of the 5-star reviews that I see on here. In a nutshell, "Drama Kings" does not provide enough info on how to identify this behavior or how to disengage yourself from such an individual. Some reviewers seem to think that contents of this book are groundbreaking -- hardly. This book is about commitment-phobic men. It is material that has been covered in a hundred or so other books. This book would be good for a book club reading as it will definitely provoke discussion, however if you are really interested in this topic, I would strongly recommend reading "Men Who Can't Love" by Steven Carter & Julia Sokol.
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16 of 20 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Drama Kings November 3, 2005
"Drama Kings: The Men Who Drive Strong Women Crazy" by Dalma Heyn is a great "can't put down" read, albeit a potentially uncomfortabe one for those women who are currently involved with and feel stuck in a relationship with someone who manifests the signs of a Drama King. Regardless of one's status, I believe that most, if not all women, will recognize the various syndromes, unfortunately, because they no doubt have experienced

the confusion and disappointments that accompany a relationship with a Drama King, regardless of type.

And, while delving into these issues may be neither a welcome or a pleasant diversion (far easier to just ignore the Drama King signs and hunker down with the familiar), the theories set forth in the book will give any woman with some intelligence a wake-up call in terms of evaluating her own dissatisfaction and what she can do to transform it into something positive, which for the healthy woman with self-esteem most likely would lead to termination of the relationship and moving on, whether as an independent, self-sufficient person or in a relationship with a more highly evolved man.

The book may be revolutionary in it analyses but, notwithstanding the discomfort it may potentially create, the read is well worth the effort, regardless of what a woman may elect to do in the future. In my own view, I think that Drama Kings should be read by every young woman about to embark on a relationship because it will give her the appropriate tools with which to assess a potential relationship as well as by those women who are frustrated in their attempts to make their current relationships more satisfying and meaningful. Hopefully, it will become a classic among womens' literature.
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8 of 10 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Some valid info presented February 23, 2006
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
There was some great information in the last two chapters of this book. I wish it started there! There was some valid information throughout the book, but it was presented without empathy and with a feminist twist. Mind you this review is coming from a "feminist"... Too many specific anecdotes... No solutions are presented. No advice for the "right" things to look for are presented - who ISN'T a Drama King? No real answers are given - just negativity about certain types. I certainly agree with most of the opinions, but the book should have been more thorough and deeper... It had potential, with very aware and awakening ideas, but they were never opened up. I was disappointed considering I bought it after reading a great quote from it about society in O Magazine.
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12 of 16 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read! February 14, 2006
Ohmygosh, this book should be a class for high school girls, to save them tears and years of grief. Guys could learn from it as well, on what constitutes a "normal" relationship.

Who among us hasn't said, "She's so terrific--what what's she doing with HIM?"

Dalma Heyn has written a well-researched book about those men who come on like the "perfect man," but within months, the strong women that they have picked start to get it. These men always pick strong women because she is part of his self-fulfilling prophecy.

The book is divided into five Drama King types with stories from women the author has counseled or interviewed. The Kings are:

#1 The Visitor (comes but never really settles in--the guy who shows up for sex but never stays for intimacy);

#2 The Proprietor (who takes over, becomes possessive, etc.);

#3 The Easygoing Guy (EEG) who is fun to be with, to a point;

#4 The Hit-and-Run Lover (needs no explanation); and

#5, the Feeling-Impaired Guy (FIG), who cannot express an emotion, even if his sex life depended on it.

The single women they pick are very smart and successful--many too busy to have a full-time relationship, so initially these guys are a perfect fit.

These men are smart, cunning and calculating--and at the same time out of control of their emotions. Each King kind leaves his strong woman--and always for a reason that "fits his type."

These men are wounded and damaged, and ladies remember, it's not your job to heal them. They lack the heartbreaking ability to be what the woman wants him to be--and that is usually someone else's fault.

Each chapter ends with Tell Tale Signs; Myths About...; Why You Were Taken in; and What You Learned from Him.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Empowering
Ladies, I suggest you purchase this book! It is very empowering! The author identifies the different types of drama kings, and also
several ladies share their personal... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Phenomenal
5.0 out of 5 stars yup, that's him!
If you are a strong woman, or at least hope that you are one, read this book!
The category form of description of each of these types of men, makes for much better reading... Read more
Published 10 months ago by Joyce Holter-Collins
5.0 out of 5 stars Too bad I hadn't read this BEFORE I got married....
Dalma - I so enjoyed your book & just wish I had read it years ago before I got married (then divorced) from a guy who so took advantage of my strength & sapped it all out of me. Read more
Published on August 30, 2011 by Marketing Maven
1.0 out of 5 stars Don't waste your money on this book-it's all about blame
How many stumbling blocks can you put in front of single consumer women? With divorce and breakups of family increasing, men are feeling left out. Read more
Published on December 31, 2006 by Professor Tzaddik
1.0 out of 5 stars Rubber device, often nipple shaped, for a baby to suck...
These types of books are not constructive. They are simply pacifiers for adults. The title alone indicates that, "Ladies, finger at the ready, now point and repeat after me -... Read more
Published on February 28, 2006 by A. B. Rodes
5.0 out of 5 stars He's Just Not That Into You... or maybe he's a Drama King
Some of the push-pull male behavior in Behrendt's "He's Just Not That Into You" went beyond mere disinterest and entered the realm of pathology. Read more
Published on January 6, 2006 by Avid Reader
5.0 out of 5 stars I've given this book to my friends!
Ever been in a relationship which is going nowhere, you don't know why and you just wish someone could give you some answers? Heyn's book is it! Read more
Published on November 28, 2005 by B. Marek
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Guidebook for the Single Woman
This book is right on the mark with describing how to tell if the man your dating or thinking of dating is a "Drama King". Read more
Published on November 24, 2005 by L. perry
2.0 out of 5 stars Practically Imperfect In Every Way
What do I have to say about this book? A lot! What did I think of it? Let's find out.

I found some of the statistics on the percentage of Americans who never marry, who... Read more
Published on November 11, 2005 by Dai-keag-ity
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More About the Author

Dalma Heyn is the author of number of bestselling books: The Erotic Silence of The American Wife;  Marriage Shock: The Transformation of Women into Wives; and Drama Kings: The Men Who Drive Strong Women Crazy; and most recently, she is the co-author, with her husband Richard Marek, of A Godsend: A Love Story For Grownups. Her books have been published worldwide and translated into 34 languages.

Dalma Heyn is a psychotherapist, a speaker, and a passionate advocate for women. Her books investigate the deepest places in our culture and our psyches to reveal the truth of women's experience, rather than reporting on how their experience is interpreted or judged.  Dalma listens to  women, rather than to what experts, or the culture, say about women.  Readers feel the difference.

In Dalma's own words: "For many years I've written books in which women express their deepest feelings about the tricky and often paralyzing negotiation between intimacy and self; between pleasure and pleasing. My books, both nonfiction and fiction, look at an evolving culture and its new choices for women; and the evolving women who are expressing a bold new vision for the place of love, marriage, spirituality and accomplishment in their lives."

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