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Duct Tape Parenting: A Less Is More Approach to Raising Respectful, Responsible, and Resilient Kids Paperback – August 21, 2012
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“Parenting books are like diet books: They work for a while and then you're back to blimpdom. Duct Tape Parenting seems like something else – an idea that's workable for the long run, because, at base, it believes in the kids themselves.” (Lenore Skenazy, founder of the book and blog, Free-Range Kids)
“Duct Tape Parenting is for every parent who's grown tired of picking up after the kids, taming sibling squabbles, and doing all the work around the house. In an age of overly involved parents, Vicki Hoefle offers a battle cry of sanity. I read her book in one weekend, immediately put her wisdom to use, and saw results right away. I was stunned. If you want to change the dynamic in your household and nurture self-reliant, thoughtful, and resilient children, read this book.” (Katherine Ozment, contributing editor and weekly columnist for Boston Magazine)
"Vicki Hoefle does an amazing job in Duct Tape Parenting of providing relatable, helpful advice. Her approach is unique and extremely thought provoking. This is a must-read for parents who are tired of advice that does not work and need a re-charge for their families." (Vanessa Van Petten, author, RadicalParenting.com)
“In this gem of a book, Vicki Hoefle gives parents a commonsense approach to raising respectful, responsible and resilient children. Her lighthearted, down to earth manner helps parents clarify their goals for their families, understand the roots of behavior and develop a path to creating a happy, healthy and supportive family life.” (Amy Lew, PhD, author of Raising Kids Who Can)
“The most important family dynamic that we have achieved as a result of Vicki Hoefle’s approach is one of mutual respect. We feel like a team, like four people who can depend upon each other. This book is a must-read for any family who is looking to create a supportive unit built on honesty and trust.” (Katy Smith Abbott, Dean of Students & Assistant Professor of the History of Art and Architecture, Middlebury College)
“An informative and irreverent guide, this book is a must-read for anyone who wants to raise resilient, problem-solving children. Vicki Hoefle offers a Goldilocks way forward: not too much parenting, not too little, just right.” (Craig Idlebrook, writer and parent-educator with the Boot Camp for New Dads Project. www.bootcampfordads.org)
“If you are interested in more positive family relationships and raising capable children who will courageously step into adulthood, take the opportunity to read this book. It is never too late to change your life.” (Cindy Pierce, mother, innkeeper, comic, author of Finding the Doorbell, Sexual Satisfaction for the Long Haul)
“This is a must-read for every parent, parent educator, and teacher. The exercises help you identify the problem and the little reminders tell you exactly what to do (‘putting on the duct tape’), when to do, and why to do. As a counselor and educator, I recommend this book wholeheartedly to every parent and any individual who works with children. The ideas are so applicable, that I will use some of them in my classes, even at the graduate level! And as a parent my duct tape is ready…finally.” (Bengu Erguner-Tekinalp, PhD, assistant professor, Counselor Education, Drake University)
“Rarely does a book come along that offers parents solid information about why a parenting style is so important, tools and tips that make it easy to try, and inspiration that keeps us afloat as we find our way. Vicki Hoefle is the real deal. She’s parented five kids and taught thousands of parents with this approach. This book should definitely be on the top of your stack!” (Dina Emser, Certified Positive Discipline Lead Trainer, author of Roadmap to Success and Trusting the Fortune Within)
"Hoefle's straightforward approach to empowering our children debunks the parenting myths that often cause unnecessary stressors that are all too common within families. Her techniques and highly identifiable case studies demonstrate that it is possible for parents to have mutually respectful relationships with their children, while lovingly engaging with them and providing the knowledge that builds their abilities, confidence and independence." (Dawn Lyons, freelance writer & editor, teen consultant & advocate, www.linesbylyons.com)
More About the Author
Vicki Hoefle began teaching more than 20 years ago, while running a daycare center in Seattle, WA. Parents consistently praised her approach with their children, and wanted to bring her tools and understanding of children home. From this need, Vicki created a six-week parenting class. Two decades and thousands of success stories later, Vicki continues to share her parenting tips and techniques with families across the country. She combines expertise in Adlerian Psychology with a suite of actionable, time-tested tools. Her informative and highly engaging presentation style keeps her in demand as a speaker, facilitator and educator.
Raising children is perhaps the most complex, challenging task parents will ever face--and, with the right guidance, the most rewarding. While it's true that parenting often relies on instinct, there are techniques that can help every parent, parent from their best. For the past 20 years, Vicki has developed and promoted successful strategies and approaches that help create healthy, lasting and productive relationships with children.
