Customer Reviews

Dying: A Book of Comfort

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The following is from my review of this book in Signature, the monthly newsletter of the Women's National Book Association: " Although I'm not ready to admit it, my father is dying....All at once I feel isolation, profound sadness, panic, anxiety, anger, frustration, helplessness, fatigue, and, ironically, occasional joy and humor... As I read passages in this anthology, my mixed feelings began to come into focus....Read straight through, DYING: A BOOK OF COMFORT was a spiritual experience for me. Some chapters let me look at dying from my father's perspective. Other chapters simply gave me the perspective of people who have been through this before me and my family. Pat McNees's collection contains carefully selected and ordered pieces--poems, prayers, prose, and fictin. The anthology explores a range of experiences: living when you know you are dying; caring for and about someone who is dying; saying goodbye; and dealing with how it feels to be left behind. Read straight through, the book's structure allows the reader to move through the process of dying and grieving in an arc, starting with "Illness as Awakening." Following chapters examine how people who are dying, as well as their loved ones, experience the process of dying and saying goodbye. The apex of the arc is death itself, with chapters including views on immortality and prayer. The book then moves into "The Journey Through Grief." What follows are chapters devoted to mourning the loss of a child, parent, or spouse, to grieving a sudden death or suicide. The closing chapters have their focus on death's aftermath--the remembering, for example, or the other ways we deal with the ongoingness of this greatest of all losses. Beyond being a personal comfort to me, I found the book to be an excellent resource. I'm often at a loss for words when talking with or writing to someone who is grieving. In its passages I have found just the right passage to share with friends of mine who have lost a mother, a husband, a son. While McNees didn't set out to write a spiritual book, she has created a volume that speaks to the heart. Written after her father's death, this project was designed to help people get through the process of death and grieving. Dame Cicely Saunders, found of Hospice, says of Pat's book, "This remarkable collection, coming from personal experience and wide reading, will help many find the potential of growth through loss." DYING; A BOOK OF COMFORT would make a thoughtful gift for a family or individual coping with terminal illness, someone who is grieving, or people who work with the dying or bereaved. My copy has already become dog-eared and annotated, as it travels with me to visit my father. Thanks, Pat, for the words of comfort. (Eileen Hanning)

When my mother in law died, a friend sent me this book and it was a true comfort. Before I had even finished reading it, I had occasion to pass it on to someone else who was coping with a death in the family. Sadly, I have several other friends and family members who have faced recent losses. I've always felt helpless in writing a sympathy card, so I'm ordering 6 copies of this wonderful book to send instead of sympathy cards. Two I am having shipped directly to the recipients, the others I'm going to mail or present myself.

I read this book when I lost my 27yr-old sister-in-law. It made me feel like I wasn't alone with my feelings and that if others had gotten through such terrible grief, I could too. I have loaned it to friends going through the loss of a loved one and they found it very comforting as well.

What a profoundly useful book. This book was published just when I needed it, during the wrenching final weeks of my mother's life. Since then I have given it to friends, donated a copy to our church library and continued to be amazed -- and grateful -- at the scope of author Pat McNees's discoveries. Because of her, I got help from Ben Franklin, of all people, during a very difficult time.

I was given this book upon the death of my mother, and found it wonderfully comforting, healing and helpful. This book is a small package with a big heart -- a thoughtful thing to do for a bereaved friend or family member.

One might think this is an 'occasion' book, a book that has meaning only in relation to certain sad events. But I found it to be more than that. As much about living as dying; instructive and thought-provoking. The selections are excellent, varied, often fascinating. McNees's book opens a window on a subject we should all be better prepared for.

This lovely book is a wonderful resource not only for the bereaved, but also for those looking to reach out to show love and provide comfort. The readings are thoughtfully selected with enough variety to capture any mood from rage to sadness to acceptance and hope. There's poetry, philosophy, dialog, and even a joke from Woody Allen. I've sent copies to a friend whose son-in-law died, to a colleague whose husband drowned, to a friend and his wife who just learned that the wife has untreatable cancer. It's an appropriate gift for anyone, whether a close friend or stranger.

In the past I have never felt right about the condolences I offered. Now I send this book and know I have really contributed to helping the grieved one cope with their sorrow.

My friend was most grateful to receive this book during her mother's time of dying.

Whether or not someone close to you has been told they are nearing death or has died recently, this book is as fascinating as it is comforting. It reveals in surprising ways how many different views and experiences of death we humans have and provides solace.