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Duct Tape Parenting: A Less Is More Approach to Raising Respectful, Responsible, and Resilient Kids Paperback


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Duct Tape Parenting: A Less Is More Approach to Raising Respectful, Responsible, and Resilient Kids + How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk + The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Bibliomotion; 1st edition (August 21, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1937134180
  • ISBN-13: 978-1937134181
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.6 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (107 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #19,623 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

“Parenting books are like diet books: They work for a while and then you're back to blimpdom. Duct Tape Parenting seems like something else – an idea that's workable for the long run, because, at base, it believes in the kids themselves.” (Lenore Skenazy, founder of the book and blog, Free-Range Kids)

 

Duct Tape Parenting is for every parent who's grown tired of picking up after the kids, taming sibling squabbles, and doing all the work around the house. In an age of overly involved parents, Vicki Hoefle offers a battle cry of sanity. I read her book in one weekend, immediately put her wisdom to use, and saw results right away. I was stunned. If you want to change the dynamic in your household and nurture self-reliant, thoughtful, and resilient children, read this book.”  (Katherine Ozment, contributing editor and weekly columnist for Boston Magazine)

 

"Vicki Hoefle does an amazing job in Duct Tape Parenting of providing relatable, helpful advice. Her approach is unique and extremely thought provoking. This is a must-read for parents who are tired of advice that does not work and need a re-charge for their families." (Vanessa Van Petten, author, RadicalParenting.com)

 

“In this gem of a book, Vicki Hoefle gives parents a commonsense approach to raising respectful, responsible and resilient children. Her lighthearted, down to earth manner helps parents clarify their goals for their families, understand the roots of behavior and develop a path to creating a happy, healthy and supportive family life.” (Amy Lew, PhD, author of Raising Kids Who Can)

“The most important family dynamic that we have achieved as a result of Vicki Hoefle’s approach is one of mutual respect. We feel like a team, like four people who can depend upon each other. This book is a must-read for any family who is looking to create a supportive unit built on honesty and trust.” (Katy Smith Abbott, Dean of Students & Assistant Professor of the History of Art and Architecture, Middlebury College)

“An informative and irreverent guide, this book is a must-read for anyone who wants to raise resilient, problem-solving children.  Vicki Hoefle offers a Goldilocks way forward: not too much parenting, not too little, just right.”  (Craig Idlebrook, writer and parent-educator with the Boot Camp for New Dads Project. www.bootcampfordads.org)

 

“If you are interested in more positive family relationships and raising capable children who will courageously step into adulthood, take the opportunity to read this book. It is never too late to change your life.”  (Cindy Pierce, mother, innkeeper, comic, author of Finding the Doorbell, Sexual Satisfaction for the Long Haul)

 

“This is a must-read for every parent, parent educator, and teacher. The exercises help you identify the problem and the little reminders tell you exactly what to do (‘putting on the duct tape’), when to do, and why to do. As a counselor and educator, I recommend this book wholeheartedly to every parent and any individual who works with children. The ideas are so applicable, that I will use some of them in my classes, even at the graduate level! And as a parent my duct tape is ready…finally.” (Bengu Erguner-Tekinalp, PhD, assistant professor, Counselor Education, Drake University)

 

Rarely does a book come along that offers parents solid information about why a parenting style is so important, tools and tips that make it easy to try, and inspiration that keeps us afloat as we find our way. Vicki Hoefle is the real deal. She’s parented five kids and taught thousands of parents with this approach. This book should definitely be on the top of your stack!” (Dina Emser, Certified Positive Discipline Lead Trainer, author of Roadmap to Success and Trusting the Fortune Within)

 

"Hoefle's straightforward approach to empowering our children debunks the parenting myths that often cause unnecessary stressors that are all too common within families. Her techniques and highly identifiable case studies demonstrate that it is possible for parents to have mutually respectful relationships with their children, while lovingly engaging with them and providing the knowledge that builds their abilities, confidence and independence." (Dawn Lyons, freelance writer & editor, teen consultant & advocate, www.linesbylyons.com)