Member of NASAP, North American Society of Adlerian Psychology
Member of ICF, International Coaching Federation
Strategic Partner to the Adler International Learning
Completed ICASSI training at Wheaton College
Workshop presenter at the Florida Adlerian Society Conference
Founder of Parenting On Track™ Home & Educator Programs
Keynote speaker and parenting expert
Parent and Family Communication Coach
Parenting On Track™ is a proactive, sustainable parenting strategy based on Adlerian Psychology. From eliminating "useless" behaviors such as whining and power struggles, to showing children that they are capable and important members of the family, the Parenting On Track™ program provides parents with tools to create a respectful and peaceful family life. The program was recently awarded "Seals of Approval" from both PTPA (Parent Tested, Parent Approved) Media Inc., and from The Baby Planners.
Top Customer Reviews
Adlerian psychology forms the basis of this parenting approach and the two key pieces as it relates to parenting that I try to hold on to on a daily basis are:
1. Never do for a child what they can do for themselves
2. As a parent, my role is to teach and train my children and to not pass judgement as they figure things out in their own unique way.
Much easier said than done, but throughout the book Vicki explains (with a lot of wit) the psychological basis and, more importantly, practical strategies to enable these things to happen. It is these strategies-- from family meeting, to "road maps to success," to giving allowance, to problem boards, to rights and responsibilities -- that are the heart and soul of the approach. Some are easier to implement than others (I've found) and Vicki will say each needs to be adapted to the specific dynamic of the family. But it is clear how each one holds vast potential for the positive effect it can have on every family member.
I will continue to use and be thankful for Vicki's strategies as I raise my own family, and I will give this book as a gift to EVERY new parent I know.
Instead of pouring salt in the wound with a "How could you...?/Why didn't you...?" lecture, I was able to just listen and recognize the situation for what it is: an invaluable mistake that she will never forget. Like the book says, "Mistakes are arguably the easiest and most efficient way for kids to learn to cooperate, take personal responsibility, practice time management, develop organizational skills, become resilient, and develop the mental muscle that will come in handy as their lives become more challenging and difficult in the years to come."
I know she had her whole savings in that wallet. And I know she'll be a lot more careful with it next time without one word about it from me. Now, back to reading...
The bottom line for me is that I realized later after doing more reading of other authors is that this type of book was not what I was looking for. It didn't jive with the parenting style that feels right to me. I don't believe that there can be a method for MAKING your kid do whatever you want them to do without looking in the mirror and realizing how you act and what you do could be making them act in the way that they are. Kids are just little sponges and they follow what you're modeling. I think instead of trying to distract your kid from their experience, maybe instead find out what is happening with your child, empathizing with their emotions and validating their experience. This could create a better bond and lasting results. I'm not making this stuff up, I just found some other authors who are more holistic in their approach. I am not expecting to convince the author that she is wrong or expect her to see anyone's opinion other than her own, I just want to give my opinion and let people know what I found out so they can make an informed decision on whether or not to purchase this book.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I have to admit, at first read, I didn't quite understand how to apply some of the ideas in this book. Read morePublished 29 days ago by kmhsellers
GREAT book. Great great book. Just read it, or listen to the audio book. This is: Worth. Every. Penny. Read morePublished 2 months ago by S. Frazee
We are so excited to start this way of life. For so many year have we looked for answers on how to create a better relationship and environment for our kids; to give them the... Read morePublished 4 months ago by David R Anderton
I actually checked the book out at the local library (on tape -- listening to it while driving to work) and found myself laughing to tears when I heard Vicki described the scenes... Read morePublished 6 months ago by DcMom
Very helpful.Very accurate. Great advice, that I found very useful in my parenting of my three boys. It helped realise the importance of making them more independent. Read morePublished 7 months ago by Amazon Customer
This book is awesome because it's not about a quick fix. I googled the author and am now taking a class on how to have family meetings and it is helping in a very practical way. Read morePublished 9 months ago by Robyn K.
From the Indian scenario perspective, everything might not be true as we live in a joint family and our kids don't leave us at the age of 18. Read morePublished 10 months ago by Ripu Daman Singh
I couldn't recommend this book any more highly! I don't understand why this book isn't being passed on to every parent of a newborn (or at least, every parent of a two-year old!). Read morePublished 11 months ago by livemoreleader