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Dumped: Stories of Women Unfriending Women Paperback – March 3, 2015
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—Elisa Batista, publisher of MotherTalkers.com, a Daily Kos community
“This remarkable collection provides an exhilarating range of voices exploring what happens when female friendships falter. Wise, compassionate, and smart, each of these essays is a revelation. Give your best friend a copy along with a warm, thankful hug.”
—Dinty W. Moore, author of The Mindful Writer
“I think Nina Gaby should be handed best collection of the year for this brilliant, charming, heart-breaking, truth-telling, soul-bearing extraordinary book. I defy any woman to not identify with at least one of the stories. My god, there is nothing worse than when a woman―a friend―breaks your heart because you don't know where to go to pick up those broken pieces. I myself have been dumped by more women than I care to share or say (out loud), but let me say that this little book, this magical WOManifesto, is a priceless babe-bible for all women. Ann Hood broke my heart in pieces, left me on the floor; Judith Podell slayed me; and Jacquelyn Mitchard had me at some friendships die by negligent homicide. Each writer is stunning, each story worthy, each friendship tale―universal. Every woman should own this book. This isn't a loaner book, this is a keeper book. A loaner book you may never get back, a keeper book stays right on the night table reminding you that we are all imperfectly perfect creatures who sometimes lose keys, lose our marbles, and lose friends.”
—Amy Ferris, author of Marrying George Clooney
“This very honest, very human, and often very hilarious book made me laugh, cry, nod, squirm, and think anew about friendships gone by. Big applause to Nina Gaby, and all the contributors, for crystallizing so finely the inescapable life experience that is the end of a friendship.”
—Suzanne Strempek Shea, author of This Is Paradise: An Irish Mother's Grief, and African Village's Plight, and the Medical Clinic That Brought Fresh Hope to Both
“The essays in Dumped are ferocious and loving, devastating and hopeful, insightful and perplexing. A savage, thorny look at friendship . . . and a rare, uncensored, sometimes terrifying glimpse into the female psyche.”
—Neil White, author of In the Sanctuary of Outcasts and publisher
About the Author
Top Customer Reviews
Author of 'benediction for a black swan'
Poems by Mimi Zollars
One of life's great mysteries is what's up with the dumpers? When approached, decades later, none of them seem to acknowledge having dumped the friend. The stories they tell themselves would be interesting to hear, too - perhaps the next book, Nina Gaby?
Having been through this a few times, while I approached Gaby's collection with eager anticipation and curiosity, I was not without dread. What old crap was going to be dredged up by these stories? They are achingly, beautifully told. Each writer shares the rejection and then her self-narrative about the rejection, and the lack of resolution that haunts women their whole lives long. That these female writers generously and candidly share their experience is by itself reassuring and heartwarming. It happens.
It did bring up some old experiences, but with the lens of time, I am much more able to see how I set myself up for rejection in friendships by being Lady Bountiful, all give and little expectation. I picked needy friends because I needed to be needed. I was lonely. I didn't really know how to make adult friends and having moved thousands of miles from my home turf, switched colleges, and married young, I missed young adult women's bonding. Once i learned to take friendships slower and be more self-protective, I am happy to say this stopped being a pattern. But when I was experiencing it, I was outraged and incredibly hurt.
I recommend this book for anyone who has ever had an adored friend turn on them. In other words - every woman in the world!
Women's monumental friendships are given cultural mole-hill status. Therefore, we speak little of our losses and aren't sure how to handle ourselves, let alone comfort a friend who's going through it. When you lose a best friend, you've lost the very person who would've helped you put your shattered self back together and helped you comprehend the incomprehensible. The research, Gaby tells us in the introduction, shows that when a best friend erases you, you find yourself "without context, possibly without worth." You suffer "ensuing depression and isolation." And that is why this is such an important book.
Remembering the lonely aftermath of bestie-loss, I ordered the book. I'm glad did. I kept company with twenty-five awesome essayists confiding about best friends loved and lost. I'm grateful to the brave Nina Gaby for putting this nerve-rattling collection together. Lindsey Kemp curdled my blood with "The Hate Note.Read more ›
Being dumped involves the cruel verbal confrontation or written note that says, in effect, "I don't want to be your friend anymore." In one instance here, a high school boy (must have been dimwitted) is the messenger for a group of girls: he delivers the dumpee's first kiss (rather woodenly) and then says, "F*&% off." High school girls can be among the cruelest. Dumping may also involve that sudden, unexplained silence: the refusal to return phone calls or emails, to communicate in any way. The dumpee is left, sometimes desperately, trying to figure out what she did wrong. Note that is almost always the conclusion, "What did I do wrong?" While I was reading this, there was a Facebook post, with a picture of Madelyn Albright, about how women must support women. In the discussion thread I mentioned that I was reading this book, and several women responded that they could never read it. They had been dumped, and reading the book would bring back the pain.
I believe however that they are the very women who should read this book, for insight into what happened to them and what happens all too often to too many women. Yes, there is a world of hurt in these pages, but there is also a world of insight.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Heartbreaking....everyone has been a dumpee or a dumper. I appreciated how people were willing to be so brutally honest.Published 3 days ago by Rc
Excellent well laid out book on women who have been dumped by their friends. One of the best books that I have read on this topic. Read morePublished 20 days ago by Moira Lauren
A collection of first-hand accounts of being unfriended, and not the Facebook kind. More like being full-on, unceremoniously discarded by someone from whom you never in a million... Read morePublished 1 month ago by Laurie Prim
From the very first story I was hooked. There is great writing in here that every one of us can relate to. I really enjoyed this book.Published 3 months ago by musha
Some of the essays were hard to read because they touched a nerve and made me feel so sad. But I mostly felt relief... Read morePublished 5 months ago by Lucy
A stellar collection of literary essays about the pain and mystery of lost relationships. Two will be particularly hard for me to forget: (1) Suzanne Herman's chillingly poetic... Read morePublished 6 months ago by S. Word
It was almost comforting to know that the "freeze" from other women was not to me alone. It's good to know that this is just the nature of life and friendships.Published 6 months ago by Alexandra
I was a reluctant reader, wondering why anyone would collect stories about being dumped by friends. Now I get it. Read morePublished 11 months ago by TFH
Each of the stories, told by women looking back on a confusing and hurtful change in a friendship with a femail best friend, is from the soul, no-holds-barred honesty.Published 11 months ago by Paula