Customer Reviews

Dying to Be Free: A Healing Guide for Families After a Suicide

5 star:		(29)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I read this book over the weekend and I thought it was wonderful! It is everything that someone would need to know if they had experienced losing someone to suicide or even knew someone who had lost someone to suicide. It is simple to understand yet so full of information. So many books I have read on suicide are full of information but use language that is too psychological for anyone not in the field to truly understand. I will definitely be recommending this book to any future clients of mine who need it. My favorite part of the book though was the way that the authors describe survivor grief. I have never read it described so perfectly. Anyone who was reading this book after experiencing a suicide would finally be able to realize that the way they are feeling is normal. And anyone who didn't understand how someone was feeling would be able to understand what his or her friend/family member is going through. And I loved all of the survivor stories the authors used throughout the book, especially at the end (so inspirational!). Seriously, this is a great book and I would highly recommend it.

I am so thankful that I found this book! My Husband, a vibrant, successful, hansome United States Marine took his own life a year and a half ago. How could someone who had so much to live for do such a thing? How could he leave us? What was he thinking? Why didn't I see it coming? In a desperate search for answers I read, talked, and listened. When I read Dying To Be Free, Many Of my questions were answered and I began my path of healing. This simple concise book helped me understand how my husband got to the point where suicide seemed like the ONLY option. The authors do an excellent job of tying together their own experiences with many other survivors and family members to find commonalities which help us to understand what went wrong.
I highly reccomend this book to anyone who is struggling with the "why" of suicide.

Beverly Cobain has survived not just one but three family suicides; the most famous being the 1994 death of her cousin Kurt, lead singer of Nirvana. Her registered nurse background and family experiences here blend with those of crisis intervention specialist Jean Larch to provide survivors with a handbook which speaks to the heart. DYING TO BE FREE: A HEALING GUIDE FOR FAMILIES AFTER A SUICIDE gathers the common experiences and feelings of survivors under one cover, providing a unique set of thoughts, feelings and reflections on turmoil, psyche, and family dynamics. A powerful survivor's guide.

Diane C. Donovan, Editor
California Bookwatch

WOW!! What an Incredable book!! My dad recently committed suicide and we were left with many unaswered questions along with the hurt. The why's, the guilt, why did we not see this coming and hurt of losing someone we all loved so much to a tragic death, was all answered in this book. Reading this book put it all into perspective and has helped my husband, my teenage sons and my mom get through this tragic time. I purchase another book and my mom & I refer back to it every time we start feeling the guilt, anger and hurt that is associated with the death by suicide. This book is awesome and would strongly recommend it to anyone who has suffered a tragic death of suicide/

This would be a good book for those that do not have any indication that there might be a family member or friend who is near committing suicide and a very good book for those who have had someone close to them do suicide. "Dying to be Free" is very informative and easy to read book. It will be a help to all.

RICHARD

This book has helped us to understand, as much as possible, what our son's mind was like when he died from suicide. My husband and I read the book when it first came out and found that we were reading about our son! We could totaly relate to the information given. Our son died in Oct. 2005. This book will not take away the pain we are feeling, but it has helped us to deal with it. I highly recommend the book!

I barely got through the first part of this book because it made me SO ANGRY. Perhaps there are people who commit suicide because of broken relationships, failed marriages, financial ruin or personal and public disgrace, yes. Perhaps some are in the throes of very young angst and don't actually intend to die, it's almost a ritual act with a subconscious desire to attract help, and yes, some of them die. But to attribute "psychache" (a word to describe the internal pain of someone considering suicide) to suggest that this is a THOUGHT PROCESS, ALONE, is IDIOTIC. To state, as the authors do, that "intervention" at an appropriate time can stop suicide is to deny the very real FACT that MENTAL ILLNESS is a strong factor. My daughter was profoundly mentally ill, she was taking an anti-psychotic, she had a counselor and a psychiatrist (albeit not the greatest but she had been through quite a number already), she was "losing herself" (in her own words). My daughter had "intervention" every single day for the past five years -- FIVE YEARS -- love, therapy, support from me always, unconditional love. This was a very much loved young woman who was protected (by me and her father), empowered to get better, had no childhood trauma (and in fact wanted to go back to her childhood because it was so happy). SHE WAS SICK, she had a serious brain disorder with endocrinological symptoms, was unable to take many medications intended to treat psychosis (intolerance, horrible side effects, dangerous rashes). WHERE IS THE CHAPTER THAT DEALS WITH SERIOUS MENTAL ILLNESS? Her MENTAL ILLNESS caused her death, not a feeling of being a burden, not because she was having a BAD DAY. She was in torment and nothing was helping: doctors, hospitals, medication, the love of two devoted parents and even the love of her few friends. NOTHING COULD TOUCH THIS ILLNESS, it was a dark, evil thing, a cancer of the mind. WHERE is the discussion of traumatic mental illness, where is the exoneration of loved ones who fought so hard for their children's lives and LOST? I've met dozens of women whose children died from suicide in the past five weeks, online and in person, and in every single case there was serious, ongoing and basically untreatable mental illness. Any book that touches this topic IS WORTHLESS without an in depth discussion of schizo-affective disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and psychotic depression.