 

Review

"Parenting books are like diet books: They work for a while and then you're back to blimpdom. Duct Tape Parenting seems like something else - an idea that's workable for the long run, because, at base, it believes in the kids themselves." (Lenore Skenazy, founder of the book and blog, Free-Range Kids)

"[Hoefle’s] conjuncture that a misbehaving child is a discouraged child carries the weight of truth. By letting kids work out their own kinks, parents will have more time in the long run to enjoy their children and the parenting journey." – Library Journal, August 2013

More About the Author

Vicki is a professional parent educator and mother of five, living in Middlebury, Vermont.

Vicki Hoefle began teaching more than 20 years ago, while running a daycare center in Seattle, WA. Parents consistently praised her approach with their children, and wanted to bring her tools and understanding of children home. From this need, Vicki created a six-week parenting class. Two decades and thousands of success stories later, Vicki continues to share her parenting tips and techniques with families across the country. She combines expertise in Adlerian Psychology with a suite of actionable, time-tested tools. Her informative and highly engaging presentation style keeps her in demand as a speaker, facilitator and educator.

Raising children is perhaps the most complex, challenging task parents will ever face--and, with the right guidance, the most rewarding. While it's true that parenting often relies on instinct, there are techniques that can help every parent, parent from their best. For the past 20 years, Vicki has developed and promoted successful strategies and approaches that help create healthy, lasting and productive relationships with children.

Professional Highlights

Member of NASAP, North American Society of Adlerian Psychology
Member of ICF, International Coaching Federation
Strategic Partner to the Adler International Learning
Completed ICASSI training at Wheaton College
Workshop presenter at the Florida Adlerian Society Conference


Current Spotlights:

Founder of Parenting On Track™ Home & Educator Programs
Keynote speaker and parenting expert
Parent and Family Communication Coach
Alltop-listed blogger


Parenting On Track™ is a proactive, sustainable parenting strategy based on Adlerian Psychology. From eliminating "useless" behaviors such as whining and power struggles, to showing children that they are capable and important members of the family, the Parenting On Track™ program provides parents with tools to create a respectful and peaceful family life. The program was recently awarded "Seals of Approval" from both PTPA (Parent Tested, Parent Approved) Media Inc., and from The Baby Planners.

Customer Reviews

I recommend this book to all parents.
MidwifeMama
I will continue to use and be thankful for Vicki's strategies as I raise my own family, and I will give this book as a gift to EVERY new parent I know.
Jennifer
Reading her book is like being in her class again.
Iain

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Jennifer on August 11, 2012
Format: Paperback
The theories, practices and strategies taught in Duct Tape Parenting and the Parenting on Track program are the most sensible, eye-opening, heart-opening, family-building I ever received as a parent. In fact, I wish I had access to Vicki's insights and advice about two years PRIOR to having kids because, as logical as it all is, it takes time for us "old dogs" to learn new tricks -- which usually means UN-learning parenting ideas and behavior we "inherited" from our parents. But alas, it's never too late -- my kids were 6 and 8 when I was first exposed to Parenting on Track and the more they responded to being acknowledged and trusted (rather than nagged and parent-steered) the easier it became for me to keep my mouth shut (not that I'm successful all the time, by any means!)

Adlerian psychology forms the basis of this parenting approach and the two key pieces as it relates to parenting that I try to hold on to on a daily basis are:
1. Never do for a child what they can do for themselves
2. As a parent, my role is to teach and train my children and to not pass judgement as they figure things out in their own unique way.

Much easier said than done, but throughout the book Vicki explains (with a lot of wit) the psychological basis and, more importantly, practical strategies to enable these things to happen. It is these strategies-- from family meeting, to "road maps to success," to giving allowance, to problem boards, to rights and responsibilities -- that are the heart and soul of the approach. Some are easier to implement than others (I've found) and Vicki will say each needs to be adapted to the specific dynamic of the family. But it is clear how each one holds vast potential for the positive effect it can have on every family member.

