Customer Reviews

Embracing Fear: and Finding the Courage to Live Your Life

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With wit, clarity and deep empathy, Thom Rutledge helps us to confront and respond to our fears in his new book, "Embracing Fear". Using the acronym F.E.A.R.,facing, exploring, accepting and responding, he guides us toward an understanding of how we can move ahead with our lives and live with courage and self respect.

Differentiating between healthy fear, or what he calls "The Ally", and neurotic fear, which he calls "The Bully", I was stunned at how familiar these characters were in my mind. I know the bully intimately and he's a beast. This book is so joyous though it's made me want to take his horns off and play them like Mexican trumpets at my fiesta of healing.

The book also has a generous helping what the author calls, "Nutshells", little swatches of light and wisdom that read sort of like cosmic sound bites. A couple of examples: "God flunks no one, but He sure does give lots of retests" and "Arrogance exists where genuine self-love does not".

I've whittled one down even further and I've posted it right above my computer and I'm looking at it now, "Progress Not Perfection".

At the very least,"Embracing Fear" is mercifully devoid of the typical self-help jargon. (By the grace of God and good taste, the word "codependent" never appears.) It's more like spending time with and old and wise friend who is not above admitting that he also is far from perfect but progress is right here among us.

I've bought several of these and have given them to friends and have been thanked profusely afterward. This is something rare and special and should be shared with anyone you care about who is letting fear beat them up. In a 'nutshell', "Courage is to fear as light is to darkness".

Embracing Fear will be appreciated by readers who usually avoid self-help books. Thom Rutledge, a Nashville psychotherapist, draws on his life and his clinical experience to share frank, irreverent insights into living and growing in today's world.

Rutledge distinguishes healthy fear, which motivates us to move forward, from "neurotic" fear, which keeps us paralyzed. We should face fear, he says, but not let it rule our lives. This message is especially timely after the events of 9/11.

Embracing Fear deserves attention not only for the main message, but also for the little gems that appear on almost every page. As a reader and writer in the self-help genre, I was impressed by Rutledge's originality. You won't find the usual "positive outlook" bromides here; in fact, we are warned to be leery of the New Age manifestation manifestos.

As a therapist, says Rutledge, "I sometimes think of myself as an energy-efficiency consultant." 
"Never trust someone who presents himself or herself as the ultimate expert on the human condition."
People who want to know their "life purpose" seem to imply there are "answers in the back of the book."   

Embracing Fear will be a valuable resource for the thousands of people who face major career and life changes, which are often accompanied by fear. It will also be welcomed by those who are ready for self-help delivered heavy on the realism and easy on the hype.  

*****
This book is a great read all about fear. Specifically, it is about embracing fear---facing fear---rather than running from it, stuffing it, etc. Unlike most self-help books, the author does not presume to be an authority with easy answers; instead, he is a fellow human being who struggles with his own fear and that of his clients. He shares very practical techniques to approach your fears so that you can still have the life you want, regardless of your fears.

Fear underlies most if all negative emotions. I found this book to be very helpful. The author asks many helpful questions such as "What would I do today if I were brave?"...leading me to see where my fears stopped me.

Another technique he uses is splitting our self-talk into the negative voices of unhealthy unnecessary fear (which he calls The Bully) and the positive voices of what we know with our heads and hearts (which he calls The Ally). This has been really helpful to me, too. He makes the point that we will never rid ourselves of fear, but we will be less and less bothered by it as we learn how to face it.

This book differs from an ordinary self-help book in that it is amazingly useful, plus the author is practical, transparent, realistic, and humble. I loved reading it, highlighted it all over the place, and will read it again.

It is an excellent value and worth hours of therapy. I would even suggest it in lieu of therapy! I immediately bought two copies to send to two of my closest friends.
*****

Embracing Fear is not your typical self-help, full of psycho-jargoned text from some "expert" who claims, "I used to be afraid but now I'm not, and neither should you." The book reads more like an entertaining story about one man's journey toward understanding and dealing with his own fears, while helping others to do the same. Thom Rutledge's 20+ years as a practicing psychotherapist certainly qualifies him as an expert, but his extreme honesty and openness about his own life never separates himself from the rest of us. It's like reading a story from a dear friend.

Thom tells us that fear comes in two forms: neurotic fear, which he calls the "bully," that tries to immobilize us and keep us from moving forward with our lives, and healthy fear, which he calls the "ally," that is simply a wake-up call that alerts us to greater possibilities. He says fear is like coming up against a wall, and when we face it, explore it, accept it, and respond to it, we can learn to lean into our walls of fear and pass beyond them. "Always move toward your demons; they take their power from your retreat," is one of many of Thom's Nutshells that appear throughout the book and in a glossary at the end.

The greatest lesson I have learned from this book is that my fears do not have to be in charge of my life-I am in charge! "I reserve the right to disagree with myself," is another of Thom's wonderful Nutshells. With this, I have learned that when a wall appears in my life, I can walk right up to it and say, "Hello, Mr. Fear. Let's talk, then I will decide if I agree with you." Embracing Fear has given me the tools to pass beyond my walls and move forward toward my greater possibilities.

