21 of 24 people found the following review helpful
on December 26, 2002
Loring's book is an outstanding introduction to a subject that produces a huge amount of suffering. The book is well organized, well-written, and revelatory. Everyone could benefit by reading the information presented herein. If you suspect you are suffering from past or present emotional abuse don't hesitate-buy this book immediately. This book will help you educate and free yourself. A must read.
23 of 27 people found the following review helpful
on January 2, 2002
Marti Tamm Loring clearly defines the area of emotional abuse - a relief for those who have suffered for years with no words to articulate how they feel. She also cites research to back up her hypothesis - how wonderful! Loring is compassionate and sincere, and lets the disenfranchised feel they are finally understood. I have recommended this book to clients and their families, friends, and my family members.
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
on November 23, 2010
Individuals caught up in situations where they wonder if they are being abused somehow would benefit greatly from this book. It is very well written and contains tons of case studies and references. Emotional abuse is very well hidden for 2 reasons there are no physical scars, and the victims blame themselves for the depression, fear, and confusion they fear. This is precisely what the abuser intends to create whether consciously or not. I can not recommend this book enough. I was able to walk from an emotionally abusive relationship because of the knowledge I learned from this book. This book saved my Life!
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on October 3, 2013
This book was originally published in 1994, & republished in 1998. This book was written for counselors & lay persons regarding a new model of treatment based on treatment & study primarily of women at the Center for Mental Health & Human Development in Atlanta. This is not a self help book, & could possibly cause secondary trauma & sadness to the reader; therefore, caution is advised before reading this book. As a lay person, I found the material a bit overwhelming & tried to read the book twice before completing it on the third try. While the book did bring back old memories of abuse, it did help me connect the dots & to put things in perspective. Primarily that I was not to blame for the abuse, & that there was no foundation for the deep sense of guilt & regret that I have been living with. Altering my behavior as a child would not have made things better.
The author clearly defined what overt & covert abuse were & the physical & psychological impact on the person. She mentioned that identifying the pattern of abuse was very empowering to the abused. She reassured the person that his/her response to the trauma was normal & that made the person feel less crazy.
The real problem is that when a person enters therapy, it is not usually due to the effects of emotional abuse as this person is unaware that he/she is a victim. Rather it is usually for the manifestations of abuse such as depression, suicidal ideation, & somatic complaints such as aches & pains, breathing problems, stomach problems, & fatigue. The person thinks of the abusive behavior as normal & that he/she is to blame. This counselor has to question the client closely to identify the problem. It is going to take continued therapy in some cases to make the client recognize the abuse. The abuser is good at what he does & has repeatedly verbally abused this person until her sense of self has eroded & she feels confused & unsure of her judgement. A good therapist/client relationship is essential complete with trust. The therapist will offer validation to the client to help raise this person's self esteem & so on. Since this person feels fragmented, the goal is to make this person feel whole, find nonabusive relationships, & reintegrate her into society. This person should feel alive again, hopeful, & excited about life.
While this book was primarily written for abused women, she does briefly touch on the fact that no one is immune to the possibility of experiencing abuse sometimes in his/ her lifetime in the home, school, or in the workplace. The psychological impact is no different than that of abused women. Lastly, she does mention men who are emotionally abused & that the effects are equally profound & that treatment techniques are the same. We just hear more about the abuse of women since society is more accepting of the abuse & since women have learned a sense of helplessness resulting in victimization. In my opinion, this is where education is manditory. In fact, i did not recognize these incidences as abuse: slamming of doors, withdrawal of affection, ignoring, dimminishing importance of ideas, rolling of eyes, sighing, jelousy & possessiveness, controlling the bank account, humiliation in front of peers, & yelling. I do consider myself a well educated woman who worked in a helping field along with many other women who as well did not recognize the signs of abuse. So much bad behavior is permitted & considered normal.
0 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on April 10, 2013
The Author states in the Preface that "she" will represent the abused and "He" the abuser because women are viewd as the most often abused, unless out of self defense,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Anybody got a good book for men abused?