The Dysfunctional Family Christmas Songbook [Hardcover]

John Boswell (Author), Lenore Skenazy (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 2, 2004

Somewhere, someone is having a perfect Christmas, filled with chestnuts roasting and sleigh bells ringing…

Screw ‘em.

Most of us are having just the opposite: a nutcrackin’ nightmare of anger, hurt feelings, evil in-laws, and carbs beyond counting. A time when grudges grow and gasses pass. A time of maxed-out credit cards and a ham that the vegetarians are ready to hurl through the frosty window.

It’s that holidays that we celebrate here.

Evil little brothers, pregnant tattooed sisters, horny dogs, and cross-dressing dads–they’re all here, ready to spread their Christmas cheer. So untangle the lights, spill some eggnog, and gather ‘round the place where happier families would have a piano. Now prepare to enjoy all the carols you love–with new lyrics you’ll love even more. “O Holy Fight,” “Silent Wife,” and “Grandpa Fell” (the ballad of Gramps and his bourbon, set to the tune of “Jingle Bells”). Yes, all your old favorites are here, with words that express, at last, the true sentiments of the season.

Remember: We wish you a Merry Christmas! But we can’t guarantee it.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

Here, at long last, is the holiday songbook your family has been waiting for, filled with beloved Christmas songs whose lyrics exquisitely express the REAL sentiment of the season: grandpa needs to stop pinching bottoms, grandma needs to take it easy on the botox, and the family's little beauty queen needs to stop practicing her pageant fire-baton routine before someone really gets hurt.
The fact is, the nuclear family exploded in a mushroom cloud of dysfunction years ago, so gather round the white plasticine Christmas tree, torch up the ol' gas yule log, and belt out such merry carols as "Grandpa Fell"* and "Slutty Night," an ode to Uncle Lester and his exotic dancer girlfriend.
Christmas is the perfect time for thousands of frantic, stressed-out shoppers to impulsively buy any Christmas-themed book they can get their scrabbling hands on; for that reason alone, The Dysfunctional Family Christmas Songbook is destined to become a timeless classic. Coincidentally, it's also side-splittingly hilarious and handsomely packaged in an irresistible, two-color volume, perfect for gift-giving. Either way, this little treasure puts the fun back in dysfunctional.

*GRANDPA FELL
(To "Jingle Bells")
Lying in the snow
With his bourbon at his side
Grandpa's moving slow
Mouth hung open wide
Eyes like soft-boiled eggs
A-searching for his drink
He cannot move his legs and things are getting bad I think
Oh!
Grandpa fell, Grandpa fell, Grandpa fell down drunk
Oh how sad to see the geezer freeze into a chunk!

About the Author

The author or coauthor of sixteen books, including How to Dad, O.J.’s Legal Pad, Where’s Saddam?, and the New York Times #1 bestseller, What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School, JOHN BOSWELL is a book packager and agent in New York. LENORE SKENAZY is an op-ed columnist at the New York Daily News and a frequent commentator on NPR’s “All Things Considered.” Also a contributor to Mad magazine, she lives in New York.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 48 pages
• Publisher: Crown Archetype (November 2, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0767919076
• ISBN-13: 978-0767919074
• Product Dimensions: 7.7 x 5.3 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,070,236 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious, if R-rated, parodies, December 1, 2004

By 

Patricia Tryon (Longmont, CO United States) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Dysfunctional Family Christmas Songbook (Hardcover)

Every time I pick up this book, I laugh myself silly at the inventive and sometimes painfully true lyrics: "We must have a perfect Christmas"; "O, what a fight, the fists were really flying..."; "Silent wife, angry wife..."; "Away in a manger, is that where you dressed?" and more. And surprisingly, the simple piano accompaniment is not bad at all.

Call me over-protective, but this is not humor I intend to share with the younger ones. "Whose Child Is This?" and "Here I Come A-Borrowing" make me laugh hard, and the parodies do not diminish the beauty of the original carols for me. But I wonder how the originals might survive in young minds after learning these very funny, but sometimes racy lyrics. And I am not too keen on answering, in the setting of the holidays, some of the questions that this content would probably provoke.

Not all jokes I hear or tell are suitable for youngsters, nor do I think they have to be. Taken as grown-up humor, this little book is a marvelously effective antidote to the saccharine airs wafting through this "most wonderful time of the year".

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Just Like My Family Christmases...Only Funny!, December 22, 2004

By 

James Brennan (NYC) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Dysfunctional Family Christmas Songbook (Hardcover)

I thought this was such a great idea for a book, but I wasn't sure how it would sound to actually sing the songs. If you can get through them without laughing, you're doing better than I did! Really, Really fun for the whole...Okay, for MOST of the family!

I saw a concert in New York that featured opera singers singing these songs, and that convinced me to buy the book for my family sing along. Loads of fun.

5.0 out of 5 stars Dysfunctionally Delighted, January 6, 2009

By 

Grammalinda (Redondo Beach, California United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Dysfunctional Family Christmas Songbook (Hardcover)

Bought five copies of this for my sisters. We all held our sides as we encountered lyrics that made us all say, "Oh that's so (family member)!" The laughs were worth every penny and I recommend to all people willing to admit they come from a dysfunctional family. Not for the traditional or devout. Must have a sense of humor and ability to identify family foibles.