Embracing Fear is not only a good read but also it is a book that makes a difference. Fear is a significant part of our lives. Thom Rutledge writes, "Fear fuels our negative and judgmental thoughts and our need to control things. Fear underlies guilt and shame and anger... Fear hides inside seemingly less severe emotions such as anxiety. The objects of anxiety can range from giving a presentation at work to the presence of terrorism in our world. We can be afraid that our shoes don't match an outfit or worry about larger concerns like world hunger." Embracing Fear shows us how to identify and face these fears that haunt us in our day-to-day lives. Once we isolate and identify the fear in our lives, Thom Rutledge takes us through the process of learning how to understand this fear and then eventually move beyond it.

This is not some stuffy self-help manual nor is it a new age out there guide book, Embracing Fear is a book that makes sense while you read it and even better the principles and methods work. Thom Rutledge has indeed written a book for everyone.

Written with sincere compassion, and a warm, direct tone, Thom Rutledge gives us permission to be human, and helps the reader see that having fears, or tendencies to avoid those situations which create fear, is not a basis for shame. Embracing Fear teaches the reader to transform maladaptive responses, into winning situations, and the importance of finding the gift, lesson or opportunity in challenges we face. With his honest style, he helps us find the reason and rational messages we can listen to within our being when facing difficult or frightening situations. This is a man who knows of what he writes. His knowledge, personal experience, and ability to convey that he truly cares makes him a uniquley therapeutic and helpful writer. The reader is left feeling nurtured all along the way, and yet skillfully challenged as well. Wendy Oliver-Pyatt, MD author: Fed Up! The Breakthrough Ten Step No-Diet Fitness Plan.

Thom Rutledge is the most entertaining self-help writer going. His previous books (The Self-Forgiveness Handbook, Earning Your Own Respect, and Practice Makes Practice) have all made a tangible impact on my life, and have all been a joy to read. Embracing Fear is no exception. The man is disarmingly honest about himself (an attribute I love in a shrink) and when he describes some of his therapy sessions with clients it's like reading a good novel. The techniques Rutledge teaches in Embracing Fear are as powerful as they are simple---a great combination.

As strange as it may sound to suggest a self-help book as a gift, I think you will want to give this book to family and friends. Based on reading Rutledge's earlier books, I ordered 4 copies of Embracing Fear to start with, and have already placed a second order.

Last but not least, how could a topic be more universal, and especially now, more relevant? In a recent interview, Rutledge said, "Fear is universal. Natural, healthy fear is the best friend we will ever have, and neurotic fear is the arch-villain of our existence." This book can guide you into and all the way through your fears. Give it a try.

Embracing Fear, is by far the best self-help book I have read--and I have read many during my professional career, in attempts to help clients of my own, and in my personal life, during attempts to help myself. I have read Thom Rutledge's other books as well (The Self-Forgiveness Handbook, Earning Your Own Respect, and Practice Makes Practice) but this one surpasses them all! Fear touches each of us, and sometimes we allow it to control us, however, this book teaches us how to stand up and take charge of our own life. While reading Embracing Fear, I found that it allowed me feel a number of emotions, from tears to laughing hysterically.... overall, very healing in the end. It is written with compassion, courage, and humor, but even more so with honesty. Unusual for a therapist to admit their own weaknesses, but a quality that I have learned is essential to being effective in helping others.
I plan to buy many of these books to pass along to family, colleagues, and friends--What a awesome way to show someone you care.

I ordered a copy of Embracing Fear after reading an article by the author entitled “Make Fear Your Teacher.” The short article, that showed me Mr. Rutledge is at least a step or two beyond simply writing self-help, encourages us to come to terms with the fact that life is by its very nature is unpredictable. And with unpredictability comes fear.

Rutledge says, “The essence of what I believe --- and what I hope we can together spread around the world --- is this simple truth: fear is the natural companion of human self-awareness. We cannot refuse delivery; we cannot return to sender. How we choose to respond to fear is the ultimate measure of who we are.” The idea that how we respond to fear being such a defining aspect of our lives is what really got my attention.

The book itself is excellent --- well written, informative and surprisingly entertaining. (I have learned since first discovering the article that a sense of humor is sort of a Rutledge trademark.) There is some real wisdom here, and I recommend Embracing Fear whether or not you consider yourself a “self-help reader.” It’s just a good book.

(Note: you can probably request a copy of the article, "Make Fear Your Teacher," from the author's website.)

I like this book because of Thom's simple, down-to-earth language and his sharing from his own personal experiences. He helps us realize how pervasively and unconsciously fear operates in our lives. His viewing fear as normal, rather than the result of personal weaknesses, enables us to see ourselves as struggling, growing and traveling together with him and others, not set apart and different. He has a safe, inviting approach to dealing with the Bullies, as he calls our fears. I believe, without exception, those who want to live their lives to the fullest will benefit from Thom's perspective and the steps to being in charge of fear. He holds our hand and convincingly shows us page by page.