Customer Reviews

Emotional Life of the Toddler

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

This book explains why toddlers act the way they do and what you can do to help them control their behavior. The book addresses tantrums, separation anxiety, sleeping problems, toilet training and more from the point of view of the toddler. It helped me to understand that these things are a really big deal to a toddler even though they don't seem like it to me. I also realized a lot of the advice you read in other books may work to stop the behavior but are actually very emotionally damaging to the kid. For example ignoring them when they are having a tantrum is emotionally damaging to the child, because anger is a very scary emotion for them and they need help learning how to deal with anger. If you ignore them, you reinforce to them that anger is scary, they also think you don't love them anymore because you are ignoring them, and they eventually start repressing their anger (and we all know from recent studies that repressing anger is a large cause of stress and heart disease).

Since reading this book, I have changed how I relate to my son (18 months)and it has been great! He has almost no tantrums anymore, he cooperates with me when I ask him to, and we are both A LOT happier together. I highly recommend this book!! It doesn't take very long to read and is definitely worth the time.

This book has been my bible, my friend, my support, and the best resource I have found to understanding my toddler. Alicia Lieberman's insights are remarkable. The wisdom I have gained from this book has made me a better mother. Lieberman leads you through the thought process and the emotional life of your toddler. Understanding "why" they are doing what they are doing gives you the freedom to let them be toddlers. It dispells the secret myth in your head that they are doing these crazy things to drive you nuts! Lieberman delivers this book with well researched information. The premise of her theories are backed up by many experts and studies. Following an attachment parenting theme allows for compassion for the toddler, and a emphasis on a secure base relationship between parent and child. Lieberman explains how children have different tempermant types, and how different parenting styles influence or undermine them. Each type of temperment is described in detail. Allowing an insight into each childs individual perspective on the world. Understanding this perspective helps you see where your child is coming from, and how to interact with them individually for a better relationship and a more secure child. I cannot recommend this book more highly. After reading this book I have a feeling of peace when dealing with my toddler as opposed to my dread when I bought it. Thank you Alicia Lieberman. This book will be my 1st birthday gift to everyone with a baby that I know! -Angela Maltman

I've been reading quite a few books on toddlers lately, and this is one of the best I've come across. It helped me a lot in terms of realizing what's going on with my 2-and-1/2-year-old, and I'm dealing with him a lot better since reading it. A lot better. Basically, Lieberman is talking about the one essential thing that goes into good parenting: balance. But she does a very good job of filling in the details, and helping you to really ACHIEVE that balance in your parenting.

I'm not giving it five stars, though, because there are two sections that I would really recommend skipping entirely. One has already been mentioned by another poster, and that's the bit on behavioral disorders. I don't accept mariem's criticism, though, because this really was a discrete section of the book, and easy enough to simply skip. As far as I can tell, I didn't miss anything by doing so.

The other section I skipped was the section on sleeping. A lot of this book seems to be in line with "attachment parenting" or whatever you want to call it, but on the subject of sleeping Lieberman is hard-line the other way. The section on sleeping is written entirely with the underlying premise that you will not, under almost any circumstances, be co-sleeping. Which, in my opinion, is just absurd. I think that, like most other aspects of parenting, that is a decision to be made. And in a book that otherwise does such a good job striking balance, her completely one-sided approach to this issue was out of place and, if I say so myself, pretty misguided.

But fortunately, that section is also easy to skip. And other than those two sections, it really is a great book. If you are planning on skipping those two sections, you can interpret this as a five-star review--I would highly recommend this book.

This book is unique. It is the only one available that talks to the inside world of the toddler: their frustations, their need to have you close but at the same time being independent. The book gives you practical advise to keep that in balance, never forgetting the individuality of your child. Having twin toddlers in the house I know this book has saved my sanity. There is a chapter that talks to the mother of a toddler, her challenges, her reality. I've never read anything that comprehensive. The book in general is easy to read and very well structured. It helped me make important decisions (i.e. take them to daycare or not). I recommend it highly.

I loved this title. The reason I bought it was to try to gain some insight into my own 3yr old son's shyness and it certainly gave me a clear way to help him (and I) manage and even enjoy, that behaviour. I've read many books on raising toddlers in the past and this one is written from the unique perspective of the toddler's emotional world. I personally cannot name another parenting/toddler title written in this way.

The author has obviously spent many hours, over many years, observing her subjects and this shows in this work. Whilst the author is a mother herself, I think readers may need to remember that this is a professional work by a leading child psychiatrist/psychologist and for the most part, is written from this point of view. None the less I still found it easy to read, but not necessarily from cover to cover. The layout is well suited to picking the book up when needed, and finding out what you want to know at the time. I found the chapters on Temperment Types (only 4 are explored at length in this work), The Shy Toddler (there's a chapter on Active Toddlers as well), Issues to Negotiate (including separation anxiety, toilet training and more)of most relevance to me. There's also a chapter devoted to the toddler in childcare and making the transition that bit easier for both parent and child, no matter what your child's temperament. The many anecdotes of the various toddler temperaments peppered throughout the book make for some light hearted reading along the way (why is "no!" the most used word of the toddler).

