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Emotional Fitness for Couples: 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship Paperback – February 14, 2005

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Editorial Reviews


Barton Goldsmith has provided couples with a step-by-step guide to a healthy relationship. All couples, reading the short chapters and doing the explicit and powerful exercises, save, deepen and transform their relationship. I recommend it for all couples.
—Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples and coauthor of Receiving Love

… I found this book to contain a great deal of wisdom, which is made easily accessible to the reader. I have experienced fifty wonderful years of married life and so know the practical steps to emotional fitness for couples shared here are of great value.
—Bernie Siegel, MD, author of Prescriptions for Living and 365 Prescriptions for the Soul

This book has some very good ideas on how couples can stop their anger at each other and live more successfully together.
—Albert Ellis, Ph.D., noted psychologist and author of A Guide to Rational Living

Bull's-eye! Like a Zen archer, Barton Goldsmith releases an arrow into the very center of intimacy. And like a Zen monk he writes with a disarming charm and graceful elegance, creating a book that is fun, funny, yet penetratingly wise. My advice is simple - Read it.
—Shawn Christopher Shea, MD, author of Happiness Is and Psychiatric Interviewing: the Art of Understanding

Goldsmith is the BEST natural born therapist I have ever met. I thoroughly enjoy working with him.
—David Viscott, MD, TV and radio talk show host and author of The Making of a Psychiatrist

Goldsmith's articles and books on relationships are right on the mark.
—Edward M. Hallowell, MD, author of Driven from Distraction, Dare to Forgive, and Delivered from Distraction

I can HONESTLY say that Goldsmiths's book is outstanding-a really terrific combination of good bedside manner, useful and practical information, and common sense.
—Anne Sheffield, award winning author of Depression Fallout and How You Can Survive When They're Depressed

At last a book that not only guides the reader when it comes to successful relationships but shows us the value of emotional fitness: communication, nurturance and constancy, in partnering. By subscribing to Goldsmith's theory and practice, couples will end up with a more satisfying connection and a better sense of each other's needs, as well as their own.
—Susan Shapiro Barash, author of The New Wife: The Evolving Role of the American Wife

Love is all you need-but, you also need a well-written, easy-to-follow roadmap to the heartland. Renown relationship guru Barton Goldsmith has provided this map in Emotional Fitness. It is your guidebook to revitalizing your relationship.
—Jeffrey K. Zeig, Ph.D., director of the Milton Erickson Foundation and organizer of the Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference

In Emotional Fitness for Couples, Goldsmith helps couples become proactive in their relationships by using easy to follow exercises and practical advice that allows them to enhance their interactions and their love.
—Gerald G. Jampolsky, MD, author of Love Is Letting Go of Fear

From the Publisher

A nationally recognized expert and radio personality offers a unique ten-minute-a-day program for helping couples "exercise and tone" their emotional skills, resolve problems, increase intimacy, have better sex, and cope honestly with anger and hurt.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 208 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (February 14, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572244399
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572244399
  • Product Dimensions: 7.1 x 5 x 0.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (32 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #38,402 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Award winning Psychotherapist, syndicated columnist and radio host, Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized counselor, author and speaker, who has appeared on and been interviewed and quoted by all the major television networks, numerous radio shows as well as national magazines like Cosmopolitan and Family Circle. Since 2002, his weekly column, Emotional Fitness, which is syndicated by Scripps-Howard News Service, runs in The Ventura County Star, The Chicago Sun-Times, The Orange County Register, The Detroit News, The Cincinnati Post, The San Diego Union-Tribune and over 150 other newspapers giving him a readership in the millions. In addition, his popular monthly business column has appeared in over 200 other publications. Dr. Goldsmith also hosts a weekly radio show on the most award-winning station in Southern California, KCLU/NPR, with 80,000 listeners in Los Angeles, Ventura and Santa Barbara.

Dr. Goldsmith has been a guest expert on Beauty and The Geek, The Greg Behrendt Show, and Northwest Afternoon. His book Emotional Fitness for Couples ' 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship was published by New Harbinger on Valentine's Day 2006.

He collaborated with best-selling author Louise L. Hay on A Garden of Thoughts (Hay House 1990) and with Chicken Soup for the Soul co-creator Mark Victor Hansen on The Miracle of Tithing (published in 2004). Dr. Goldsmith has delivered numerous engaging presentations, including a keynote at the 2006 California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists annual conference and the Ericksonian Brief Therapy Conference.

Dr. Goldsmith works with couples and individuals on issues ranging from addiction and infidelity to trauma and abuse. He trained with renowned psychiatrists and authors Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D. and David Viscott, M.D. He was a National Merit Scholar and a Professor of Psychology at Ryokan College. He received recognition from the City of Los Angeles for his work with survivors of the 1994 earthquake. Dr. Goldsmith is the 2007 winner of the Clark Vincent Award for Writing from the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In addition, he received the 2006 Peter Markin Merit Award from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists for his humanitarian efforts. He has also been named as the 2006 recipient of the Joseph A. Giannantoino II Award in recognition of his contributions as an Outstanding Educator in the field of Addiction Medicine, given by The California Association of Alcoholism and Drug Counselors.

