Customer Reviews

Elijah's Cup: A Family's Journey Into The Community And Culture Of High-Functioning Autism And Asperger's Syndrome

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This is a wonderful book of one mother's struggle to deal with a child with Asperger Syndrome, and the strain it can place on day-to-day life. There are also some fascinating anecdotes which reveal that some famous individuals may have had Asperger's-- Einstein, Wittgenstein, Andy Warhol, Andy Kaufman. The book does have some minor faults, though: the writing is a bit confused in a few spots, forcing me to read carefully to try to figure out what exactly was going on, and she introduces terms without fully explaining them ("perseverating", for example). The book, as wonderful as it is, it not as complete a guide for those looking for answers as I would have hoped. For that, I recommend the excellent HITCHHIKING THROUGH ASPERGER SYNDROME by Lisa Pyles.

Valerie and Ben are devastated when their then 2-year-old son was diagnosed with autism in addition to epilepsy. Ben has trouble accepting the diagnosis and in time the marriage dissolved.

Instead of condemning Elijah to a life of labels and misperceptions about autism, Valerie Paradiz educated her small upstate New York community as well as the world at large in this book about her personal experiences with autism. Her son and father are both on the spectrum and this book is one of many that points out the genetic basis autism has.

Elijah was enrolled in special programs from the age of three and his greatest progress is made at home and with a friend he and Valerie meet. Sharron, an independent artist is herself struggling with Asperger's, the spectrum partner to autism. She recognizes in Elijah similar traits and experiences she contends with and finally receives a diagnosis. She bonded immediately with the boy and was his regular sitter for some years.

I like the way Valerie worked with Elijah; I like the way she taught him more appropriate ways of responding to peers, such as Trevor in the chess club. Trevor came away with empowered with knowledge and a chance to be more accepting of someone he sees as being "different" and Elijah understands what he can do to regulate his behaviors and move more comfortably in social circles.

I like the conversations mother and son had; I also like the outdoor programs for people on the autism/Asperger's (a/A) spectrum that are described in the book. Best of all, having autism is CELEBRATED!

I've banged on the different drum for a long time about how being on the a/A spectrum is something to celebrate. People on the spectrum have novel perceptions and unique insights that many neurotypical (NT) counterparts do not. One misperception is that people with autism all think in pictures, which simply is not true. Ben Levinson, co-author of "Finding Ben" and Sean Barron, co-author of "There's a Boy In Here" are not picture thinkers and neither are many other people on the a/A spectrum.

Meltdowns due to sensory overload are not uncommon among the spectrum. Sadly, the NT world often looks askance at those on the a/A spectrum simply from a lack of understanding of what people with autism contend with on a routine basis. Elijah, for example would vomit during thunderstorms as the noise upset him. I like the way another reviewer said in re a/A, "Vive la difference!" Wave that banner of interlocking puzzle pieces proudly - autism is NOT something to be ashamed of having!

Two songs seem to underscore this book so perfectly - Herman Kelly & Life's "Let's Dance to the Drummer's Beat" and Linda Ronstadt & the Stone Poneys 1968 song, "(Beat of a) Different Drum." With more drums beating, you get quite a tune! With more drums being beaten, you have different drummers!

People on the a/A spectrum enrich the world tremendously. The contributions are NOT limited to Temple Grandin, Andy Warhol and Einstein and other public figures. People with autism also provide ample opportunity to learn acceptance and realize the world is for everybody and not just the NT population. All too often, people on the a/A spectrum are expected to make all the concessions, especially social concessions to the NT world and try to keep track of the Tacit Social Codes & Rules, which always seem to change at the whims of the NT world.

Now let's all march to our different drummers.

Valerie Paradiz's book Elijah's Cup is a real gem - a must-read. It is heartfelt, lyrical in its imagery, and engaging in its narrative style. But beyond that, it is a milestone in the history of autism literature. It is a parent's narrative - but it is no ordinary parent's narrative. More than any book before it in its genre, it succeeds in understanding and communicating the perspectives of those of us who, like Valerie's son Elijah, are on the autism spectrum.

Valerie instinctively sought out and took seriously the input of adults on the spectrum in the course of trying to figure out how best to be a parent to Elijah. She instinctively sought the meaning and purpose in autistic behavior - in reaction to sensory stimuli, in learning through repetition and pattern-making, in a different yet no less valid set of aesthetic sensibilities. She refused to accept the cavalierness with which the medical model of autism dismisses the relevance and meaning of autistic behavior, sensory preferences, and cognitive style, and instead correctly understood them as the ways in which we attempt to make sense of the world and communicate with it. She refused to accept as adequate the diagnostic definitions of autism that reduce us to a laundry list of negatively stated traits. She understood that Elijah, and the rest of us, are more than that.