Ms Lieberman writes with both experience, compassion and empathy in the ways of her subjects, and for those of us trying to raise them. I use my copy as a referance quite regularly and will do for some time to come.

As a first-time mother who has NEVER been around small children before, my otherwise-charming toddler's behavior was causing me a great deal of stress. Is he bi-polar? Is he a spoiled brat? Why does he do such annoying and crazy things???? How much Xanax do I need each day to deal with his antics?

I picked up this book on a whim. I was pleasantly surprised. I felt the book was extremely well put together in coherent, concise chapters. Nearly every sentence was a "TaDa" moment for me.

"It's ok! Your toddler is not on the path to blowing up a federal building or orchestrating a mass-suicide. What he is doing is completely NORMAL. We know, it can be unnerving. Here's how to understand what's going on in his little mind. You'll be ok. He'll be ok."

It did not feel like I was reading a book - it felt like I was sipping a decaf vanilla latte while having a chat with a toddler behavior professional.

I have recommended this book to several mother friends and will continue to do so.

THANK YOU!!!

I think people who get this book and expect it to be a "How to" guide are going to be disappointed. I don't think that's what it is trying to accomplish. But if you are getting frustrated with the frequent temper tantrums and asking "Why? Why did you just do that?" (parents will know what I'm talking about), this is a book I would recommend. It goes into how a toddler thinks and it made me look at things from my daughter's point of view. It talks about the "Active toddler" and the "Shy toddler" and the differences between them (which was interesting since I can see the differences between my daughter and some of her friends). With the information here, you can come up with an "action plan" in how to deal with your toddler but it doesn't spell it out for you (and to be honest, I would have criticized it if it did since every child is different in their needs).

I do agree with the criticism on the sleep section. For our own privacy (and sanity), we don't co-sleep with our kids but I don't really see anything wrong with that. Co-sleeping is an accepted part of many families around the world and I have a difficult time believing that there's anything wrong with it.

There is also a section on divorce and how it affects a toddler. I have to admit that was the only part I sort of glossed over since it doesn't apply to my family but I still think it's good information to have in a book like this.

Overall, this book provides a good look into the mind of a toddler. I find myself taking a step back and rephrasing certain things based on the information in the book and it does help. Despite being published in 1995, I think it holds up well.

This book is amazing. It described BOTH of my children's types accurately. I am seeing them each in a whole new light now. What has struck me is that right away some of the things that used to really irritate me, or worry me, I now find sort of fascinating. Because of Lieberman's insights, I have a MUCH more accurate understanding of my kids and why they do what they do--and what I've been doing to help, or contribute to, the problem.

This book has highlighted a few parenting mistakes I've made, too, and given me lots to consider, and the ability to really grow positively as a parent.

I started reading this book by accident - I was supposed to be passing it from one friend to another but glanced through the first few pages while brushing my teeth one night and was absolutely hooked! After 15 minutes polishing the same molar, my amused husband finally asked what I'd found. I found a book that explained in friendly, easy-to-read sections a whole bagful of puzzling behaviour *my* child had been exhibiting. It also gave some suggestions of things I could do to help our days just run that little more smoothly, some of which have subsequently become part of our routine. But I found the explanations most important because I finally began to understand some of my son's daily trials and tribulations from his perspective. Suddenly it became easier to do what all the more experienced parents were always telling me and "just relax" because I knew (a) my son couldn't help himself - and that was exactly on schedule for his age (b) how to help him. Of course, as I relaxed, he relaxed and we now share a much richer, closer relationship. I've subsequently bought the book and have returned to it in puzzlement a couple of times and I've never been disappointed. There's so much information there that I didn't realize what I'd glossed over because my child had not yet reached the age when... If you want to know *why* your toddler is behaving as he/she is, this is a great book for you.

I'm really enjoying the insight this book provides on the emotions and reasoning behind often puzzling behaviour of my little child. I am more patient with many behaviours now that I have more knowledge of where they come from and how necessary some of the less desirable behaviours are. It's also good to know what 'strange' behaviours may be on the horizon and to take toddlers seriously because their actions are often for good reason.

I recommend this book for anyone who is into reading a book that is grounded in psychological research from many experts. And the author has a lot of clinical experience to draw on.

My only concern is that much of the research is from 15-20 years ago. I wonder if her theories would change if she would have used more current research.