Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation [Paperback]

Becky A. Bailey (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 24, 2001

The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation.

Have you ever opened your mouth to discipline your child, and your parents' nastiest words tumble out? In an era when most parenting books focus on the child, this book supports parents in dealing more positively with themselves as well as their toddler–to–school–age children, offering specific tools to stop policing and pleading with kids and start being the parents we want to be.

Based on Dr. Bailey's more than 25 years of work with children, this book explains that how we discipline ourselves is ultimately how we discipline our children. Her "Seven Powers for Self–Control" dramatically increase our ability to keep our cool with our children. These correspond to "Seven Basic Discipline Skills" we can use with our children in conflict situations. As children internalise these skills, they naturally learn "Seven Values for Living," which include integrity, respect, compassion, and responsibility.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

A developmental psychology specialist and early childhood education expert, Bailey contends that the difficult but rewarding task of guiding children's behavior starts only when parents are able to discipline themselves and become models of self-control. By following the author's "7 Powers for Self-Control" (attention, love, acceptance, perception, intention, free will and unity), the parent will then be equipped to use the "7 Basic Discipline Skills" (including choices, encouragement and consequences). Bailey dismisses the familiar fear-inspired approach to discipline many grew up with (including threats and punishment), claiming that it inevitably leads children to make biologically driven choices and may even effect the brain due to the high levels of stress hormones released. Also rejecting the permissive parenting style now popular that favors "reasoning" (which, according to the author, imbues children with a victim mentality), Bailey instead promotes instilling an awareness of misbehavior through communication. Though some may be put off by the gimmicky overuse of slogans and buzz words, Bailey's underlying message is positive and hopeful, supported with humorous anecdotes and helpful solutions to even chronic discipline problems. (Feb.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Frustrated because your kid won't get in her car seat? Grumpy ever since your son decided that cleaning his room was optional? Ever feel bad after screaming at your kids for these and other things? Moans. Groans. Alas, parenting is no picnic. Bailey (There's Gotta Be a Better Way) acknowledges this and, in this insightful manual, suggests a disciplinary framework called "loving guidance." Loving guidance begins when parents learn seven "powers of self-control," which include acceptance and intention. Next, parents exercise seven basic discipline skills, such as empathy and maintaining composure. The goal is to teach kids the seven "values for living," including respect, compassion, and responsibility. Numerous, often funny lessons akin to those in Mark L. Brenner's When "No" Gets You Nowhere (Prima, 1997) help parents apply the concepts to daily life. Recommended for public libraries.
-Douglas C. Lord, Hartford P.L., CT
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks (December 24, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060007753
• ISBN-13: 978-0060007751
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.3 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (58 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #6,593 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Becky A. Bailey, Ph.D., specializes in early childhood education and developmental psychology. Her lectures reach more than 20,000 people annually, and her awards include a Parents' Choice Foundation commendation for three of her parenting audiotapes. She has appeared on CNN, PBS, and The Hour of Power with Dr. Robert Schuller, among other programs. She lives in Oviedo, Florida.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

77 of 77 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This Book Changed My Life, February 6, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation (Paperback)

I have read quite a few parenting books, and until recently I considered Faber & Mazlisch's books (including How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids will Talk) to be the absolute pinnacle. But if Faber & Mazlisch are like a college course in parenting, Becky Bailey's book is graduate school. I am deeply grateful to her for writing this book, and to the friend who told me, "You have to read this book! I want to load up an airplane with copies and drop them all over America!"

Unlike many parenting books which just offer tips and tricks for gaining children's compliance, Bailey's book is aimed at helping parents achieve self-control and self-discipline, so that they can then teach these skills to their children. When my friend first told me about the themes of the book, I thought, "Oh great. Just what I need--a book to make me feel bad about how out-of-control I am, how angry I feel towards my kids, how much I yell, etc." But it wasn't that way at all. Reading the chapter on "Assertiveness," for example, I realized that I do not need to feel guilty about my anger; I just needed to make a switch from saying to the children, "YOU are MAKING me furious" to saying "I feel furious when you yell in my ear. You can talk to me in a quiet voice, and I will listen." The first expression implies that children are responsible for their mother's feelings. The second lets me express my feelings, set boundaries, and give the children the information they need to make better choices.

Since reading the book, I feel better about myself and my children. It has strengthened my feelings of self-respect as well as helping me treat me children with respect. I look forward to applying my new skills in my adult relationships as well!

55 of 57 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The most effective parenting book I have ever read, May 22, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Easy To Love, Difficult To Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills For Turning Conflict Into Cooperation (Hardcover)

I highly recommend this book by Becky Bailey. It has truly changed my relationship with my preschooler and toddler and the way in which I interact with my children. I have a very challenging three year old son who is extremely determined and stubborn. Prior to reading this book and using Becky's techniques, he and I were engaged in constant power struggles. By using her techniques, we had instant success and amazing results. The non-stop power struggles are gone! For example, putting on his shoes every day was always a challenge, with me becoming angry as he refused to cooperate. After reading her book, I approached this problem differently. The next time he refused to put on his shoes, I used her techniques. I was absolutly flabbergasted when he thought for a second and then said OK and put on his shoes. I was so shocked I was speechless for a few seconds. For months, he and I had struggled daily with putting on his shoes. Just by approaching him differently the problem disappeared. My husband and I were absolutely stunned at how effective the techniques are. This book has helped me understand the reasons behind my children's misbehavior and how to appropriately react so as to make misbehavior a learning experience for my children. While my children's behavior is not perfect (of course I don't expect that from a preschooler and a toddler) we are seeing vast improvement. Most importantly, Becky's techniques are helping to teach my children the tools they need to interact succcessfully with other persons. Becky's book really ties together how different discipline skills promote certain values. This book is truly the most effective parenting book I have ever read. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

35 of 35 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Step Above the Rest!, March 9, 2000

By 

Daphne G Cronin (New York, New York) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Easy To Love, Difficult To Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills For Turning Conflict Into Cooperation (Hardcover)

This book is not your average, every day parenting book! By using a win/win scenario, Dr. Bailey not only carves out a highly effective and user-friendly program demonstrating for parents the "seven basic skills for discipline", but she teaches us as readers how to find our own sacred selves first. This in turn teaches us as caregivers to center ourselves prior to engaging in any discipline encounter. By being brutally honest Dr. Bailey guides us through this process by giving often hilarious examples from her own life, and step-by-step procedures on how to master the "seven powers for self-control". Just when you think you have a question that Dr. Bailey has not answered, she pops up with just the scenario you had in mind and walks you through it. A whole chapter models her program with specific examples using children at different stages of development. At the end of the book, a seven-week program is mapped out in a concise and easy to follow format. I highly recommend this book for anyone who not only wants to improve their relationship with their children, (nieces, nephews, grandchildren) but who may want to improve their relationship with themselves.