4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent Book. A Must read for Attachment Based Couples Therapists!, January 9, 2010
This review is from: Emotional Safety: Viewing Couples Through the Lens of Affect (Paperback)
Rightfully so, attachment theory is currently a hot topic in the couples therapy literature. Catherall takes a stand that it is not always attachment issues at the root of couples relational problems. He states that esteem issues (feelings of shame or wounds to the sense of Self) also play a role in couples relational problems. Emotional Safety presents a model of therapy that helps the therapist discern which issues are attachment related and which issues are due to threats to esteem. Now that I think about it, his discussion of how shame plays a role in couples conflicts makes the book worth the purchase price alone.
His use of Script Theory is helpful in understanding what is going on inside of each partner as they engage in conflict.
Another great thing about this book is that you don't have to learn a new model of couples therapy. I have been able to easily incorporate Catherall's ideas into my own style of doing therapy. My couples are responding well too. Not only do partners feel more understood when we separate attachment issues from esteem issues, it gives them a broader way of looking at what is going on between them, which in turn, gives them more avenues for change.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
One of the most important and insightful books I've ever read., November 17, 2011
This review is from: Emotional Safety: Viewing Couples Through the Lens of Affect (Paperback)
Don Catherall is the first writer I've found who cuts to the chase of what the real issues are in couples conflicts: whether people feel emotionally safe, or unsafe, in their interactions with their partners.
Years ago I was picking the brains of a friend who was a seasoned therapist, and asked if he worked with couples. He made a dour face and replied, "Only if I can't get out of it." I became very curious and asked him why he said that, and he replied: "Well, usually by the time people have recognized that they need help, it's like they've put a couple of fresh eggs in a plastic baggie, then thrown it against a wall...and then they bring it to me, and ask me to put it back together. Almost always the best I can do is to help them come to an amicable ending to their relationship."
I was surprised by my friend's pessimistic comments, and intrigued enough to look at many models of couples treatment. I discovered that the success rate was disturbingly low for most treatment modalities. This book helps explain why that's been true for so long.
Couples therapists have historically focused on what appeared to be the problems; almost never getting to the heart of the issues that conflicted couples are struggling with, often desperately (and frequently fatally for their relationships).
Catherall makes a compelling case for why bringing an understanding of Attachment Theory, Affect Theory (based on the little-known work of the brilliant psychologist, Silvan Tomkins), and shame dynamics makes for a much more effective treatment model. Although this book is aimed at therapists working with couples, it's written in a clear, easily understood manner. Any reasonably intelligent lay person who wants to understand why relationships are so difficult - and what can be done to help them become more loving and emotionally supportive - will find much wisdom in this book.
Although I don't work with couples, I've found that applying the simple but powerful insights Catherall offers regarding the issue of emotional safety, to any relationship (not just romantic partnerships) helps build understanding and a sense of mutuality with anyone I'm trying to connect with.
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