Telling ME how I FEEL NOW is something I ALREADY KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT. I need to know WHAT made her hide her illness to the extent that no one could identify this obsession she had with suicide, WHAT made her lie to everyone that she had no intention of committing suicide, WHAT was the chemical and endocrinological cause of her illness, HOW can it be more readily identified, HOW can parents empower themselves if their child is over the age of 18 against the stinking Federal HIPA guidelines which make it IMPOSSIBLE FOR US TO HELP THEM unless they sign a waiver allowing doctors to talk to us? WHY is it so difficult to get legal guardianship when it's so obvious a young adult is in deteriorating mental health? We wanted our daughter in Columbia Presbyterian in NYC, not the hole they call a psychiatric ward in this area, but unless she voluntarily went there we could not get guardianship and could not PUT her in there. She was afraid (most likely having hallucinations or repetitive deranged thoughts), she was delusional (we have plenty of written evidence of that). Her note NEVER ONCE said she was a "burden", in fact she told me I was the light of her life, had been a wonderful mother, that I would always be "mommy" to her and that she would see me again! NOT EVERYONE WHO COMMITS SUICIDE FEELS AS IF THEY ARE A BURDEN TO THEIR FAMILIES and to suggest this is OUTRAGEOUS and makes me VERY, VERY ANGRY.

A psychiatrist who specializes in suicidal ideation and action in the mentally ill is needed here. Instead, this book made me feel as if I DID SOMETHING WRONG when I already feel bad enough as it is! That girl was watched carefully and treated lovingly. All it took was ONE MINUTE when I let down my guard and gave her the car keys to go "shopping", ONE MINUTE where I felt she was entitled to go out for a drive by herself and seemed perfectly ok. If she had ever told me she thought of herself as a burden, I KNOW what I would have said (and most likely did): "YOU are a blessing in my life, I love you, I would do anything for you."

I don't need platitudes and to be told how many years it's going to take me to deal with this. My life is RUINED and I am without my precious child for so long as I live. What I NEED is an explanation OF HER ILLNESS. Take this book and put it in the trash, that's where it belongs.

This is an extremely well researched book what first sensitively describes the tunnel of despair that loved ones passed through before dying by suicide, and then focuses on helpful strategies for recovering from such a shattering loss.

The authors take profoundly emotionally charged subject material such as suicide, the most extreme outcome of a loved ones individual grief, anxiety, and turmoil......and successfully write about it in ways bereaved families can understand and relate to.

They cover the intense feelings of dejection and hopelessness which can lead to suicidal tendencies, they cover the warning signs to be aware of , they cover the chemical imbalance involved in the illness of depression, they cover the trauma involved for those who witness the scene, and they assist the reader in understanding where our loved ones were at that critical moment in their lives, they ease our need to know WHY.

They can do this because they once were where I am today and just knowing that gives me hope...that one day my family and I will see the light thru our recent horrific loss........and hope is all that sustains us for today....and all our tomorrows.

Thank you Bev and Jean for opening doors to a subject that just isn't talked about enough.I find myself reading it over and over and each time I come away with something new.

I recently re-read "Dying to be Free". I re-read it in one setting just as I had the first time. It is a real page turner and very informative. I especially appreciate that it is "reader friendly" meaning the concepts are easy to understand. It is helpful not only for "survivors of suicide" but also those who are trying to help someone who is expressing suicidal thoughts. I am thankful that this book is available for all as an easy read and yet has such invaluable information. You cannot read this book and not be touched. A great read and resource!