Embracing our selves: The voice dialogue manual [Paperback]

Hal Stone (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: 1989

Drawing on years of clinical experience, the authors take readers on a remarkable journey of self-discovery. The "sub personalities" that live with the self are explained, allowing readers to pursue their individual destinies.

--This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Hal and Sidra Stone have developed a powerful approach for overcoming the self-alienation that results from toxic shame." — John Bradshaw, author of Homecoming --This text refers to the Kindle Edition edition.

Product Details

• Paperback: 257 pages
• Publisher: New World Library; First Printing edition (1989)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0931432847
• ISBN-13: 978-0931432842
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,322,537 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Unique way of looking at ourselves, September 10, 2003

By 

Maria Favata (Yonkers, New York) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Embracing Ourselves: The Voice Dialogue Manual (Paperback)

This is one of my favorite books. I felt so empowered and alive while reading it. The main theme is that we are here to be all of who we are; and that actually 'all of who we are' consists of many, many different parts.

Some parts are more dominant(Primary Selves) and some parts less so (Disowned Selves). Our challenge is to own more of the disowned selves and to achieve more balance inside of ourselves.

Hal and Sidra Stone don't have a judgemental bone in their body. They are very accepting and optimistic and don't teach with a heavy hand.

Absolutely on top of my list!

47 of 50 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars One of the most useful books on personal growth I've read, September 3, 2002

By 

F. C. Boyd "Carson" (Tempe, AZ) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Embracing Ourselves: The Voice Dialogue Manual (Paperback)

When you're trying to grow and unfold, finding the source of your feelings, and actions, and conflicts, is like having a light turned on... At last, you able to address the actual cause. And addressing actual causes always brings results. It is our mis-placed blame that keeps us feeling stuck and unable to progress.

This book teaches you how to create a dialogue between various parts of your personality, who are often conflicted in what they want and need. This dialogue leads, at the least, to more understanding, and often to negotiated settelments where everyone wins.

More than that, the practice develops a state referred to as the "aware ego" which is able to tell the difference between you and your "sub-personalities." Having an aware ego means that you are now free to have your feelings... and... you don't get lost in them any longer. How valuable is that?

This methodology has the potential to create great healing among the masses. It can be done with two or more people who are willing to grow, and does not require lenghty training or advanced degrees. Are you capable of a supportive conversation with a friend?

* If you feel dead inside, look here for new life.

* If you feel confused, look here for self-awareness and understanding.

* If you feel an undefined yearning, look here for answers.

27 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Essential reading to engage the real work of relationship, February 17, 1999

By 

[e-mail] (B.C., Canada) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Embracing Ourselves: The Voice Dialogue Manual (Paperback)

"The fairy tale version of romantic love teaches that once one finds the right mate, there is a marriage and then the two live happily ever after. Somehow the relationship magically brings out the King or Queen in each of us; therefore, our task in life is to find the correct mate so that we can be truly ourselves. In contrast to this, many of us now have a real fear that we will lose ourselves if we "give in" to a relationship and make the adjustments that are necessary in order for it to work, that the changes demanded of us by relationship are a weakening or a lessening of who we are." --Embracing Each Other, pp. 227-8

This is a book that came for me at the right time: and in (or out of) relationship, any time is the right time. Especially helpful is the advice on taking care of one's [inner] "vulnerable child": 1. Recognize its presence 2. Develop an awareness of its personality, needs and reactions 3. Separate far enough in trigger situations to evaluate 4. Speak up for it in an objective, relaxed fashion

Here are some key do's and don'ts: --Don't put it in position of taking care of itself --Don't give in to all its needs ("indulging in all its feelings") --Don't let it lock into victim mode through over-identification --Do provide its own space, aesthetic and safe --Do use impersonal self to set limits and boundaries, speaking for its needs --Do use one's network of safe friends for support and listening

The vulnerable child is often disowned by the dominant constellation of one's "primary selves." Left to their own devices these often give rise to a variety of shadow selves...with both primary selves and shadows indulging in excess.

"Negative bonding patterns" occur in relationship when the disowned child in each person has to find support externally, and bonds unconsciously with the parent-figure in the other person.

Problems and conflicts inevitably occur. How to deal with them constructively? Awareness is crucial. So while expression of feelings may occur, it's important that it's done consciously rather than hurtfully; using discernment, not judgment. In this dance one must learn to embrace all of one's disowned selves. Also, to understand the dynamic connections between each other's vulnerable selves and the corresponding partner-parent roles. We can come to realize and embrace in ourselves the opposite qualities embodied in our relationships--but in less extreme forms. For such understanding this book is invaluable.

They will keep happening, battles and make-ups, but the aware ego will begin entering earlier to balance the power selves and vulnerable selves, with more choices; so that we relate out of em-power-ment rather than a drive for power; without dominating/controlling or playing victim. The content of conflict becomes neutral, without the usual hidden agenda.

Sound like too much work? It's all a choice. If relationship is the path we take (and how can anyone ignore it forever?), we may avoid much unnecessary pain (for ourselves and others) and discover the greatest growth through maximum discovery and awareness. For such a living journey, Embracing Each Other is the essential guidebook.