Customer Reviews

Elusive Innocence: Survival Guide for the Falsely Accused

5 star:		(27)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

At the center of this important (and frankly, long overdue) book about parents falsely accused of sexually abusing their children is a pernicious phenomenon called the "Sexual Allegations In Divorce" (SAID) syndrome. This syndrome is symptomatic of a legal and child protective services system gone horribly wrong, so that not only aren't the children being protected from abuse, they end up being abused by the system itself.

The syndrome arises when one of the parties injects false allegations of child sexual abuse into the divorce proceedings in an attempt to get the upper hand. Usually, but not always, it is the mother who does this, especially a mother who, as Tong documents, either has something to hide or is otherwise unfit to gain custody of the children. The accusation works especially well when the child is very young and is easily led by the parent who has custody. The accusation usually works because child protective services and the courts are predisposed to believe the accusing parent, sometimes in complete disregard of the evidence.

What then follows is a nightmare for all concerned, especially the children whose family is now irrevocably split. The accused parent is denied visitation rights and stigmatized as some kind of moral degenerate while the accusing parent is exposed to the children as a liar seeking vengeance. Then comes the sexual abuse interrogations of the children and the "therapy" by counselors, social workers, psychologists and/or psychiatrists.

Accused parents may now lose everything important to them, not only their children, their life savings, but their livelihood and their reputations as well. They are caught in a web of legalities and accusations beyond their ability to contend with or understand. They are drained emotionally and financially in a desperate attempt to prove their innocence. Even if they do prove that the charges are false--which, as Tong clearly shows, is very difficult--they still may not get the right to see their children because the child protection agencies typically act autonomously without regard for legal niceties concerning evidence or due process. They will even ignore the verdict of the court! Even if the accused could somehow prove his or her innocence, many people would continue to believe otherwise. Indeed, the insidiously terrible thing about charges of child sexual abuse, is that the charge, once made, never entirely goes away.

So what can you do if you are charged with sexually abusing your children by a vindictive and morally-challenged spouse who has hired a win-at-all-costs lawyer aided by child counseling people desirous of increasing therapeutic opportunities for themselves and their colleagues? Very little if you are not informed. A lot if you understand what you are up against and how the system works.

Tong begins with his own case, followed by a history of three similar cases. His narrative is compellingly written and sympathetic and arouses our profound indignation. He summarizes the case studies showing what they have in common and gives a list of indicators. Chapter 8 is a focus on the syndrome, while other chapters are devoted to each of the participants. There is a particularly devastating exposé in Chapter 10 of the misleading indoctrinational use of the infamous "anatomically correct" dolls and the damage done to children by such use. Tong shows how the children are led--I would even say brainwashed--into giving the social services people the answers they want to hear. For reasons that Tong makes clear, the answer they almost always want to hear is that the accused has sexually abused the child.

Particularly valuable are chapters 14 and 15 on "fighting back"; Chapter 17 on problems and solutions; Chapter 18 "A Self-Help Guide," and Chapter 19, "An Attorney's View," written by Charles Jamieson, who obviously has had a lot of experience in child abuse cases. The ten appendices are also valuable and interesting. There is a chapter on the Borderline Personality Disorder (subtitled: "Survival Guide for Non-BPs") because Tong believes that BPs have just the "kind of twisted and devious" minds that "would use a child as a pawn in a custody battle." (p. 171)

I would enthusiastically give this book five stars except for the fact that, although it is clearly and strongly written, fair almost to a fault at times, and of great value to those who are accused, its documentation and editing are not first rate. First of all, there is no index. In a book like this an index is essential. There are too many typos, too much repetition--some of it intentional, surely, but a lot of it gratuitous--and there are some annoying editing problems. For example:

The words, "Listen to the kids and help them deal with it... Don't act like another parent. You're supposed to be a friend, someone to help..." are attributed to "Martha" on page 82 but then to "Mary" on page 107.

When Tong writes on page 160 that if the case stays in the "gray area," the judge will rule "on the side of the child," he surely means "on the side of the accuser."

On page 162 this short list of feminist authors is given, "Steinhem, Walker, Terr, Ireland, and Allred." Their full names need to be used.

On pages 195-202 the chapter title line on the right hand pages gives the title of the previous chapter.

The outline in Appendix A is unclear and misnumbered.

In Appendix H it is not made clear that Dr. Robert Fay is (apparently) the author of pages 262-266, and not just the two indented paragraphs on page 262.

Is the "child abuse syndrome" referred to on page 241 and then again on 242 the same as the "Child Sexual Abuse Accommodation Syndrome" mentioned on page 243? At any rate, neither syndrome is explained.

Tong's is a noble cause because there is little worse than to be falsely accused of a crime and to have no redress against the accusation. This book can help.

