Eat What You Want And Die Like A Man: The World's Unhealthiest Cookbook (Paperback)

~ Steve H. Graham (Author)
Key Phrases: mafia badasses, ice cream lasagna, caja china, Talking Points, Stuart Smalley, New York (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Nostalgic for a time when kitchen counters had a container marked "grease" right next to "flour" and "sugar," author and blogger Graham (Keep Chewing Till It Stops Kicking) offers up a rambling, tongue-in-cheek, plaque-in-artery collection of recipes and essays for those dedicated to the "Art of Lard." Graham delights in slaughtering sacred cows with his acerbic, at times wildly inappropriate humor, but also gets a terrific amount of glee from simple bacon grease, a key ingredient in ribs, chicken fried steak, hash browns and even popcorn. Predictably dense takes on macaroni and cheese, burgers and fries dominate, though more exotic fare like Turducken and Rotis with Goat Curry are also detailed. Graham's glib instructions can frustrate; for fatty (but incredibly flavorful) twice-baked fries, "you get your fat, and you put it in a big pot, and you put it in the oven at 250 for like a day. Then you throw out the lumps that remain," before you add potatoes for frying. Most of his dishes, however, fall within the capabilities of kitchen novices, and he peppers sound advice throughout on everything from the proper use of ham hocks to the care of cast iron skillets. Unfortunately, his wildly uneven tone and pointless digressions kill any sense of momentum, making this a comedic smorgasbord best consumed in moderation.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Description

Eat healthy and live to be 100?.

Screw that.

Why choke down bland, mushy steamed veggies and brown rice when there s so much fat-laden, calorie-rich, heart-bursting cuisine out there to be savored? Because you want to live? So you can spend your golden years wandering aimlessly around a Florida shopping mall and eating dinner at 2 in the afternoon? So your rotten, ungrateful kids can plop you into some hellhole of a nursing home the minute you forget what day it is?

So go ahead, triple your cholesterol and triglyceride counts and clog those arteries . You ll never get out of this world alive, so you might as well enjoy your life while you can. Here are 30 artery-clogging, colon-blistering recipes sure to satisfy the most insatiable cholesterol craving. Instead of, steamed tofu, try Lard-Oozing Caja-China-Roasted Hog or Pizzeria-style Baked Ziti with Sausage and Mozzarella!. Follow up with a decadent dessert of Deep-Fried Twinkies or Ice Cream Lasagne. You ll die quicker but with a smile on your face.

Eat What You Want and Die Like a Man will put you back in touch with your Inner Hog.

Raves for Steve Graham s THE GOOD, THE SPAM, AND THE UGLY

"Gleefully offensive." --Publishers Weekly

"Thanks for using a pseudonym." --Steve s father

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 284 pages
• Publisher: Citadel Press (July 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0806528680
• ISBN-13: 978-0806528687
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #147,718 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Steve is a master at work, as both a cook and a writer! Buy this!, July 2, 2008

By	Commander Salamander (Eastern KY, USA) - See all my reviews

Steve H. Graham is the greatest cook among American humorists. (Which, admittedly, is sort of like being "the hot one" at a Rosie O'Donnell impersonators convention. Not that hard to pull off, considering the competition.) But Steve's a real master at both humor and cookery, so don't let that clumsy compliment slow down your enthusiasm for this product. I got my copy in the mail yesterday, and, after three meals, my wife's trying to put together an intervention for me to kick the habit of Steve-inspired recipes. I drove 75 miles out of my way to buy a griddle because of this man's work. That's the kind of awe that these recipes can inspire. This gushing over the recipes isn't to short the humor in the book. Steve's a master of impersonating writing styles, which show in the Tom Cruise and Christopher Walken chapters. (Which will certainly end in Steve's brutal defenstration at Chris Walken's hands, sadly.) That's not the only thing he excels at though, so every chapter's got a ton of new belly laughs in it... and after preparing even one of the recipes, you'll have a ton more belly to laugh with. Steve's also one of the funniest guys I've ever had the pleasure of reading, and we should all encourage book companies to throw giant cash advances and possibly their daughters at him by buying this book. If you've already bought it, order a few more copies for relatives. You'll be doing them a favor.

10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Cookbook That Oprah Wants but Will Never Buy, June 27, 2008

By	Hugh Jass - See all my reviews

That review title should be self-explanatary, but to put a finer edge on it: If she ate the food in this book, she wouldn't have a weight problem anymore, she'd have a problem finding room left to seat her studio audience. I can picture some assistant on her show whispering into their headset mic: "Uh, Roy, we're gonna need a bigger stadium", or maybe, "Houston, we have a problem... we can't see Chicago from here anymore".

But enough gratuitous Oprah-bashing. She has enough money to hire "people" just to keep her away from this book, and she'd smart to do just that.

Fortunately for the rest of us, the author, Steve Graham, has been responsible enough to add plenty of warnings about what will happen to our bodies --- should we be crazy enough to indulge in these dishes every day. If he was really responsible, he'd have included a free home defibrillator with each copy of the book, but his publisher probably drew the line at the extra expense.

The decadent recipes are only part of the story of this book, though. The patter is what get's to me. Steve Graham often "channels" the voices of celebrities, movie stars, other authors, and even Bill O'Reilly. And he's good at it. He makes it sound like they're actually in the kitchen with you --- helping you cook ---and it makes the cooking fun.

Here's a snippet of "Christopher Walken" dropping in on Steve and helping him make Bosco(tm), or something.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"... Soon we're in Steve's living room, and I'm sipping my Campari--which is a little strong, but I say nothing, because Christopher Walken is a gracious guest--while a couple of my boys hold Steve's head under the water of his fifty-gallon fish tank.

Steve has tetras. Tetras and those other little--what do you call them?--dwarf cichlids. Little pansy fish that don't even fight. I realize it is a matter of taste, but me, I always went for the heavy artillery. Oscars. Piranha. Small sharks. Some people feed their carnivorous fish goldfish. I fed mine Yorkies.

I cannot abide a small defiant dog that looks like a Slinky..."

"...When the time is right, I have my boys pull his head out and sit him on the sofa and get him a towel and some Bosco. He has Bosco in his cupboard. I respect that. That bought him some points. I'm a Bosco man myself. Some guys like Ovaltine. That's okay, I guess. I shot a guy in the face for drinking Ovaltine. Once. But I was young. Full of hormones. Exuberant. I would never do that now. Today I would be satisfied with slamming his head on the counter a couple times..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd like to excerpt more, but I'd hate to spoil it for you.
I feel that giving this book only five stars is somehow not enough, so I'm going to go-ahead and cut-off the other reviewers at the pass and "officially" nominate this masterpiece for the Nobel Piece(of cheesecake)Prize®.

Buy-Read---Eat heartily and unhealthily(but not too much!).

Hugh Jass

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Eat. Laugh. Burp., June 29, 2008

By	Frothmistress (Texas, USA) - See all my reviews

Few people can write guffaw-inducing prose, but Steve is one of the few. A rolling narrative of droolworthy recipes, encased like a timpano (I didn't even know what a timpano was til this!) in his enlightened observations of stupid stuff and people and self-deprecatory riffs, this book is dangerously unhealthy. Mainly because it's creating more wrinkles and puffs around my eyes from laughing. Buy this book now.