This is what we adults on the spectrum have been trying to tell the world ourselves for the past decade and more. It is downright radical stuff to be coming from a parent. Yet it is especially important that it is coming from a parent, and from a gifted and lyrical writer to boot. By speaking as a parent, Valerie reaches and engages potential non-autistic allies - family members, professionals, friends - in ways in which even the most brilliant writing by adults on the spectrum who are not themselves parents, might not.

Valerie understood the importance of finding and connecting Elijah and herself with autistic peers, mentors, and role models. Her search for the latter, coupled with her dissatisfaction with the devaluing descriptions of autism in the literature, led her to study the history of autism and the lives of famous individuals who might have been on the spectrum. She traces the history of autism through its decades of mischaracterization by the psychotherapeutic field. She chronicles the misogyny and victimization of parents, particularly mothers, who were blamed by practitioners as the cause of their children's autism. That much, her inquiry has in common with others' histories of autism.

But with her gifted eye, she goes further: she makes palpable a keen sense of the damage that blame and relentless cause-seeking can do, the wedge it drives into the hearts of marriages, parent-child relationships, and relationships between nuclear family and relatives and friends. She makes her quest one of moving beyond blame and cause-seeking, to concern and attention to the development and vitality of the people involved, and to their connectedness with self, peers, and mentors - however different that development and connectedness with others might turn out to be. She refuses to believe that this is in any way less important for people with that diagnostic laundry list of autistic symptoms - and she is profoundly right. She remains steadfastly open to the legitimacy of the different ways in which these basic human needs are articulated and met by those of us on the spectrum. And that is what is so important about this book, why it is such a milestone.

Phil Schwarz is the vice-president of the Asperger's Association of New England. He is a parent of an autistic child, and has a mild variant of AS himself.

This is an extraordinary, rare and unique book about an autistic child. The thing that makes it this way, is his mother's pure and loving acceptance of him, just the way he is. His mother's creative solutions to make living with him the best it can be. Everyone having anything to do with an autistic child, should read it, if only for the different point of view. The view that every child has value, and there is something to be said for treasuring him just for who he is.

Elijah is a fascinating child. He has been able to absorb much comprehension about the world, and his own disability, and how to cope, through his endless questioning of his mother, and her amazingly patient, honest, and encouraging replies. He will be an adult with a tremendous advantage over other children like him, for having had Valerie Paradiz for a mother.

What can one say about a book written a parent about her child with Asperger Syndrome that isn't like the rest? From the beginning, the reader can tell that he or she has a real gem. The writer, Valerie Paradiz, describes her son, Elijah's early years, including the many seizures he had and the odyssey of doctors and medications. After a few years, the seizures abate, but he is found to have Asperger Syndrome by his babysitter, Sharron Lorree, who has the disorder, also. Sharron becomes a dedicated friend and takes to Elijah like a duck takes to water. In this nifty little book, Paradiz takes an abrupt right turn AWAY from the doom and gloom and the quest for a cure that so many other parent stories about their children focus on.

Instead, the author takes her son to Autreat, a retreat in New York State for people with autism and the people who support them. Run by Jim Sinclair, a major figure in the self-advocacy movement and a proponent of "autistic culture, " the principle of allowing people with autism to be themselves and to accommodate their needs by what has been derisively called "self-stim," where in fact, it is a way to meet one's sensory needs, to communicate or to better adapt to one's environment, or all of these. While at Autreat and after, Paradiz takes on an increasingly positive attitude toward her son's autism, focusing on the STRENGTHS, instead of deficits.

In addition, the author gives the reader insights into the relationship between her and her estranged husband and how they are able to reconcile their relationship.

Throughout the books, the author weaves in descriptions of famous people who probably were on the Autism Spectrum, including Einstein and Andy Warhol, showing the reader how autism and Asperger Syndrome can actually HELP a person to make stunning discoveries and accomplishments that move society forward.

The author writes like a poet a she deftly weaves the descriptions of these famous people in with descriptions of life with Elijah and how he relates to the world. One can't help but love him; he is a sweet, caring little boy, who seems to really enjoy life. Not only is Elijah's Cup beautifully written it is easy to read and understand, a real boon for busy parents who don't have the time or inclination to slog through a ponderous jargon-filled book. Another plus is that treatments are not mention. Instead, the author finds ways to accommodate her son's needs so that he can thrive in the world and enjoy life on his own terms. Once cannot say enough about this treasure. I want to shout from the rooftops BUY THIS BOOK!! It is a must-have for every library and school in the land.

