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Dumped: Stories of Women Unfriending Women Paperback – March 3, 2015

4.7 out of 5 stars 37 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews


Dumped touches a nerve from page one. It touches on a subject that all women know too well, yet is complicated and painful to articulate: the mourning, and sometimes redemption, that comes from being dumped by a sister-like friend. For every woman who has ever drowned her sorrows in a pint of ice cream over the loss of a close friend―or simply needs to know she is not alone―this book is for her.”
—Elisa Batista, publisher of MotherTalkers.com, a Daily Kos community

“This remarkable collection provides an exhilarating range of voices exploring what happens when female friendships falter. Wise, compassionate, and smart, each of these essays is a revelation. Give your best friend a copy along with a warm, thankful hug.”
—Dinty W. Moore, author of The Mindful Writer

“I think Nina Gaby should be handed best collection of the year for this brilliant, charming, heart-breaking, truth-telling, soul-bearing extraordinary book. I defy any woman to not identify with at least one of the stories. My god, there is nothing worse than when a woman―a friend―breaks your heart because you don't know where to go to pick up those broken pieces. I myself have been dumped by more women than I care to share or say (out loud), but let me say that this little book, this magical WOManifesto, is a priceless babe-bible for all women. Ann Hood broke my heart in pieces, left me on the floor; Judith Podell slayed me; and Jacquelyn Mitchard had me at some friendships die by negligent homicide. Each writer is stunning, each story worthy, each friendship tale―universal. Every woman should own this book. This isn't a loaner book, this is a keeper book. A loaner book you may never get back, a keeper book stays right on the night table reminding you that we are all imperfectly perfect creatures who sometimes lose keys, lose our marbles, and lose friends.”
—Amy Ferris, author of Marrying George Clooney

“This very honest, very human, and often very hilarious book made me laugh, cry, nod, squirm, and think anew about friendships gone by. Big applause to Nina Gaby, and all the contributors, for crystallizing so finely the inescapable life experience that is the end of a friendship.”
—Suzanne Strempek Shea, author of This Is Paradise: An Irish Mother's Grief, and African Village's Plight, and the Medical Clinic That Brought Fresh Hope to Both

“The essays in Dumped are ferocious and loving, devastating and hopeful, insightful and perplexing. A savage, thorny look at friendship . . . and a rare, uncensored, sometimes terrifying glimpse into the female psyche.”
—Neil White, author of In the Sanctuary of Outcasts and publisher

About the Author

Nina Gaby is a writer, award-winning visual artist, and psychiatric nurse practitioner. Her essays can be found in collections by Creative Non Fiction, Seal Press, Wising-Up Press and several periodicals. Her fiction and flash poems have been published in Lilith Magazine, The Prose-Poem Project, and two short-story collections by Paper Journey Press, She is a guest blogger on Brevity.com and contributes to other sites including her own, www.ninagaby.com.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 217 pages
  • Publisher: She Writes Press (March 3, 2015)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1631529544
  • ISBN-13: 978-1631529542
  • Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.6 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #853,601 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
The moment my college attending daughter (an English Lit major) saw this book on the counter, she asked, have you ever been dumped by a friend? I knew her answer -- having lived it with her a few short years ago. And an interesting, insightful conversation began. How far back did I want to go? Grade school, high school, college...sigh. Reading Dumped: Stories of Women Unfriending Woman has been a bit of a, 'time wounds all heals' moment for me. Reliving the her-stories we all share. What makes a popular girl, a mean girl, a true blue friendship fall apart like the birth of wounded stars. All I know is this, it made things less painful for my daughter, realizing, she was not and is not alone in this curious, painful experience. My eyes are shining. Read this book. Share it with your daughters, your sisters and girlfriends. Amen.

