I placed my original order for Dan Goleman's book "Emotional Intelligence" about one month before it's release in 1995 after reading the Time magazine cover story "What is Your E.Q.?" At the time I was going through a very difficult divorce, and I was asking myself the question "What did I do to deserve this terrible mess?" I was a 37 year old medical internist then who, in 7th grade, modeled my emotional style after Mr. Spock (from Star Trek) to avoid emotional issues I faced then. I accepted the messages from my parents and teachers who taught me that if I earned good grades, went to college, received an undergraduate and hopefully a graduate degree, then I shall expect to become happy & successful in life. Well, I DID that. I got the T-shirt. I graduated from high school as class valedictorian, winning the science award, I was awarded by my classmates "most likely to succeed", and I won a very handsome scholarship which paid all my undergraduate tuition for 4 years and offered me a summer job. In college I won more scholarships and graduated phi beta kappa in the top 3% of my class. In medical school & residency I did well, but this was more difficult for me as I had to learn to deal with many emotionally and socially challenging issues I was poorly prepared to deal with, but I got through them, but initially was not very adept at dealing with them.
When I entered professional life I started to ponder more the emotional issues in the lives of my patients, and in my own life, and I was slowly coming to terms with the importance of these issues. In 1995, as I reflected upon the failure of my marriage and the miserable circumstances in which I found myself, I realized my biggest contribution to the failure of that marriage was the rational "Spockish" persona I brought to that relationship and my lack of attunement to my inner emotional life. I was ready for a new paradigm of how intellect should relate to feeling.
Goleman's insights on emotional intelligence revolutionized the way I relate to my intellectual and emotional life. Where formerly I was of the belief that the mind was the key to happiness and success in life (and the emotions merely got in the way of clear heading reasoning), I have now come to view that the true formula for success & happiness is the development of an intelligent mind surrendered to an intelligent heart. In my practice in internal medicine, I have come to realize that issues of emotional intelligence (or rather, lack of it) either cause or drive numerous medical problems and I regular strive to teach my patients about emotional intelligence and I often share Goleman's book "Emotional Intelligence" (or abridged audiocassettes) with them. The book has made a very profound contribution to my practice, to my life, and to the lives of many of my patients. I have given talks at educational conferences to encourage education to teaching emotional intelligence. I have written articles to magazines and books regarding a model of education which integrates intellectual, emotional, moral, and spiritual intelligences (I see emotional intelligence as a gateway to moral and spiritual intelligence).
Especially to those of you who are stuck in the "mind is everything (& ignore your emotions)" paradigm of happiness and success in life, I urge you to read this book. The same goes for educators, physicians, and corporate leaders. I rate Goleman's book "Emotional Intelligence" among the top 5 most life altering books of my life, and that deserves 5 stars (if not ten).
Kenneth A. Miller, MD
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