'Dr. G' began working in the field of psychology when his career in professional basketball was cut short because he only grew to five foot six inches tall.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

36 of 37 people found the following review helpful By Cynthia L. Wall, LCSW on April 4, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
In this deceptively short and user-friendly book, Dr. Goldsmith has managed to speak to core issues of most relationships. As a couple therapist myself, I enjoyed his commonsense and "You can do this!" approach. His exercises and examples ring very true, and simplify the process of turning complaints into requests. This is a book that will encourage anyone struggling with fears of rejection or intimacy. He teaches the reader that being a grown-up in a primary relationship can be playful, while also addressing how to bring up the difficult topics.
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38 of 40 people found the following review helpful By C.L. on April 26, 2012
Format: Paperback
When my boyfriend and I found ourselves arguing more, listening less, and just generally not very happy with each other, I suggested therapy. He suggested using a book instead. We got some "how to make your relationship work" type books and they just didn't work for us. Whereas I am more than happy to read about studies, example scenarios, and take quizzes, my boyfriend was not. He tried, but he really disliked it, and those books went to the wayside. Then I found this book.

It's easy to read and easy to implement each exercise. The first exercise has to do with establishing a weekly meeting to check in with each other. We do this exercises every week, and this exercise alone has made our relationship tons better. It's obvious now that we just weren't communicating often enough, or very well. Now, we have a special time spent aside to connect with each other, communicate what's happening, resolve any new or old issues, and then have some type of fun afterwards. We've been working through each chapter, and some of the exercises we end up incorporating into our everyday life, and some of them don't quite work to do more than once. And that's ok.

I'm looking forward to going through each chapter, because the exercises are short and always bring something special to our relationship, even if it ends up just being a one-time experience. We do try to keep doing everything the book suggests, but sometimes it's hard to find the time. But we always find time for our weekly meeting, and we try to do a chapter in the book as well.

This book has some great exercises for couples. If both parties are committed to a better relationship but don't want a typical self-help book, try this one. Some exercises are fun, some serious, some romantic... all of it helpful. I know for my boyfriend and I, we are happier than we have ever been, thanks to this book.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Book Maven on January 30, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
My boyfriend and I go in a cycle: everything is good, then when it turns bad, I cry and he shuts down. We could say a lot, but never really get through to each other. I bought Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work which I think is a really great book, but it requires journaling and a lot of time. Like another reviewer here said, I'd be willing to do that, but not my boyfriend. Therapy isn't an option financially, but I really think this book is the next best thing!

This book is wonderful because it is small, easy to use, and the exercises don't take a long time. It's not an intimidating book at all, which can really help when you're in a tough spot with your partner (who wants to be approached with, "Hey, things suck, now we've got to examine it for an hour a day"?). Although so far we've always spent more than 10 minutes, it's always been really good and productive, and I feel like we are really communicating. The conversations we've had based on these chapters have been deeper and better than in our whole relationship. We usually spend more than 10 minutes because we really want to talk to each other and express our needs, which seems like a miracle! Now, instead of dreading relationship talks, I look forward to them, and so does my boyfriend (especially because part of the conversation "ritual" described in the beginning is to include some fun activity at the end)!

Another nice thing about this book is that it is gender neutral from what I've seen so far, so I think it would work well for couples of all identifications/orientations.
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18 of 20 people found the following review helpful By Nancy Padberg on February 2, 2006
Format: Paperback
Goldsmith has hit a homerun! In our busy lives, 10 minutes a day is an easy investment that delivers excellent returns. We exercise everything else, our minds, our bodies and our dogs! Relationships are really about respect and daily emotional deposits. I loved the content, his steps and tone. The tips on dealing with anger, fear and asking for what we need are keys to making a relationship work. Thanks Dr. Goldsmith for taking the time to write this incredible book!

Nancy Padberg, author of George D. Wells, CEO, Father & Friend
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By aly 0905 on August 22, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
We love this book. We read a chapter to each other each night and then complete the exercises. Very practical information and the exercises are helpful. It's been a nice way to start conversations about our feelings and relationship. A great way to focus your energies in maintaining a healthy happy relationship.
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10 of 12 people found the following review helpful By Jason Love on February 2, 2006
Format: Paperback
I see from the other reviews that this book is already well-received, but I want to say that I have been able to personally employ some of Goldsmith's no-nonsense approaches in my own life and watch them work. I'm learning that a relationship needs maintenance like any other worthwhile thing, and I'm grateful to own a book of expert advice on relationship maintenance.
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