This is a terrific story that chronicles the first 10 years of an autistic boy's life. The story starts like most accounts written by parents -- the nagging worries, the lack of language, the diagnosis, the struggle to teach the child. But then something different...

Through a care-taker, the mother is shown that her son's differences are just part of what make him who he is. Instead of trying to illustrate treatments (like most ASD books written by parents), Elijah's mother just describes her journey through life, her search for knowledge & understanding of Asperger's and autism ...so that she can get to know her son better. Simply put, this is a book of love & acceptance.

I hardly know where to begin. This book was a rare find. I have read many books about autism. Personally, I had given up parental accounts in favor of first hand accounts. But, when a few of my friends suggested this book, I read it. Wow. From the start, Valarie Paradiz found what it took me years to discover-- the importance of seeking out and listening-- REALLY listening to spectrum adults. Her instincts are awesome. Her perspective is unique. Her writing style is, as another reviewer put it, "lyrical."

Bravo, Ms. Paradiz!

Valerie Paradizs book Elijahs Cup is a real gem  a must-read. It is heartfelt, lyrical in its imagery, and engaging in its narrative style. But beyond that, it is a milestone in the history of autism literature. It is a parents narrative  but it is no ordinary parents narrative. More than any book before it in its genre, it succeeds in understanding and communicating the perspectives of those of us who, like Valeries son Elijah, are on the autism spectrum.

Valerie instinctively sought out and took seriously the input of adults on the spectrum in the course of trying to figure out how best to be a parent to Elijah. She instinctively sought the meaning and purpose in autistic behavior  in reaction to sensory stimuli, in learning through repetition and pattern-making, in a different yet no less valid set of aesthetic sensibilities. She refused to accept the cavalierness with which the medical model of autism dismisses the relevance and meaning of autistic behavior, sensory preferences, and cognitive style, and instead correctly understood them as the ways in which we attempt to make sense of the world and communicate with it. She refused to accept as adequate the diagnostic definitions of autism that reduce us to a laundry list of negatively stated traits. She understood that Elijah, and the rest of us, are more than that.

This is what we adults on the spectrum have been trying to tell the world ourselves for the past decade and more. It is downright radical stuff to be coming from a parent. Yet it is especially important that it is coming from a parent, and from a gifted and lyrical writer to boot. By speaking as a parent, Valerie reaches and engages potential non-autistic allies  family members, professionals, friends  in ways in which even the most brilliant writing by adults on the spectrum who are not themselves parents, might not.

Valerie understood the importance of finding and connecting Elijah and herself with autistic peers, mentors, and role models. Her search for the latter, coupled with her dissatisfaction with the devaluing descriptions of autism in the literature, led her to study the history of autism and the lives of famous individuals who might have been on the spectrum. She traces the history of autism through its decades of mischaracterization by the psychotherapeutic field. She chronicles the misogyny and victimization of parents, particularly mothers, who were blamed by practitioners as the cause of their childrens autism. That much, her inquiry has in common with others histories of autism.

But with her gifted eye, she goes further: she makes palpable a keen sense of the damage that blame and relentless cause-seeking can do, the wedge it drives into the hearts of marriages, parent-child relationships, and relationships between nuclear family and relatives and friends. She makes her quest one of moving beyond blame and cause-seeking, to concern and attention to the development and vitality of the people involved, and to their connectedness with self, peers, and mentors  however different that development and connectedness with others might turn out to be. She refuses to believe that this is in any way less important for people with that diagnostic laundry list of autistic symptoms  and she is profoundly right. She remains steadfastly open to the legitimacy of the different ways in which these basic human needs are articulated and met by those of us on the spectrum. And that is what is so important about this book, why it is such a milestone.

Elijah's Cup is not ony a superb read that I would recommend to all teachers of children but also an adventurous journey into what it is to be autistic as well as to have aspergers syndrome. Paradiz writes beautifully, bringing her story to life in graphic detail while informing her reader in a broad and comprehensive manner concerning both Autism and Aspergers. She has a comprehensive index, bibliography, and reference section that will be of help to many. Tasha Halpert

Valerie Paradiz has written a very powerful account of her struggle to help her son develop his unique and creative capabilities, to find and build a positive sense of self within the culture of high functioning autism. This book pushes all kinds of envelops, especially our own and our sense of what "normal" perception/congition/experience is... Gripping, edge-of-the-seat writing. Loved it and have shared with many friends.