This ground-breaking book proposes that emotional intelligence is a learned ability that is as much or more important than basic intelligence and should be part of our schooling just as reading, writing and arithmetic. The author sets out new scientific evidence showing, step-by-step, how healthy emotions and destructive emotions control our lives. Feelings often count as much as logic, and we have gone too far, says Dr. Goleman, emphasizing the purely rational, when emotions are so powerful.
All emotions are an impulse to act; the creation of instant plans for handling a life situation. Now we know in detail how emotions prepare the body for differing responses. A human being is made up of two minds according to Goleman. One thinks, and one feels; two fundamentally different ways of knowing.
The author defines emotion as "a feeling and range of propensities to act." The principal emotions are: Anger: Fury, outrage, resentment. Sadness. Grief, sorrow, cheerlessness. Fear. Anxiety, apprehension, terror. Enjoyment. Happiness, joy, delight, amusement. Love: Trust, kindness, devotion, infatuation. Surprise: Shock, amazement, astonishment. Disgust: Contempt, scorn, abhorrence. Shame: Guilt, embarrassment, remorse, humiliation.
Various emotions have various physical effects on the body. Anger, for example, causes blood to flow to the hands; strong energy for vigorous action. Fear causes blood to flow to the legs making it easier to run. Happiness is a positive emotion that provides readiness and enthusiasm. Surprise makes it easier to figure out what's going on and create a plan of action. Sadness helps adjust to a significant loss and brings a drop in energy and enthusiasm.
When emotions are out of control, the emotional mind takes over and swamps the rational mind. Emotions have a mind of their own and can hold views independent of the rational mind. Goleman names five main domains of emotional intelligence: (1) Knowing one's emotion (2) Managing emotions (3) Motivating oneself (4) Recognizing emotions in others (5) Handling relationships.
A most important emotional lesson, of course, is anger management. As a culture, we have not bothered to make sure children are taught the essentials of handling anger or resolving conflict. These and other fundamentals of emotional competence have been left to chance, says Goleman.
Surprisingly, the emotional mind is far quicker than the rational mind and springs into action without considering consequences that may prove to be mistaken or misguided. Scientific findings indicate we often cannot control emotions. What's more, the emotional mind takes its beliefs to be true, discounting evidence to the contrary. That's why it's difficult to reason with someone who is emotionally upset.
A familiar husband-wife emotional story: Wives, it seems, are the emotional managers and as such, are more likely to criticize husbands. Men are more likely to be stonewallers. Wives try to bring up and resolve disagreements. Husbands, on the other hand, are reluctant to be drawn into arguments. As a wife sees her husband withdraw from a discussion. she increases the volume and intensity of her complaint white he becomes defensive or stonewalls in return. She becomes contemptful, frustrated and angry; the husband feels more and more an innocent victim. As husbands stonewall, the wife feels completely stymied. The author calls this psychological impasse "flooding~~ and points out that flooding escalates, often going out of control.
There is ample evidence of growing emotional recklessness in the wortd, the author points out, and makes a strong case that it is critical to teach emotional competence to children as part of their education.