It is estimated that allegations of domestic violence, abuse, or sexual abuse are presently made in one-third of all divorces, primarily to gain financial, material, or custodial advantages. Studies consistently show that only a small percentage of these criminal charges are justified. Thus, Dean Tong's book "Elusive Innocence: Survival guide for the falsely accused" is an essential reference for the tens of thousands of men trapped in the quicksand of false allegations every year. The book should also be read by every legislator, attorney, judge, mental health professional, victim's advocate, social worker, and child protective service worker dealing with these issues.

False allegations destroy lives, careers, fathers, and children with no gain to anyone except the divorce industry and its parasitic practitioners. Tong gives the background on such sicknesses as the SAID (Sexual Abuse In Divorce) syndrome, the domestic violence industry, borderline personality disorder (BPD), and how the falsely accused can defend themselves in nineteen chapters. Included are case histories, the views of attorneys and mental health professionals, case citations, where to find help, and useful tests. I found especially relevant the extensive documentation of how a man can show he is not violent and not inclined to molest children.

One unaddressed issue is how someone who has served in Marine Corps infantry, as I have, can prove themselves nonviolent when faced with such false accusations. By inference, every man who has served in a combat military organization is a "trained killer" when accused of domestic violence under current laws. But that absence is a trifling drawback to an otherwise excellent book. If you have been falsely accused this is one book you must read.

Dean Tong's Elusive Innocence: Survival Guide for the Falsely Accused is a magnificent and much needed handbook to separate fact from fiction in understanding the range of important issues regarding child abuse. What makes Mr. Tong's handbook so important and unique is that it can be used by both the public and professionals alike, and for many who do not understand or appreciate the issues involved in accusations of child abuse, this book will truly open your eyes! Mr. Tong's writing is superb, the organization of the book, intermixing personal stories with legal and social issues, provides for a wonderful reading, and the appendices offer a wealth of resources of information for those needing assistance. I recommend this book most highly for everyone interested (and everyone should be interested) in how our society's laws have developed to protect children, and how these laws are being used to perpetrate what Mr. Tong refers to as "the reverse cycle of child abuse." This book is simply a must-read for all who want to know what is happening in our society regarding the abuse of children. Elusive Innocence is a singular and comprehensive resource that will make you think, and perhaps act, so that our society will more equitably address this important topic, protecting both children and those who stand accused.

Elusive Innocence is a truly remarkable book which touches on everything the falsely accused experiences, from the pain and heartache to the frustration and anger that goes with attempting to clear their name. This book goes through the misconceptions that many people have that the system works, and it also gives in depth information on how to make sure that the accused gets the best possible defense. With case studies to expert input, it covers all the bases and should be read by everyone involved in any child custody case, especially the attorneys who defend the accused, the accused themselves, and the judges who rule on them.
Social workers would also greatly benefit those who they are protecting if they took the time to read this book, as a whole new world and insight would be opened to them. This should be required reading in colleges for those who choose to go into law or social work.

Author Dean Tong was falsely accused of molesting his child by his former wife. After surviving that horror, he dedicated his career to helping other falsely accused parents cope and to exposing a system which presumes guilt, not innocence of the accused. Mr. Tong exhorts the falsely accused to fight back and provides the tools necessary to do so.

This book begins with four case studies of real people who had been falsely accused of sex abuse and recounts their personal turmoil including the pain of being cut off from seeing their children. Tong then explores the context in which false allegations arise, first examining the characteristics of the "accuser" and second examining how false allegations often arise during family breakup including divorce and custody fights. The accuser, says Tong, may be mentally disturbed and may suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. He cautions that people who work with children must be initially skeptical of allegations arising in the context of a family breakup and counsels that we must not jump to conclusions about guilt or automatically believe the reports of children.

The book then examines the weaknesses of the child protective services system, how agencies that investigate abuse are often understaffed, undertrained and underpaid, and how Judges too often defer to the agency's judgment. Its last chapters provide useful guidance to the falsely accused, how to fight back by retaining the right attorney and experts.

I liked this book because it exposes the weaknesses of a child protective system, which, though well meaning, nevertheless makes mistakes and victimizes the innocent. People too often believe that children always tell the truth, too few people realize that children's memory is so suggestible and programmable by adults. People too often believe that reporters of abuse are knights in shining armor and too few people realize that adult reporters may be lying or exaggerating or acting with an agenda to harm the target of their accusations. Too few people realize that accusers may suffer from mental disorders themselves which distort their perceptions.

I liked the book because it humanizes the unfortunate people falsely accused of abuse. Society seems to focus solely upon the victim and the horror of the crime of abuse, but rarely focuses on the personal and social cost of false accusations.
This distinguishes the book from others which relate statistics or science or the psychology of abuse.

Most important, I liked the book because it offers practical, step-by-step advice on how to handle false accusations. For example, it relates how to find the right attorney, and the appropriate expert, and it educates the reader in asking the professionals the right questions. It instructs how to obtain a polygraph test, how to seek out psychological evaluations, how to deal with the child protective service agencies. It provides the reader a wealth of internet resources
and teaches the reader that knowledge is power.

