Customer Reviews

Elves [VHS]

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

The 5 star rating only applies for people who enjoy bad movies. It would be a 1 (actually more like a zero) if it was judged on it's merit as a serious film. Dan Hagarty plays an ex-cop who gets hired on as a department store Santa after the former Santa was killed by multiple stab wounds to the groin. It seems that a aged Nazi mad scientist has brought along a magically engineered creature with him to America where he has incestously produced a granddaughter to mate with this creature to give birth to the new master race. Dan chain smokes his way through his role and Deanna Lund makes an appearance as the wacko mother of the girl who is supposed to mate with the Elf. The ending will leave you asking the question "Huh?". Too bad MST3K didn't get a hold of this one.

I think Christ himself conceived of Elves, the cinematic attribute to faith in higher powers and the struggle for existence in a post-modern nameless world. It has all the merits and markings of divine intervention. Probably no human skull could hold the plotline, let alone just the main character's craftmanship and aptitude. Elves is a superior feat, showcasing the inherent will to persevere and the indomitable nature of the human spirit.

I remember seeing a commercial for this movie when I was around seven years old and had it stuck in my head for years. I have been searching for it for the past five years wondering if I dreamed it all up. Well, it found out it was real, and it is a must for B-movie fans.

The story revolves around a plot by the Nazis to use Elves as a way to create the "master race." The granddaughter of a former Nazi member unwittingly unleashes the elves who need her to create the "master race" on Christmas Eve.

Really good for a "Bad" movie. It's hilarious in it's absurdity and is just all around funny.

First off... Elves? Plural? There's one Elf Vs. Grizzly Adams. A hilarious flick if you enjoy crappy movies. Horrible acting, and then the Evil Ugly Elf has relaciones with the hot blonde chick at the end. Be sure to pack plenty of ganja when viewing... you'll need it. Quite possibly the worst movie ever made!

After the local department store Santa is stabbed in the crotch...to death (!) by a Nazi elf ol' penniless Dan Haggerty takes the job but soon regrets his decision when he accidentally gets caught up with the girl who the elf is chasing.

Why is a Nazi elf chasing the girl? Well it's cause she's the only virgin in town whose grandfather is also her father (!) and if the elf bangs this girl at midnight on Christmas Eve then their child will be the Antichrist! Wow. I seemed to have overlooked that passage in The Bible.

Filmed on what looks to be $8,000 and directed with reckless abandon by Jeffrey Mandel - whose credits include CYBER-C.H.I.C. and FIREHEAD - ELVES still somehow kept me entertained and laughing (sometimes hard) for the entire 89 minutes. Watch it with a friend.