Author of 'benediction for a black swan'
Poems by Mimi Zollars
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Format: Kindle Edition
Nina Gaby has curated women's essays on this provocative, under-discussed topic: how girls - and later, women -- befriend, become intimate, inseparable even, and then one of them bails. The dumper rarely does it with explanation or grace. The dumpee is left stunned, hurt, humiliated, and perversely bereft of that very dear friend she is accumstomed to confiding in.
One of life's great mysteries is what's up with the dumpers? When approached, decades later, none of them seem to acknowledge having dumped the friend. The stories they tell themselves would be interesting to hear, too - perhaps the next book, Nina Gaby?
Having been through this a few times, while I approached Gaby's collection with eager anticipation and curiosity, I was not without dread. What old crap was going to be dredged up by these stories? They are achingly, beautifully told. Each writer shares the rejection and then her self-narrative about the rejection, and the lack of resolution that haunts women their whole lives long. That these female writers generously and candidly share their experience is by itself reassuring and heartwarming. It happens.
It did bring up some old experiences, but with the lens of time, I am much more able to see how I set myself up for rejection in friendships by being Lady Bountiful, all give and little expectation. I picked needy friends because I needed to be needed. I was lonely. I didn't really know how to make adult friends and having moved thousands of miles from my home turf, switched colleges, and married young, I missed young adult women's bonding. Once i learned to take friendships slower and be more self-protective, I am happy to say this stopped being a pattern. But when I was experiencing it, I was outraged and incredibly hurt.
I recommend this book for anyone who has ever had an adored friend turn on them. In other words - every woman in the world!
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Despite the fact that this compilation stings - you'll revisit old hurts, or wince at your own past bad behavior - the quality of the writing is so good that it's a pleasure to read. And there's considerable humor here as well (Melody Breyer-Grell is flat-out hilarious). The piece by Penny Guisinger I found particularly compelling. For the most part I forgot the thesis of the book and simply enjoyed getting to know all the women in these pages - I wanted to "friend" them all! Nina Gaby has done a fabulous job of shining the spotlight on female friendship.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
When I first came upon this title on a Facebook feed, I stopped in my digital tracks. Did I really want to read about and wallow in the breakup of "besties?" Since childhood, I've had best friends who were closer to me than sisters or spouses. For women, best friends are another kind of "significant other," and when you lose your best friend, the grief is as debilitating as a death in the family. However, when such a relationship comes to its often mystifying end, no one brings you a casserole, sends you a sympathy card, or takes you out to laugh about how you're better off now. You're left floating alone on your wreck, drifting out to sea on an undertow of dread that you are somehow flawed, otherwise your best friend wouldn't have dumped you. And the truth is, now you ARE damaged--because your best friend dumped you.

Women's monumental friendships are given cultural mole-hill status. Therefore, we speak little of our losses and aren't sure how to handle ourselves, let alone comfort a friend who's going through it. When you lose a best friend, you've lost the very person who would've helped you put your shattered self back together and helped you comprehend the incomprehensible. The research, Gaby tells us in the introduction, shows that when a best friend erases you, you find yourself "without context, possibly without worth." You suffer "ensuing depression and isolation." And that is why this is such an important book.

Remembering the lonely aftermath of bestie-loss, I ordered the book. I'm glad did. I kept company with twenty-five awesome essayists confiding about best friends loved and lost. I'm grateful to the brave Nina Gaby for putting this nerve-rattling collection together. Lindsey Kemp curdled my blood with "The Hate Note.
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Format: Paperback
Until I read this book, I would have told you I'd been dumped. But in these pages the distinction between friendships that just fade away and those that involve dumping is very clear. What I have known in my life is friendships that slowly disappeared, mostly because other people moved away. There have been some where our interests slowly diverged and we lost touch, though we remain cordial on the occasional accidental meeting. The best advice in those cases is to treasure the memories. But dumped is a whole different thing. I have never been dumped.

Being dumped involves the cruel verbal confrontation or written note that says, in effect, "I don't want to be your friend anymore." In one instance here, a high school boy (must have been dimwitted) is the messenger for a group of girls: he delivers the dumpee's first kiss (rather woodenly) and then says, "F*&% off." High school girls can be among the cruelest. Dumping may also involve that sudden, unexplained silence: the refusal to return phone calls or emails, to communicate in any way. The dumpee is left, sometimes desperately, trying to figure out what she did wrong. Note that is almost always the conclusion, "What did I do wrong?" While I was reading this, there was a Facebook post, with a picture of Madelyn Albright, about how women must support women. In the discussion thread I mentioned that I was reading this book, and several women responded that they could never read it. They had been dumped, and reading the book would bring back the pain.

I believe however that they are the very women who should read this book, for insight into what happened to them and what happens all too often to too many women. Yes, there is a world of hurt in these pages, but there is also a world of insight.
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