The author writes in a clear, simple, direct manner free of
jargon. The book represents the best in the self-help genre.

I wish the book provided better citations to source material. For example, Tong refers to a pivotal study by the National Center for Child Abuse and Neglect, but does not give us a citation to the original study. Tong spends time discussing the Sexual Abuse Allegations in Divorce Syndrome, but does not give us any statistics which show the frequency in which sex abuse allegations arise in this context. Tong also suggests that the accuser may suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, but does not cite any studies which establish a link between this disorder and false allegations. The problem is we don't know the basis upon which Tong suggests that the accuser may suffer from this disorder.

The book's value lies in its muckraking style. One hopes that policy makers in the child protective system will read this book and that the book will prevent society from jumping to conclusions about the guilt of someone accused of sexual abuse.

As a falsely accused victim of Florida's DCF, which has perpetrated documented abuse upon my daughter, I read Mr. Tong's "survival guide" with great interest. Disturbing as it is informative, the book compellingly details ghastly cases, starting with the author's own tragic tale of false allegations of incestuous pedophilia. These are followed by insightful discussions of key issues and extensive appendices with helpful resource information. The similarities to my own case are distressing, especially considering that most are without outcomes that benefit either the falsely accused dad or the equally innocent child. I wish I had read Tong's guide before my 3-year-old daughter's heinous abduction by the state (or even immediately thereafter), but, alas, I was like most who haven't (yet) personally experienced such a nightmare -- more comfortable believing such atrocities don't exist in our society. The painful truth is that they are rampant. Maybe if professional involved with the system read Tong's book and take it to heart, the terrible tide will someday be reversed. -- Paul Scott Abbott, Miramar, Fla.

Dean Tong does not mince words. He demonstrates that those falsely accused of child abuse are subject to "kangaroo courts" that violate constitutional rights. His references are solid, and his writing style is compelling. Because this book is part whistle-blower and part what-to-do, it is difficult to put down. It is both shocking and hopeful. This is an author who knows what he is talking about. I know of no other source like it, and it is mandatory reading for the accused, for attorneys, and, I pray, for judges who allow child-protective-service agencies in every state to run rampant through the courts, with the judges "rubber stamping" their illegal practices. I write these comments as one who hates real child abuse and who has written extensively on the subject. As an expert trial witness in three states, I know that Dean Tong can save families and help to restore justice in our juvenile courts.

It is horrifying to face the fact that the very real needs for protection of millions of children exposed to actual parental abuse are compromised daily by malicious false accusations of abuse during rancorous divorces. Worse, the lives of the innocent accused are destroyed. Fortunately, for those faced with a harrowing attack of this nature, this book can be a lifeline. The author has personally endured the tragedy of false accusation, spending over $120,000 in legal fees clearing his name and attempting to have his wrongfully removed parental rights reinstated. He has offered this book as a means to prevent others in his position from making the mistakes in their legal defense that he did, due to the ignorance of his attorneys.

Tong provides case studies of people who have experienced false accusation and includes information on how social service agencies, law enforcement and the courts treat these types of accusations. Specific advice is given for creating a defense for allegations of child abuse and domestic violence, and information is offered for dealing with false accusations arising out of a spouse with a mental illness, particularly borderline personality disorder. In addition, the author provides an extensive array of appendices, including attorney referrals, internet resources, and defense interrogatories. There is no index, but there is a two-page bibliography for further reading.

I have rated this book five stars because it is clearly written with a calm, reasoned tone, the information presented is extensive, detailed, direct, and very practical. For anyone in this situation himself or with a loved one facing false allegations of child abuse, this book is highly recommended.

This is the book to turn to when the accusations are unbearable. Mr. Tong addresses the facts regarding the tragic situation of being falsely accused of child abuse. Where to turn to, what to do, what not to do. It is all in this book. You aren't alone, all hope isn't lost. There is help, and hope for your future with your children. Don't give up, but do get a copy of this book. You will feel empowered and better ready to deal with this horrible situation. As Mr. Tong states, "Don't Give up! Your life and that of your child's depends upon your persevering." This book is a tool to help you!

This book can save you thousands of dollars, years of precious time, and most importantly your relationship with your children. Once accused there is a snowball effect that will engulf you before you know it - you must protect yourself and your children. This is the only book of its kind and is a wealth of information that no attorney can provide - it will open your eyes to what can happen if you do not act immediately and will give you the tools to prevent a false allegation becoming the end of your life as you know it. I believe that you MUST act as soon as you are accused or you risk losing your children forever. Either the "system" will take them or they will never be the same emotionally. Drastic accusations require more than you typical defenses - this book can and will help you fight and give you the motivation to do so.