I will continue to use and be thankful for Vicki's strategies as I raise my own family, and I will give this book as a gift to EVERY new parent I know.
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23 of 25 people found the following review helpful By Flockmother on August 18, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I'm camped out in a shopping mall right now with my copy of Duct Tape Parenting and I'm so glad because my 10-year-old just ran up to me and cried, "I lost my wallet! I had it under my arm and now it's gone!"

Instead of pouring salt in the wound with a "How could you...?/Why didn't you...?" lecture, I was able to just listen and recognize the situation for what it is: an invaluable mistake that she will never forget. Like the book says, "Mistakes are arguably the easiest and most efficient way for kids to learn to cooperate, take personal responsibility, practice time management, develop organizational skills, become resilient, and develop the mental muscle that will come in handy as their lives become more challenging and difficult in the years to come."

I know she had her whole savings in that wallet. And I know she'll be a lot more careful with it next time without one word about it from me. Now, back to reading...
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11 of 13 people found the following review helpful By ExLibris on August 4, 2013
Format: Paperback
So, I have a two year old and this book is focused on giving older children ( 7 and up) more responsibility. The advice is for getting kids to clean themselves and the house and leave for school on Time. Way beyond my current situation. There is no advice for common toddler issues like biting, hitting, saying no. Just a vague "ignore bad behavior". It was slightly helpful in that she convinced me I want to raise an independent minded child.
The author is repetitive in her use of problem behaviors ( cleaning and leaving for school), long winded in her description of how important and helpful her method is with little explanation of a particular method. She presents several principals and issues in the first three chapters and doesn't explain how to handle each situation until the final chapters, long after you have read (and forgotten ) the principles and situations she is referring back toward. Also, she quotes herself at the beginning of every chapter " blah blah blah" -Vicki Hoefle. You don't put your words in quotes in a book you author it is pretentious and redundant. Just make the quote the first sentence in the chapter, jeez.
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24 of 31 people found the following review helpful By Kristen Belford on May 8, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Waste of time and money. Incomplete stories. Kiss your kids butt? Kid throws a tantrum in the store? Your going for ice cream. Kid destroys pillows on the couch in a screaming rage? Start baking cookies! Get real. I have 5 kids. All are very self sufficient and respectful. The oldest is awful with completing and turning in homework. We "duct taped" ourself and within one month all the grades dropped to D's and F's. When we finally stepped in to address this he said "Everything was great when you guys left me alone, you're the only one who's not ok with getting D's and F's, I'm fine with it." This book set us back. It address the problem very clearly, but doesn't offer much to fix, other than shut up and watch what happens. When the worst happens, then what? That chapters missing.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful By Caroline on August 19, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Vicki Hoefle, through her parenting program, Parenting on Track, and her book, Duct Tape Parenting, guides parents and those who offer direct services to families down a life-altering path toward peace. Vicki is changing the world one parent, one child, one family at a time.
Pre-Vicki, I was preoccupied with how my family looked on the outside. Was my kid the bully? What did my sons' behaviors and choices say about them or about me as their mother? If my five year old hit me in public, my response came from a place of anger, shame, worry, self-doubt. I might grab whatever he hit me with. I might yell. I might lecture. Post-Vicki, though, I take a deep breath. I enjoy my kids instead of enduring them. I realize that my sons' worth is not the sum of their actions. I see "misbehavior" as an opportunity to learn, to change course, to reconnect with my boys. There is work to do. A lot of work to do. But, change comes not from the reaction but from the preventative actions taken to connect with our kids and help them grow into the people they were meant to be.
Parenting is as timeless as human civilization. In an age where bestsellers include titles such as Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety (Judith Warner 2/7/2006) and Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (Amy Chua 1/11/2011), we continue to be a culture obsessed with getting it right by our kids and, more precisely, discerning what "right" is. With so many "expert" voices to turn to, how do parents determine what program, book, or philosophy might really hold the answer to how to cultivate and maintain deep, connected relationships with their children? No matter how busy our lives become, no matter how constant the stream of external influences, parenting remains one of the most important jobs to do well.
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